Is anyone else really sad that things have got to this point?

[kittycat089bunny]

I keep blaming myself for how bad things have become , but I know I shouldn't 100%. I've tried to make things better, but nothing seems to change and I'm so tired of trying anymore.
I want to do things in life, but because of how bad things are I feel that I have no choice but to ctb.
I'm so scared to do it, but I know that it should be done.
I keep thinking that once it's done, I won't ever have known that I was alive, and I won't be suffering so badly anymore.
I hope someone else can relate to my feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

At the very begining, yes. I couldn't believe I was thinking in doing this. But as days passed I became more relaxed with the idea. Make peace with death. Still doing research about my method. Also I like the fact of knowing that there's a way out when things get worse than they actually are.

 

[Ark]

I can absolutely relate. Although I am at peace with my decision and have overcome my fears, I am very sad that I ended up at this point. I always believed things would get better, I was very wrong. I am sorry you know the feeling, truly I am.

 

[Nnana]

Yes, things seemed that they were working well, but suddenly went horribly wrong. I'm so sad that I'll have to leave, I don't want to leave my mom and my brother behind, but I can't cope with this hell at the same time. I just wish something would magically save me.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Yes i was hoping it would get better.......

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Absolutely. I relate so so much to everything you wrote! I know for me I blame myself most of all even though not everything that got me to this point was my fault. I'm still trying to come around to the idea that ctb is my ultimate fate as I really haven't accepted it fully because I still can't believe this is my life..this is it.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Agree with all of that.

 

[Astral316]

I've been at "this point" for over two decades now, so it's not surprising or even depressing... I'm bustin outta jail as far as I know. It's a relieving experience.

 

[Jean4]

Yes. I had such simple dreams as a child. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Wanted to be a stay at home mom. Simple dream right? Nope. Never happened and never will happen.

I don't understand. I have an advanced degree, told I am pretty... it just never happened. I never got asked out, had friends, etc.

I could never understand why this happened to me. Soon, I won't have to understand.

 

[anchored_astronaut]

I feel a good amount of grief for the life I'll never live. I don't even want to die. I have a mad lust for life. But I'll never be able to have a life due to a cruel combination of factors and so I'd prefer if my body were as dead as I feel. If I had any other option, a way to escape without dying, I'd take it in a blink. I'm terrified and heartbroken. I believed for way longer than I should have that everything was going to be okay, entirely because the reality of my situation is so painful.

 

[Asta]

Same here, Astral - 20 years! Leaving this body and this world will be the happiest day of my life!

 

[lonelywhale]

I have come to accept it but I can also see myself from other people's perspective and I know they would judge me for it or be a combination of sad and angry at me for doing it. It sucks if you see no other way out, I agree with that sentiment. But it's also horrible to keep suffering without an end in sight. Who's to say which one's sadder?

 

[oopswronglife]

Same here, Astral - 20 years! Leaving this body and this world will be the happiest day of my life!

You've lasted longer than I will be able to as I am nearing 20 years of complete misery since my health was ruined, and the 20+ before that wasn't a joy at all but I wasn't crippled then...and I have lasted longer than any of the assholes in my family and life would have in this situation but they all think they are so strong and better than me. They are all too narcissistic to kill themselves. If only they'd be gone and the ones like you were living well I might not hate people so much. The bad ones always seem to win.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I do especially because I feel sorry to leave one of my closest friends behind, she is the most precious and sweetest person I have ever met.
She is the reason why I will seek for help tomorrow and she knows if things don't get better that I will ctb immediately, I will suffer with crying everyday and waking up in pain as long as I didn't give seeking help one chance.
However I'm sure that if seeking for help would actually help me that it will be only temporary, ctb will be for sure the way how I die. If it's not about a few days, weeks, months then it will be within now and a few years.
It sucks that I feel like this but it's not worth it to not enjoy your life anymore and to barely have energy to look after yourself and to take away all the fun things in your life due being depressed.

 

[Conker]

It's depressing to realize that all of this pain & wounds were inflicted on me against my will. But I guess that's the nature of hell, images get dictated to you even when they're not what you truly want or need. Excited to return to nonexistence & never be intertwined with humans or Earth in any way, shape or form again. I fucking despised my time here.

Unfortunate that this is how the cookie crumbled, especially knowing how TRULY beautiful Earth could've been without Zion having life breathed into it.

 

[Empty Smile]

25 or so years of living this shitty life, and my bus still hasn't arrived. I'm rather disappointed.

 

[Conker]

Yes, things seemed that they were working well, but suddenly went horribly wrong. I'm so sad that I'll have to leave, I don't want to leave my mom and my brother behind, but I can't cope with this hell at the same time. I just wish something would magically save me.

Even though I've researched a ton on the afterlife, sad to say there doesn't seem to be any happy ending or divine intervention for any of us. Although there may be a benevolent higher power out there, they may not even know that we're missing or the exact location of Earth. There's probably a bunch of evil organized aliens using Earth as a major soul trafficking hub.

 

[MissNietzsche]

Yes...at first I wasn't..but the wiser and more emotionally-intelligent I've become, yes, the idea of killing myself indeed makes me sad.

Of course, the idea of living my whole life with how ugly I am also makes me sad. It all makes me sad.

At least I can feel sadness though..I consider that a step better than feeling numb to it all

Yes. I had such simple dreams as a child. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Wanted to be a stay at home mom. Simple dream right? Nope. Never happened and never will happen.

I don't understand. I have an advanced degree, told I am pretty... it just never happened. I never got asked out, had friends, etc.

I could never understand why this happened to me. Soon, I won't have to understand.

DUDE, FUCK..

The ONLY thing keeping me alive at this point is my dream of one day being a stay at home wife and mother.

I still have a little bit of hope that it one day could happen. Not a lot, but my dream keeps me going through the months.

I'm über terrified of being in the same position as you..because I know if I was, I'd have nothing to live for and then ctb...

I'm just surprised that I've found someone else on here with a similar situation and my possible future...

 

[MelancholyPie]

Yes. I had such simple dreams as a child. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. Wanted to be a stay at home mom. Simple dream right? Nope. Never happened and never will happen.

It feels so wrong to me that a dream this simple can be denied to someone by this terrible and cold world. It breaks my heart to see something like that being said in a place like this. I really wish your dreams would come true, for both of you.

 

[Moonicide]

Absolutely. As my time nears, I'm still absolutely heartbroken over the fact it had to come to this...
My heart aches because I'm leaving behind so much love. I'm leaving behind good people that have adored me, that have tried to support me during hard times. That have picked up the phone and listened to me cry. As well as offering me a warm place to stay. Fuck me... But it's all so temporary. All I wanted was to live a simple and calm life, but I've accepted it will never happen. My life has always been chaotic. Never quiet, nothing ever stopped. I wanted the American Dream in a sense. Marriage, kids, happiness. I wanted to make my own family as I never had a real family. I wanted to prove my dysfunctional family wrong. That I could break the cycle and live a normal life. But I did have a family, and they were my friends... I cherish them so much. There's just no way out of this. I have tried. I've tried so hard to live, but ultimately all the abuse, trauma, and pain has lead me to ctb.

 

[mediocre]

Yes. I feel like I've dug myself into a hole I can't get out of. I've neglected my life, my social skills, relationships, physical health and even basic hygiene. I now have problems with my eyesight, my teeth, my stomach, my bowel and neurological problems. I'm in pain constantly both mentally and physically. Gotten to the point I'm so overwhelmed with my problems that I can just burst into tears. I never used to be like this. Feels like there is no way out of this hell.

 

[almaranthine]

I used to be sad; now I'm just cold. I've trained myself not to hope anymore so I am devastated less by life. It's just cold, static suffering for me now. I'm apathetic.

 

[throwaway123]

I keep blaming myself for how bad things have become , but I know I shouldn't 100%. I've tried to make things better, but nothing seems to change and I'm so tired of trying anymore.
I want to do things in life, but because of how bad things are I feel that I have no choice but to ctb.
I'm so scared to do it, but I know that it should be done.
I keep thinking that once it's done, I won't ever have known that I was alive, and I won't be suffering so badly anymore.
I hope someone else can relate to my feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

yes I am. I try to avoid thinking about it because the pain is unbearable.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Yes I am. My peers ignored me unless there was a need to bully me and my parents yelled if I got home with anything less than an A. Unfortunately I'm most likely gonna fail college so it was all for nothing.
I just want to be free from the pain and memories, somewhere over the rainbow, somewhere safe and warm.

 

[BrokenHopes]

Yes I can really relate to you. I kind of mourn my life and what could have been and all that I have wasted and thrown away. I wish things could have been different. Im also very tired of trying and Im tired of loosing hope.

 

[MelancholyPie]

I used to be sad; now I'm just cold. I've trained myself not to hope anymore so I am devastated less by life. It's just cold, static suffering for me now. I'm apathetic.

I wish I could do this. I just can't seem to overcome the sadness, nor the hope. Until I do, I guess sorrowful pain is all I will ever know.

Yes I can really relate to you. I kind of mourn my life and what could have been and all that I have wasted and thrown away. I wish things could have been different. Im also very tired of trying and Im tired of loosing hope.

Same.

 

[BrokenHopes]

Same.

Im sorry you feel this way too.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yes. I feel like I've dug myself into a hole I can't get out of. I've neglected my life, my social skills, relationships, physical health and even basic hygiene. I now have problems with my eyesight, my teeth, my stomach, my bowel and neurological problems. I'm in pain constantly both mentally and physically. Gotten to the point I'm so overwhelmed with my problems that I can just burst into tears. I never used to be like this. Feels like there is no way out of this hell.

I feel like this too. Once there was hope, now...

 

[heylightiforgot]

I'm heartbroken. 'Oblivion' feels like a poor consolation prize for the fucking hell I've been put through. I understand some here see it as relief, but I really don't. Part of he hopes (against reason) that reincarnation or parallel timelines are a possibility.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I keep blaming myself for how bad things have become , but I know I shouldn't 100%. I've tried to make things better, but nothing seems to change and I'm so tired of trying anymore.
I want to do things in life, but because of how bad things are I feel that I have no choice but to ctb.
I'm so scared to do it, but I know that it should be done.
I keep thinking that once it's done, I won't ever have known that I was alive, and I won't be suffering so badly anymore.
I hope someone else can relate to my feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

Don't blame yourself. I used to do that, I used to think I should just snap out of it and be like everyone else. But we cannot help our diagnosis, the way we think and the way we process the world. I love life, I think it's a beautiful thing, the world is beautiful, but it's not for me. I'm too fragile and sensitive for it, but I still appreciate the zest others have for it. In another thread I said that I wasn't made for the world, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate it. You don't have to do big things in life, take enjoyment out of small things. Don't compare yourself and your achievements to others either. This isn't a race or a best in show. You're not alone here