Is friendship even real?

[whyidon'tknow]

I've started to realize that the people I call friends are only my friends when they need someone to pass time with. Anytime I've tried to open up and be vulnerable things get awkward and I get ghosted

Perhaps I'm not deserving of friends. No one wants to be friends with someone who is chronically depressed and suicidal.


Heed my warning. If you have a good group of people who are happy and doing well in life DO NOT put your suicidal shit on them. They WILL leave you even if they say they won't. No one wants to be around a debbie downer.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think there are different types of friends. Those sound very much like 'fair weather friends', which are fine- if you realise that's all they are.

But yes- I do agree. Friendship in my eyes is effectively an exchange. That's not to say you won't find friends who will listen to your problems but, they may be looking for something different from the relationship. It may make them feel better when they can support people. They themselves may be feeling down and also want to share their problems. Personally, I don't tend to make friends with optimists! They're like a different species to me. I find I relate better to people who have insecurities and problems they feel open to share.

Again though, I have to agree. I don't really trust friendship either. I've lost very good friends because we've all moved away from one another. They now have families and busy lives and other priorities. That's the other thing I think. I think you quite often have to make friends within whatever area of life you now reside in. My God parents did so well with their friends sticking around because I think, so many of them were childless. I think parents often make friendships with other parents through their children etc. so, things change as we age. But regardless, it all takes effort but yeah- I think in your case, it's simply that they sound like 'fair weather friends'.
I think there are different types of friends. Those sound very much like 'fair weather friends', which are fine- if you realise that's all they are.

But yes- I do agree. Friendship in my eyes is effectively an exchange. That's not to say you won't find friends who will listen to your problems but, they may be looking for something different from the relationship. It may make them feel better when they can support people. They themselves may be feeling down and also want to share their problems. Personally, I don't tend to make friends with optimists! They're like a different species to me. I find I relate better to people who have insecurities and problems they feel open to share.

Again though, I have to agree. I don't really trust friendship either. I've lost very good friends because we've all moved away from one another. They now have families and busy lives and other priorities. That's the other thing I think. I think you quite often have to make friends within whatever area of life you now reside in. My God parents did so well with their friends sticking around because I think, so many of them were childless. I think parents often make friendships with other parents through their children etc. so, things change as we age. But regardless, it all takes effort but yeah- I think in your case, it's simply that they sound like 'fair weather friends'.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think it's real but it's definitely transactional in a way as both sides are making the friendship due to their own gain. At best, this gain is harmless like just wanting to prevent the feeling of loneliness and nothing more. At worst, this gain is just you getting used as a stepping stone for them to abuse

 

[-Link-]

Friendship is real. It's just usually less permanent and more conditional than we'd like it to be.

A permanent, unconditional friendship is possible, but extremely rare to come by. I've seen it to believe it.

You just haven't met the right people. I know that sounds flippant, but that's what it comes down to.

Heed my warning. If you have a good group of people who are happy and doing well in life DO NOT put your suicidal shit on them. They WILL leave you even if they say they won't. No one wants to be around a debbie downer.

On the other hand, if you have a happy friend who sticks with you even in the face of your suicidality, then you may have found yourself a real gem. Hold onto that friend at all costs.

You've had your trust violated very badly, multiple times, in one of the worst possible ways (ghosting). This might make you think you're the problem, but you're not. You must know you'd make a good friend to the right person, and that person would make a good friend for you.

I know first-hand how hard this is, but try not to transfer these awful experiences onto other potential friends. Give them a clean slate, and they may pleasantly surprise you.

 

[F Sea]

Well of course it's real! but those are/were not your friends. Rather they look like the typical rabble who only move for their own interests and only care about themselves, they are human scum with no values and no balls.

Loyalty, sincerity and friendship are words they don't understand because those words are not in their dictionary. They are nothing more than a bunch of scoundrels who will part with you when they are not interested in you or you are a heavy burden for them because they do not know sacrifice and do not value it and prefer to get rid of the dead.

They tell you that they will help you and will be with you but they don't even know what they are saying, they are not serious, because in the end due to their lack of balls the easiest thing is that they run away or worse, to be asked for forgiveness a thousand and one times. So it is better that you leave them first because they don't deserve you seriously.
Don't waste time with them please.