Is "disappearing" first more or less painful to others?

[sachaa]

I've been thinking of killing myself for years, but last year, someone I know well killed himself. This is the first time I've ever actually experienced death by suicide in my life. I've experienced plenty of other death, but everyone's reaction to suicide is much different. I've seen how suicide hurts other people, tearing themselves apart over an alternate world where they said the right thing to him, or stopped him from going out, etc. I really don't want to hurt my loved ones. They've all gone through enough already. I'm thinking I may have to go far away and disappear from the world, instead of just killing myself in my bedroom like I wanted to before. People go missing while hiking all the time, and I could probably make it look like an accident. I've tried killing myself before with lots of painkillers, but obviously that didn't work and just made me sick for a few days each time. I'm too much of a coward to do anything violent or gorey like slitting my wrists or jumping off a building or in front of a train, and I'm too poor to buy expensive drugs online. It seems my only option is to just disappear. I was just wondering if this "disappearing" before killing myself will hurt more or less for others. In my head, it feels like it will hurt them all far less, but I'm not really sure.