Venting Is anyone else just completely over life?

[whycantyouloveme]

Hi, I'm entirely new to this platform so I have zero idea if I'm doing this right. But, is anyone just genuinely over life? I honestly don't even wanna CTB because I'm so scared that there's gonna be more life after death. I don't know why I feel this way if I'm honest. My life is okay now, but i have a lot of childhood trauma, mental issues, and more trauma from several abusive relationships. I don't wanna live, but I sure as hell don't wanna die. I'm scared both outcomes are just lose, lose situations. Someone told me that nothing could happen after death, that nothing should happen because when we really think about it, we cant remember what happened to us prior to being born.
Now, I guess that makes sense, but part of me cannot help but feel like there's more too it and that's what scares me. I'm very much so lost and don't know what to do with myself. I know I'm not alone on this, but I still can't help but feel like I am. Does anyone get what I mean? or at least what I'm trying to say?

 

[zdeweilx]

Yeah everything is just so meaningless and hopeless. If only my parents had used a condom on that cold rainy night in November 1999.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I'm really scared that after death is a much worse experience than this. Most likely absolutely nothing, but even that scares me a bit. I get what you mean

Everything is so exhausting

 

[SurrealCereal]

I am suicidal not out of the inability to see a happy future. I am suicidal because I see the insane overhelming amout of work needing to be done to get there. It terrifies me and the longer I stay in this game the more work seems to pile up. I am suicidal out of fear what the alternative to death might be like.

 

[PanaxMan]

Hi, I'm entirely new to this platform so I have zero idea if I'm doing this right. But, is anyone just genuinely over life? I honestly don't even wanna CTB because I'm so scared that there's gonna be more life after death. I don't know why I feel this way if I'm honest. My life is okay now, but i have a lot of childhood trauma, mental issues, and more trauma from several abusive relationships. I don't wanna live, but I sure as hell don't wanna die. I'm scared both outcomes are just lose, lose situations. Someone told me that nothing could happen after death, that nothing should happen because when we really think about it, we cant remember what happened to us prior to being born.
Now, I guess that makes sense, but part of me cannot help but feel like there's more too it and that's what scares me. I'm very much so lost and don't know what to do with myself. I know I'm not alone on this, but I still can't help but feel like I am. Does anyone get what I mean? or at least what I'm trying to say?

Well it's irrelevant since you are gonna die anyway. No matter what.

 

[Wojaczek]

it's very exhausting to be alive

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Yeah everything is just so meaningless and hopeless. If only my parents had used a condom on that cold rainy night in November 1999.

Yeah seriously. If only our culture was psychologically literate too.

I'm aware I'm riddled with illness both physical and psychological. And I exercise great caution in only mentoring kids within my capacity. I'd never pass on these genes or perpetuate the cycle of trauma by having kids. I know good parents. I don't have that capacity. that's what makes me equivalent in moral standing: my choice to recognize that.

So many people having kids with 0 foresight or emotional + caregiving literacy.

We need a system that enforces it. I really would not be opposed to mandatory vasectomies and parenting licenses. With the right cultural framework to protect cross cultural and racial concerns of course.

 

[Hollowman]

Yep, have been for years.

 

[mikidagreen]

theres genuinely no point to life, not even the most serotonin inducing things in life will overtake how fucking sorrowful being alive is. the only actual solution is suicide.

 

[webb&flow]

I am suicidal not out of the inability to see a happy future. I am suicidal because I see the insane overhelming amout of work needing to be done to get there. It terrifies me and the longer I stay in this game the more work seems to pile up. I am suicidal out of fear what the alternative to death might be like.

I resonate with you that it can feel fucking daunting to see the grandeur of everything.

But we see everything all at once, it feels like. If we see a sink full of dishes, we feel a hundred dishes bearing on our hands at once. If we see a room full of scattered things, we feel the weight of a hundred things at once. But the truth is, we don't have to solve everything instantly, and at times, just doing a little bit piece-by-piece ("bird-by-bird", as Anne Lamott would put it), is enough to take off a serious chunk of what is bearing up a weight on an issue; and even if its mass is still not completely solved, there is still some real difference made. And that difference can accumulate, eventually summing to some serious space being created, some serious reduction in mess, that takes form, idea by idea, act by act ❤.

It is okay to delay some things ❤.

True generosity to the future lies in giving all to the present.

—Albert Camus, The Rebel.

I am suicidal out of fear what the alternative to death might be like.

And I feel you on this ♥. So many possibilities… some of them horrifying. But due to the insane variety of multitudes of possibilities, this means we at least have some diversity to pick from, and among those, paths that have scenery and beauty, even alongside the roughnesses in the trail that trip us.

It terrifies me and the longer I stay in this game the more work seems to pile up.

You have a right to decide what work you want to delay most, and what work you want to address first. Even if we are bound by an array of work, at least we can gaze upon the order that we might come to it in, and derive some freedom in this. The freedom to choose what to do. We will always have this: no matter what we do. And perhaps, to us who are so terrified by the possibility of things (this is what Kierkegaard defines as anxiety, the awareness of possibility), there is at least some solace, in knowing that some of these possibilities are not only less painful than others, but have greater relaxation and awe, than others ❤.

 

[AuraByte]

Yes. I am just so tired.

I have had enough and don't want to do this anymore.

 

[gardenoflonely]

I honestly don't even wanna CTB because I'm so scared that there's gonna be more life after death.

I'm so afraid of this too and I'm glad you wrote this. Didn't know anybody else thought this. A continuation of things similar to life even after it's over is my biggest fear. I just want to be completely done with everything.

 

[Spite]

Maybe not completely, but mostly, yeah. Can't believe I've (probably) got another 50+ years of this shit I have to slog through. It's all so tiresome...

 

[whycantyouloveme]

I'm so afraid of this too and I'm glad you wrote this. Didn't know anybody else thought this. A continuation of things similar to life even after it's over is my biggest fear. I just want to be completely done with everything.

yeah I'm glad others can agree with me on this.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

Be not afraid.

1. "You cannot please everyone; control the things you can control." ~Suncha Ferreira (Victus Group)/Mark 8:36, Matthew 13:12

2. The grass withers, the flowers fade, because the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever. (Isaiah 40:7-8)

3. The world hates liabilities, and would rather they not exist, as much as the rules dictate that all life is inherently valuable. (Proverbs 25:17)

• Even in a community of liabilities, there is no place for a liability. (John 15:18)

4. You cannot experience death, for it would be like getting put under anesthesia. (Ecclesiastes 9:5)

5. Suicide is not a sin which leads to hell (separation), but rather, it is unbelief. (John 3:16-21)

6. Despite all that you do to make your exit foolproof, there is always that one percent chance you'll survive simply because it "wasn't your time yet". (Psalm 33:10-11)

Therefore, as much as I desire to live, and that a world without me would be awfully dull and grey, this isn't up to me; if I die, I die; though my father, mother, and the whole world forsake me, the Lord will bring me up. (Esther 4:11, Psalm 27:10)