Is being upbeat a choice?

[Baskol1]

Right? And everyone loves to overuse the word 'toxic'. "That person isn't smiling! They're toxic and I'm cutting them out of my life!" "That person is crying because they're mom died! I'm removing that toxicity from my life." Basically, human interaction is 'toxic' now.

That's scary to know it's spreading to other countries.

Its actually toxic to be always smiling, and pretending to be happy.

 

[WinterIsComing]

Right? And everyone loves to overuse the word 'toxic'. "That person isn't smiling! They're toxic and I'm cutting them out of my life!" "That person is crying because they're mom died! I'm removing that toxicity from my life." Basically, human interaction is 'toxic' now.

That's scary to know it's spreading to other countries.

The real most toxic, abusive, manipulatives ones put the "happy face mask".
There are happy mask people whom really harass, smear campaign, manipulate, abuse, lie.
But people are more concerned of the ones who are not happy...........

In my country it came with the economic growth, maybe companies wanted better workers or people got more stressed that started to appear mandalas, yoga, gym, positive psychology, books of energy (pseudo science), coaching books, coaching courses everywhere.
(This is in South america)

 

[Baskol1]

The real most toxic, abusive, manipulatives ones put the "happy face mask".
There are happy mask people whom really harass, smear campaign, manipulate, abuse, lie.
But people are more concerned of the ones who are not happy...........

In my country it came with the economic growth, maybe companies wanted better workers or people got more stressed that started to appear mandalas, yoga, gym, positive psychology, books of energy (pseudo science), coaching books, coaching courses everywhere.
(This is in South america)

Its funny how so called economic growth makes people actually more depressed.

 

[paul29]

Our mood reflects our environment and our consumption.

Eat nothing but sugar for a week, see how you feel.

Spend a week in solitary confinement, see how you feel.

Try six different strains of cannabis on six different days, see how you feel.

The extent to which we have control over our moods is wildly exaggerated.

 

[Tegan_sky]

I somehow googled something that I don't recall, leading me to find out that there are some now calling this "cult of positivity" that is permeating everything, they called it "toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing." So I look up "spiritual bypassing" and find there's all this stuff out online about just that precise phrase.

I have a former friend who I went back and forth with at least three times, when she wanted to get real and keep it real, she would draw me in. She'd keep me on the phone for at least 90 minutes every time, at 90 minutes me having to pry her off of me so I could get off the phone. Then she would decide she wanted to be an "inspiration" to everyone in Facebook, and kick me to the curb. She repeated this with me at least three times. It was over for me the day she actually hung up on me when I called her to wish condolences when her husband died. She found out it was me calling, and it was the attitude, "It's Tegan??? she's POISON!!!" without letting me say a word, immediately told me she'd call me back, and before I could even say the word "ok" she had already hung up on me. A far cry from the day she called me saying "I need a shot of Tegan today" during one of the periods she decided to keep it real.

There are others I have known when you see them in a group, at the podium in a recovery meeting (in front of an audience) posting "positive thinking" memes in Social Media, and then...you spend time with them alone, them not being in front of an "audience" and the Debbie downer way about them, completely comes out when it is only them and me, one on one.

Some say it's negativity, I call it keeping it real. I've never been one to shine it on and fake it.

 

[Baskol1]

I somehow googled something that I don't recall, leading me to find out that there are some now calling this "cult of positivity" that is permeating everything, they called it "toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing." So I look up "spiritual bypassing" and find there's all this stuff out online about just that precise phrase.

I have a former friend who I went back and forth with at least three times, when she wanted to get real and keep it real, she would draw me in. She'd keep me on the phone for at least 90 minutes every time, at 90 minutes me having to pry her off of me so I could get off the phone. Then she would decide she wanted to be an "inspiration" to everyone in Facebook, and kick me to the curb. She repeated this with me at least three times. It was over for me the day she actually hung up on me when I called her to wish condolences when her husband died. She found out it was me calling, and it was the attitude, "It's Tegan??? she's POISON!!!" without letting me say a word, immediately told me she'd call me back, and before I could even say the word "ok" she had already hung up on me. A far cry from the day she called me saying "I need a shot of Tegan today" during one of the periods she decided to keep it real.

There are others I have known when you see them in a group, at the podium in a recovery meeting (in front of an audience) posting "positive thinking" memes in Social Media, and then...you spend time with them alone, them not being in front of an "audience" and the Debbie downer way about them, completely comes out when it is only them and me, one on one.

Some say it's negativity, I call it keeping it real. I've never been one to shine it on and fake it.

These people are actually often narcissists, especially if they lack any empathy.

 

[Deivis]

I'm acquainted to both narcissists/fakers and genuinely positive people. Fakers suck, you can't hide it.
And a good friend of mine whom I know for years and years, he's authentic.
He's a voracious traveller, another week - another country, and he often calls me or texts me "Guess what? My luggage got stolen Nikon camera, lens, laptop, this, that, isnt it funny? Fuck them, I'm buying a new one! ".

And it's so real. You can't seriously upset him, no chance. He's oozing ideas. "Lets do this, lets do that, lest start this business, lets open this company". He's from low-middle class, but is making 7 figures now (serial entrepreneur) and he has always been like that. Its in his genome.

 

[Baskol1]

I'm acquianted to both narcissists/fakers and genuinely positive people. Fakers suck, you can't hide it.
And a good friend of mine whom I know for years and years, he's authentic.
He's a voracious traveller, another week - another country, and he often calls me or texts me "Guess what? My luggage got stolen Nikon camera, lens, laptop, this, that, isnt it funny? Fuck them, I'm buying a new one! ".

And it's so real. You can't seriously upset him, no chance. He's ozzing ideas. "Lets do this, lets do that, lest start this business, lets open this company". He's from low-middle class, but is making 7 figures now (serial entrepreneur) and he has always been like that. Its in his genome.

If its real, its great, but i dont think anyone is always happy.

 

[WinterIsComing]

I knew a "friend" that had one of the cluster B personality disorder. People who don't know her closely (her past) thinks she is nice to be around.
She rented a room in my home and my bf and i found she had police reports for hitting her ex, once broke a police bike, she threatened to kill my friend and my by in my house, lied on things, slept with her best friend boyfriend, bad mouthed, harassed me with 4-6 days with almost 100 texts and calls because i didn't go to a movie theater and she was upset of a guy who found out her things and block her (i only met the guy once).

But two friends thinks she is nice because of the mask.

And it's so real. You can't seriously upset him, no chance. He's oozing ideas. "Lets do this, lets do that, lest start this business, lets open this company". He's from low-middle class, but is making 7 figures now (serial entrepreneur) and he has always been like that. Its in his genome. "

I met speople like that, what businesses and how he started?

 

[Baskol1]

I knew a "friend" that had one of the cluster B personality disorder. People who don't know her closely (her past) thinks she is nice to be around.
She rented a room in my home and my bf and i found she had police reports for hitting her ex, once broke a police bike, she threatened to kill my friend and my by in my house, lied on things, slept with her best friend boyfriend, bad mouthed, harassed me with 4-6 days with almost 100 texts and calls because i didn't go to a movie theater and she was upset of a guy who found out her things and block her (i only met the guy once).

But two friends thinks she is nice because of the mask.

Very dangerous people.

 

[WinterIsComing]

Very dangerous people.

She is acting like nothing happened using what she have as a reason to "understand her" and no apology.
So well, now i can't say anything or that would be like being "toxic" added with the thing that i told them i'm depressed (well i'm not "happy")...

 

[shelledone]

I think what I lack, more than being "Upbeat" or even faking it, is true enthusiasm. Like most little kids have this sense of wonderment (or so I tell myself) , and as they grow, they develop more focused interests and hobbies. And they know of others with those same interests and hobbies and there can be a feedback loop of sorts, feeding one another's enthusiasm.

The number of times I've been told to smile, heh. I hate that. OMG.

 

[andy69]

I think being upbeat is more natural for some people that they can't help but be happy. They may think it is a choice so that they can tell depressed people to cheer up.

 

[HGL91]

I saw the play "The Book of Mormon" and it "joked" that turning feelings off like a light switch and smiling is the Mormon way. Though

I somehow googled something that I don't recall, leading me to find out that there are some now calling this "cult of positivity" that is permeating everything, they called it "toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing." So I look up "spiritual bypassing" and find there's all this stuff out online about just that precise phrase.

I have a former friend who I went back and forth with at least three times, when she wanted to get real and keep it real, she would draw me in. She'd keep me on the phone for at least 90 minutes every time, at 90 minutes me having to pry her off of me so I could get off the phone. Then she would decide she wanted to be an "inspiration" to everyone in Facebook, and kick me to the curb. She repeated this with me at least three times. It was over for me the day she actually hung up on me when I called her to wish condolences when her husband died. She found out it was me calling, and it was the attitude, "It's Tegan??? she's POISON!!!" without letting me say a word, immediately told me she'd call me back, and before I could even say the word "ok" she had already hung up on me. A far cry from the day she called me saying "I need a shot of Tegan today" during one of the periods she decided to keep it real.

There are others I have known when you see them in a group, at the podium in a recovery meeting (in front of an audience) posting "positive thinking" memes in Social Media, and then...you spend time with them alone, them not being in front of an "audience" and the Debbie downer way about them, completely comes out when it is only them and me, one on one.

Some say it's negativity, I call it keeping it real. I've never been one to shine it on and fake it.

Wow she hung up on you? When you were doing something nice? :( Maybe she was just emotional about her husband passing and when you said that, she couldn't hold it in. I don't know. :/

If its real, its great, but i dont think anyone is always happy.

Yeah, I was that way with people for 3 years as I was running a yoga business. From what I learned, you have to be upbeat all the time if you run a business and study confident body language. Especially as an entrepreneur, because every place is an opportunity to sell yourself...the bus stop, your hair stylist, the line for sandwiches in the market. It actually drove me crazy because I felt like I was lying to myself and the world.

 

[Dawn0071111]

My whole life, I've never been "upbeat" unless I fake it. I remember even when watching home videos in the 90s (On VHS lol) of when my 2 cousins my age and I were little kids, they'd be so excited to see Santa and sit on his lap, and I'd just blink and look around like I was wondering "What's the big deal?"

I had to learn to be upbeat. Even now, people will say "Wow! Isn't that view beautiful?!?" when looking at mountains or the ocean, and I'll think "Be up beat" and then purposely widen my eyes and say "Yes! Absolutely!" But it takes so much energy and thought. Being upbeat exhausts me.

Is being upbeat a choice? Is everyone secretly faking being upbeat? Or am I the only one?

What do you mean by you had to "learn" to be up beat? If you learned it that would mean its no longer faking it right? How does one LEARN something like that and it become authentic?

 

[HGL91]

What do you mean by you had to "learn" to be up beat? If you learned it that would mean its no longer faking it right? How does one LEARN something like that and it become authentic?

I learned by observing what other people did, and then I'd copy it, because I wanted to be liked. It's exhausting though and gives me anxiety when I am faking

. You know, saying "Hiiiiiii! How ARE you??" In a high pitched voice, wide smile
and giving a big hug. Using a bunch of hand movements when I explain things and being super wide eyed and nodding when people talk.

Kinda have to do it to be successful at a job and have friends, but I find it to be so tiring.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I learned by observing what other people did, and then I'd copy it, because I wanted to be liked. It's exhausting though and gives me anxiety when I am faking

. You know, saying "Hiiiiiii! How ARE you??" In a high pitched voice, wide smile
and giving a big hug. Using a bunch of hand movements when I explain things and being super wide eyed and nodding when people talk.

Kinda have to do it to be successful at a job and have friends, but I find it to be so tiring.

I see.... kinda like fake it till you make it.... but you never really make it... lol. Yeah sounds exhausting... :)

 

[HGL91]

I see.... kinda like fake it till you make it.... but you never really make it... lol. Yeah sounds exhausting... :)

Yeah, exactly. I'll fake and fake, but then I'll start getting anxiety attacks and can't hold up the façade anymore, so I'll go through a depression.

 

[stellabelle]

I try to see the light side of things but it is not effortless. Years of customer service taught me the same thing, smile, greet, carry on like you weren't ready to end your existence when you woke up thirty minutes ago. Say "I'm good, how are you?" No matter what.

Keeping everything bottled up can be absolutely exhausting and just results in a major episode for me. I can and will see the beauty in things and take note of it because I have to. I have to at least try, you know?

 

[HGL91]

I try to see the light side of things but it is not effortless. Years of customer service taught me the same thing, smile, greet, carry on like you weren't ready to end your existence when you woke up thirty minutes ago. Say "I'm good, how are you?" No matter what.

Keeping everything bottled up can be absolutely exhausting and just results in a major episode for me. I can and will see the beauty in things and take note of it because I have to. I have to at least try, you know?

Yes. And it's weird because as an adult, now when I've gone to restaurants or talk to customer service or see a doctor, I often wonder if they're faking and if they are actually anxious or depressed inside. As a kid, I used to think "Gosh! I love how nice professional people are! I can't wait to be professional!" Lol

 

[woxihuanni]

Honestly, choice or not, it's fucking annoying. Anybody shows me a cute cat picture, I have a momentary urge to rip their guts out. I don't know why people can't be just sort of relaxed, rather than frantically trying to be 'fun'. I take my fun a bit chilled, thank you.

 

[Sailfisher]

Happiness seems to be a product of circumstance and relative feeing of security. No amount of trying or will to it can produce happiness.

 

[HGL91]

Faking it is fucking exhausting and at the end of the day why bother because it's all bullshit because your faking it anyway.

Sadly, I think for me, I connect faking happiness with making more money at a job, so that's why I bother: money. Money to buy things that will make me happier.