is anyone else really embarrassed to be a person

[pixi]

i feel like my whole life has basically been a humiliation ritual. i hate myself and hate being a person and hate that other people are there to witness it

 

[mango000]

yeah, ive always felt extremely guilty and ashamed of existing. whenever i walk into a room with people in it i feel so guilty and i pray that none of them look in my direction so that they wont have to perceive me. i remember feeling this way since i was 5 and i dont think itll ever go away as long as i live (╥﹏╥)

 

[Rymrgand]

Yes. I hate myself and I hate when other people look at me. I'm a burden and an absolute mess and I feel really guilty because I'm making other people feel bad. If I never existed, the world would be a bit happier.

 

[divinemistress36]

I'm embarassed by my memory issues and not being able to regulate emotions

 

[floop]

absolutely, i am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for just existing. i despise myself as a person, and i know they say it's just part of the "human experience" but it definitely feels unbearable

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Yes. All humans should be embarrased as to what we've become at this point.

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[Forever Sleep]

When I was younger, I felt incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. Embarassed by how I looked, how I spoke, how I came across to people, if I behaved stupidly or clumsily.

It maybe gets to me less now, although I try to avoid people all together now, when I can.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Yes, I'm a total looser and every single thing I've ever done has reinforced and been a reminder of what a useless fool I am. I can't say I haven't tried, but I wish I hadn't bothered. I can't even bare to look at myself in the mirror, I'm so ugly and embarrassed.

 

[brokeandbroken]

i feel like my whole life has basically been a humiliation ritual. i hate myself and hate being a person and hate that other people are there to witness it

I mean this question is one I've definitely grappled with. And I honestly don't know how I feel.

I mean I was on the precipice of success, I had an extraordinary drive and work ethic, with results to prove it, bachelor's/getting into and being in medical school, president of the oncology research group. While it happened throughout crimes committed against me forced me out. From there it has been three years of constant humiliation. And to be honest growing up i was bullied a lot. Hell high school and to be honest college were no picnics either.

But the last three years have been a horse of a different color. Abandoned by my family, no friends, despite all I've done can't get a job or interviews for a job (even minimum wage jobs, probably 1000+ job app) homeless, starving at times. Maybe you are thinking he's an alcoholic or on drugs. But I'm not. I'm still doing what I should be. Yet I have no opportunities none. Everything ripped away by someone else's criminal actions. This is my life now? Seriously 0 help? No one cares? Just my life doesn't matter to literally anyone? Yet I'm not supposed to be depressed or kill myself? What kind of horrible person is that close to success and on paper at least trying to do good for the world. A force for good. To have someone snatch it away. And everyone not give a shit. I dont understand and honestly i think it's because there isnt anything to understand. Just everyone decided my life and me weren't worth any time or effort. They would rather go help anyone else even pedophiles (literally i got kicked out where i was living to make room for a literal pedophile. My lease was good for over a year longer... How can I not be disgusted with humanity.

It's abusive to not expect me to be profoundly depressed and miserable. If I was super happy I don't understand how that wouldn't be more of a problem.
Maybe I should be embarrassed because of where i am at in life. Maybe I should be embarrassed of everything I've lost and the things in life that were robbed from me literally. Maybe I should be embarrassed of a lot of things. Honestly though I've always felt you should help those that help themselves. If I've done anything in life is try to help myself. The honest truth is I'm more embarrassed of humanity and how fucked up it is then I am of myself. Given everything I am not perfect I could've done a bit better in life before things occurred but I did alright. I dont think I should be embarrassed because of crimes committed against me. I think they should be ashamed of how sick they are and I think humanity should be ashamed of how sick they are to condone it and how little anyone has done to rehabilitate the situation or stop it.

 

[Boots2Scoots]

I'm ashamed to be THIS person. All humans have flaws but some of us are cracked and broken. The stupid decisions I've made combined with mental illness make me despise who I am. I see "real" happinness around me all the time and I wish I could just be anyone else. One shot at living this life and I've blown it to bits worse than anything. My twisted brain took ahold and ruined everything I've worked for over the past 10 years. Now I live a life of poor sleep due to anxiety and depression. I can't enjoy things like I once did (weed, video games, friendships). Day by day I'm just one step closer to it all being gone.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I hate myself as a person, but I'm more ashamed to be alive.

 

[thepassenger]

I feel the same way, but I know part of what causes it. Look into 'Chronic shame' which is a trauma response some of us have.

My very cursory understanding is that if our needs aren't met when we're a baby, we start to think there is something fundamentally wrong with us. I heard Dr. Gabor Maté talk about this on a podcast:

"The world is an unsafe place because we learn about our worlds through how we interact with our caregivers. That's the template. I mean, if you ever raised a puppy dog, you know that how you treat that little infant animal has a huge impact on what kind of a creature they're gonna develop into. Well, human beings are the same. In fact, even more so because we're more dependent and more helpless than the average animal is.

So we need that care and that connection even more powerfully. So when we're lacking it, the infant assumes unconsciously that there's something wrong with them, they're not lovable, the world is not this trusting place, then we spend our lives acting out from that unconscious belief."

I don't know if this is helpful or not for you. It's food for thought at least.

 

[avalonisburning]

I'm only barely a person by the loosest, most generous and liberal definition of the word.

 

[pixi]

I feel the same way, but I know part of what causes it. Look into 'Chronic shame' which is a trauma response some of us have.

My very cursory understanding is that if our needs aren't met when we're a baby, we start to think there is something fundamentally wrong with us. I heard Dr. Gabor Maté talk about this on a podcast:

"The world is an unsafe place because we learn about our worlds through how we interact with our caregivers. That's the template. I mean, if you ever raised a puppy dog, you know that how you treat that little infant animal has a huge impact on what kind of a creature they're gonna develop into. Well, human beings are the same. In fact, even more so because we're more dependent and more helpless than the average animal is.

So we need that care and that connection even more powerfully. So when we're lacking it, the infant assumes unconsciously that there's something wrong with them, they're not lovable, the world is not this trusting place, then we spend our lives acting out from that unconscious belief."

I don't know if this is helpful or not for you. It's food for thought at least.

oh my god this is SO helpful. thank you so much. i've felt random guilt and embarrassment for no reason for as long as i can remember. it's so nice to know that im not alone and have an actual reason behind it finally

 

[blood-orange]

I constantly ruminate on embarrassing things I've done or said, a lot of the time it's minor shit that literally noone else will remember. i can't seem to control it because i have no control over my own brain. It's like torture