Is anyone else really sad that things have got to this point?

[Sensei]

Yes, I'm really sad that things have got to this point. I try not to look back, but sometimes I can't help wondering what I could have done differently. Probably a thousand things. It's complicated. I really want to die and I really want to live.The pessimist in me says that it's already over, while the optimist says that I should just give it some more time. I'm desperate and I'm prepared to try anything. Since I'm bipolar and impulsive and both of my suicide attempts have been spontaneous and unplanned, it might end at any time and faster than it should.

Yes. I had such simple dreams as a child. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Wanted to be a stay at home mom. Simple dream right? Nope. Never happened and never will happen.

I don't understand. I have an advanced degree, told I am pretty... it just never happened. I never got asked out, had friends, etc.

I could never understand why this happened to me. Soon, I won't have to understand.

God, I can really identify with this. It never happened.

 

[MelancholyPie]

I too feel like I wasn't made for this world. I always think about how much everything around me makes me suffer and gives me no pleasure, and that's because I can't deal or cope with what life has presented me to date. I am too fragile for a life like this, and it makes me sad that I don't have the ability to just deal with it like most people seem to.

 

[Jean4]

I too feel like I wasn't made for this world. I always think about how much everything around me makes me suffer and gives me no pleasure, and that's because I can't deal or cope with what life has presented me to date. I am too fragile for a life like this, and it makes me sad that I don't have the ability to just deal with it like most people seem to.

I so relate!

 

[Nem]

I'm in this predicament because I made a bad choice in relationships and got fucked over badly by a sociopath and I'm not kidding. So yes I am disappointed it had come to this but I saw the red flags at the start of the relationship and I ignored them like a goddamned retard
Peace/hugs

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'm more angry. I got sick with one of the rarest fucking diseases at age 20 and I'm 34 now and I lost my life to it. I'm in a rage right now! I have severe nerve pain in my ears head face arm a bunch of places and in the middle of a blizzard the electricians come and my asshole of a mother actually let's them downstairs so they can start drilling. My life has been turned upside down where even the simplest of things like showering, blow dryihg my hair, eating, resting my head on a pillow, I could go on....are extremely painful experiences. Talking hurts like hell and so does listening to the happy peppy people. My life was stolen from me and even though it has left me in severe depression, my anger is at an all time high. My millionaire landlord who wears the cheapest rug on his head doesn't keep the building up to code so there is always someone coming by doing something where I have to leave. And now that iit is snowing like crazy I'm going to have to sit in the freezing car numerous times so I can get away from the sound of people snow blowing. They can blow it out their ass! I'm actually irate right now. The frustration of what I go through on a daily basis to stay at the lowest pain rate possible is ridiculous. Just had an argument with my mother and what a moron she is for not saying...I am not the landlord. I don't have the key to the basement. Then the guys downstairs who don't speak English....of course....say they're not going to make any noise and I'm sitting on my couch and I hear drilling under me. Is it too much to ask that people speak English in America? See I don't want to insult anyone so I'm going to stop. But yes I'm sad that this happened to me but I'm more angry because something was stolen from me in the blink of an eye that I had no control over. And now I'm worthless. I don't know why I'm sticking around. I have everything I need to die but I can't seem to get the courage to do it. I don't know why because I'm miserable.

 

[Woodnote]

Yes. I had so many hopes and dreams for my life. I let myself down. I'm so disappointed in myself for getting to this point..

 

[Sweet emotion]

I keep blaming myself for how bad things have become , but I know I shouldn't 100%. I've tried to make things better, but nothing seems to change and I'm so tired of trying anymore.
I want to do things in life, but because of how bad things are I feel that I have no choice but to ctb.
I'm so scared to do it, but I know that it should be done.
I keep thinking that once it's done, I won't ever have known that I was alive, and I won't be suffering so badly anymore.
I hope someone else can relate to my feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

Sweetie I absolutely can relate to your feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. There is no hope for me either and I'm completely helpless with my physical condition. There is no one that can help me because it's rare and people don't study it, even though it's the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. Don't blame yourself for anything that has happened. For many people life just sucks the big one. And many people are cursed. At least that's what I call it. We were born to suffer. I'm sorry you're in so much emotional pain. I k ow how it feels where to live one more minute seems like an eternity. Where you want to die right here right now but you just can get the guts to do it. Everyone has a choice but it's just a matter of if you want to live the rest of your life out in pain and misery or if your wuality of life has diminished so much that there is nothing left to be here for. I have no quality of life. I've never had any adult milestones like falling in love, having a career, travelling, anything like that because I got sick so young. I'm angry at life and I'm angry at people who are so damn happy.

 

[kittycat089bunny]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I don't feel alone coming on here. It feels so reassuring that there are others who feel the way that I do, and I'm glad we can find comfort in one another. Thank you

 

[almaranthine]

I wish I could do this. I just can't seem to overcome the sadness, nor the hope. Until I do, I guess sorrowful pain is all I will ever know.



Same.

Love taught me to be this way, or rather, the loss of love did. "Soul-crushing" separation was the sword that carved me into a more serious person. My hope is an ocean away, and he will never return, thus it is easy to distance myself from that emotion. I know deep down in my heart that I will never meet another quite like him, and if I ever happen to, on that one digit percent chance, the new person will appear to me as a loathsome counterfeit; even if I liked the person objectively, my subjective assessment would make it painful for me to accept them. There is this Camus essay... perhaps you are familiar. The writer believes that the greatest philosophical question is that of suicide. The piece is called "The Myth of Sisyphus" and it goes on to say that hope is the greatest ill of mankind.