Discussion Is Happiness the goal?

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Part of me wants to recover.. I guess not in the sense people may think. I don't see happiness as a goal, I see being atleast content with life whilst still experiencing the ups and downs. I want to feel emotions again, get the support I need, unmask and build my identity, I would like a friend as I've never had a friend in person before. I want to get away from my toxic family and find things I enjoy again.

But all of these feel so unachievable. I wouldn't even know where to start

What do you see as your recovery? Is Happiness the goal?

 

[Homo erectus]

No, I don't think so. I don't really enjoy soap opera. It looks really tiring to keep a smiley face all the time.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Your goal is dependent on your current problems. Pick some goals. Break them down into more achievable parts.

Happiness can be a goal, but just as easily can be achieved as a side effect.

I deal with PTSD. My goal has always been get rid of flashbacks, nightmares, and freezes. I've managed to find happiness and content with life as side effects, which is great. However, I still haven't met my original goal.

 

[necpluribusimparer]

I've seen hope as the only thing that has made me want to wake up the next morning. An ASHer said about twenty years ago that the most painful realization is when hope has become as unbearable as pain, and I couldn't agree more. I don't ever want to lose hope, even though I'm close to losing it. I've told this to loads of people, who've been overdosing or otherwise in problematic situations, close to suicide; if you lose hope you're as good as dead.

I don't know if happiness can ever be truly achieved, but I want to at least retain hope.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Have had a formal diagnosis?

 

[DarkRange55]

Looking it at from a stoic perspective, something along the lives of: happiness is not something you should seek out but rather it's an experience and transitory emotional state. It's better to seek daily contentment since it's unrealistic that every moment will be joyful like having to do things we don't like but to still be content in those moments.
Read Happiness Hypothesis, it has cutting edge neuroscience, ancient wisdom and philosophy, psychology, ect.
I think happiness is a nebulous word to some degree. Pleasure can be like sex, drugs, ect what neuroscientists refer to as "momentary happiness." They also classify memory happiness separately. Some people draw a distinction between contentment while being on the road to true inner joy (fulfillment).

So idk just some food for thought

 

[dragonofenvy]

The monks in India thousands of years ago said the answer was to let go of all of your desires (oversimplification). That belief is now rooted in Buddhism. Whether that is achievable is up for debate.

 

[26mmmm]

Part of me wants to recover.. I guess not in the sense people may think. I don't see happiness as a goal, I see being atleast content with life whilst still experiencing the ups and downs. I want to feel emotions again, get the support I need, unmask and build my identity, I would like a friend as I've never had a friend in person before. I want to get away from my toxic family and find things I enjoy again.

But all of these feel so unachievable. I wouldn't even know where to start

What do you see as your recovery? Is Happiness the goal?

Same. Content will lead to happiness. Being content is being happy to me, even if I wont feel happy 24 / 7. Im fine with problems, you need to go through the downs to get to the ups, I just want to have normal types of problems and a normal amount of problems, which I dont have right now.

 

[Proteus]

The goal is being able to cope with your problems. When you spend enough time with suicidal thoughts, you will know you are doing well. If you want to be happy all the time, you will get disappointed. Bad moments are part of life, it's about being less affected by them.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I second what other people have said regarding contentment vs happiness. I'm currently lacking a goal but my general goal is to be happy, by which I mean being content, having ups and downs like a normal life, not being depressed all the time.

I don't know how to achieve contentment though, I think I'll read the book the other member mentioned above of the Happiness Hypothesis.

 

[HereTomorrow]

I find that finding happiness won't work unless I fix the aspects of my life that make me unhappy (emotional overwhelm, SA trauma, mending + making relationships, etc). I feel that by chasing happiness directly I end up ignoring the causes, so my happiness will either be temporary or a "mask" and more misery follows as it creeps back on me a lot stronger then before, then ironically I no longer want to feel happy.

Happiness is an aftereffect of solving the causes, which can be a goal, but it's the kind of happiness that makes you content with life itself with rather then this eternal euphoria as if you just won the lottery every hour of the day.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Have had a formal diagnosis?

I think you're asking me this I met with the psychiatrist about 3 to 4 times and got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder as well as a dissociative disorder called Depersonalization and Derealisation Disorder. DPDR is worse because it's left me without most of my long-term memories, I have no emotions currently and a shut off from my senses. I describe it like being trapped in your brain. The only help they could offer me was a BPD talking group that had a 3 to 4 year waiting list. Then they said they don't accept Autistic people with communication difficulties like myself so they have nothing to offer me and discharged me.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

I think you're asking me this I met with the psychiatrist about 3 to 4 times and got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder as well as a dissociative disorder called Depersonalization and Derealisation Disorder. DPDR is worse because it's left me without most of my long-term memories, I have no emotions currently and a shut off from my senses. I describe it like being trapped in your brain. The only help they could offer me was a BPD talking group that had a 3 to 4 year waiting list. Then they said they don't accept Autistic people with communication difficulties like myself so they have nothing to offer me and discharged me.

There's 3 disorders you're dealing with. The communication issue is going to be a possible hurdle with therapy. Maybe start with finding a therapist who works with autistic individuals and can help you with communication difficulties.

 

[cryone]

perosnally i dont prioritize or care abt my life at all. i j want to become successful and live long enough so i can compensate my parents for all they've done n help them when they can't function by themselves anymore. thats my goal, but 1st i need to be happy to live long + be productive enough. ig happiness is more of a means to an end for me.

 

[morgueprincess]

as long as i am me i will never be happy, but i wish i could be.