Involuntary Hospitalization was Very Traumatic (after failed attempt)

[ab112]

So I just made a post about methods and asked people not to bring up this topic, but I can't seem to get past it...and maybe I do need to talk about / read about other people's experiences. I am having a hard time finding any posted here. I was not in a psych ward, for whatever reason, they treated me in the ER alone... which was in a basement with no windows and nobody with permission to talk to me. They took my clothes and other things so I couldn't leave. I had no permission to leave until the doctor gave permission. Parents and even the police could not get me out. (This was not the USA).

I glossed over the whole thing but one thing that is the most scary is I could not refuse any tests would be run and I had no idea when I would leave. I had negative drug tests, except a small amout of oxy. (I didn't know this. I didn't know ANYTHING until I got the records when I left)

It was extremely uncomfortable, with no food & barely even any water for the entire first 12 hrs. Part of me wants to post pics (somehow I could have my phone but the battery was on 10%) and part of me is too paranoid to post pics... just picture a total dump. A friend of mine said it looked like an abandoned Russian hospital - so picture that - and that's the room I got a spinal tap in (again, I coudln't refuse the spinal tap)

Writing this post is giving me so much anxiety I don't even know if I should post it but please let me know if you've ever been in this kind of situation. I legitimately thought I died and was in hell, not actually living and in a hospital for part of the time I was there. I don't know if I can describe how bad it was just in a post like this. Maybe pics are necessary. Some are hard to post without showing a lot of personal details though.

 

[Stan]

God! That's a horrible story to hear. Glad you are out of their. Does sound like some barbaric clinic. Still trying to work out why they gave you a spinal tap. Can i ask what country you are in?

 

[imstillhungry]

I'm with you on that. I was 'treated' in the intensive care unit. By 'treated', I mean that I was put in DIAPERS, denied the privilege to get out of my bed at all (not even to use the fucking toilet), denied the privilege to wash or change myself (even though I was MORE than capable, I had no side effects at all. Was only in there to be monitored). They also washed and changed me without a curtain or anything, just did it in front of the entire fucking ward.
I told the nurses I didn't want to see my abusive parents but they always let them in anyway. When i called a nurse over in front of my parents and told her yet again that I didn't want to see them, she started SHOUTING at me saying I should be ashamed of myself, they're my parents, etc etc. I had absolutely nothing in there. No phone, magazines, NOTHING. Time went so fucking slow. I was also denied the privilege of making a phone call. Even murderers in jail get a phone call! At 8pm they'd force me to take sleeping pills, even though I didn't need them and had been sleeping fine, then they'd all put their chairs in the middle of the ward and watch TV. I shit you not. I also lost 2.5kg in 3 days. I could go on and on but the point is if you're gonna attempt in Portugal, make sure you don't fail. I wouldn't trust their healthcare to look after a fucking DOG

 

[lymestolemylife]

So I just made a post about methods and asked people not to bring up this topic, but I can't seem to get past it...and maybe I do need to talk about / read about other people's experiences. I am having a hard time finding any posted here. I was not in a psych ward, for whatever reason, they treated me in the ER alone... which was in a basement with no windows and nobody with permission to talk to me. They took my clothes and other things so I couldn't leave. I had no permission to leave until the doctor gave permission. Parents and even the police could not get me out. (This was not the USA).

I glossed over the whole thing but one thing that is the most scary is I could not refuse any tests would be run and I had no idea when I would leave. I had negative drug tests, except a small amout of oxy. (I didn't know this. I didn't know ANYTHING until I got the records when I left)

It was extremely uncomfortable, with no food & barely even any water for the entire first 12 hrs. Part of me wants to post pics (somehow I could have my phone but the battery was on 10%) and part of me is too paranoid to post pics... just picture a total dump. A friend of mine said it looked like an abandoned Russian hospital - so picture that - and that's the room I got a spinal tap in (again, I coudln't refuse the spinal tap)

Writing this post is giving me so much anxiety I don't even know if I should post it but please let me know if you've ever been in this kind of situation. I legitimately thought I died and was in hell, not actually living and in a hospital for part of the time I was there. I don't know if I can describe how bad it was just in a post like this. Maybe pics are necessary. Some are hard to post without showing a lot of personal details though.

So sorry you were treated this way, I get treated like total shit for going in with Lyme Symptoms, truth is they are bad people who put up with the evil system's demands. Otherwise they wouldn't be able to tolerate treating people like that, but they do it for the money. This is utter BS. Wheres the fucking compassion?

 

[Alec]

It sounds horrible and absolutely horrifying!!! And the way the nurse treated you when you told her you didn't want to see your parents is absolutely disgusting and repulsive!!!! The nurse is disgusting!!! And the nurse is the one who should be ashamed of herself!!! I'm an SO SO SO sorry you went through such a traumatic experience!!!! And right after an attempt!!! You deserve so much better!!!!! Please PLEASE PLEASE stay strong!!! I love you!!!

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Oh my God I am so sorry you had to experience that, a forced spinal tap? I cant imagine how any of that could be legal. What a horrifying experience... really , I truly cant imagine the terror and confusion that must have all caused you... I am glad you are out... the spinal tap doesn't even make sense, all drug tests can be done with blood and urine. A spinal tap is used to diagnose conditions like Multiple sclerosis and Parkinson's, and that is even becoming less common these days. There are very few reasons to put a human through that, and it should always be by their permission only.

You know you'll get all the support you need from some people here. I hope you're feeling better and you can put that experience behind you..

------

@lymestolemylife

I get treated like total shit for going in with Lyme Symptoms.

I beat Lyme about 13 years ago. Almost completely , I'd say 98%. using a special diet and Hyperbaric Chamber Therapy. I had a bad case with a late diagnosis. If you ever want to talk feel free to PM chat or start a conversation.

 

[painoflife]

I'm sorry you were treated this way.
It's shocking you would be subjected to this when you were already so desperate. Surely they should know it won't help you and will make you feel worse.
Some places definitely need to make themselves more aware of how best to look after people

 

[ab112]

Wow - I just read this thread and oh my god - thank you all so much for these messages. It means more than you know... totally... to read this from people who don't even know me who have this much compassion (and I didn't even tell the full horror show)...and people who know me "feel bad... BUT..." always, except for 1 girl who fights human rights abuses

Stan can you send private messages on here? I'll let you know - I don't know if I want to post where this happened yet. It was a Western European country if that helps give some perspective. Still, nothing like the USA.

I forgot if I even mentioned this but I read all my labs when I left and I was EXTREMELY dehydrated (from the hangover and the meds) and they never gave me a freaking saline IV! What hospital do you go to that doesn't start a saline drip in the ER as the first thing? I had to beg / trick them to let me buy food from the vending machine - but then the machine couldn't take notes (only coin) and so thank god someone waiting in the room by the machine gave me a 2 euro coin or I likely would've been in a lot worse shape. Water went straight through me. I needed sugar / salt. The doctors and staff had no intention of giving me any food, nor were they remotely concerned that my electrolytes were insanely off.

Do you want to know what the doctor told me? "I don't understand why your blood alcohol is 0 and you're 'acting like this' so I have to keep you until I figure it out"

I wasn't just forced to have a spinal tap. I was first forced to have an EKG, then CT scan, then urine/blood, then ultimately a spinal tap. I refused repeatedly & they said then I'd be in the psych ward indefinitely - and we'd be going there now. I think, in retrospect, they might have been lying. Their rationale for a spinal tap was my low fever of 100.7 or something (forgot the Celsius number) and high-ish lymphocytes. I had no headache or neck pain, so it was still inappropriate. I've been in agony for 1-2 minutes every half hour for the past few days. Spinal headache. It's not that uncommon but it's really bad.

(I was angry at having been forced there) There's so much more... it's hard to talk about but your replies were really so appreciated.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

It sounds like they treated you with every expensive test they thought they could get finacial compensation for, and ignored your clear need to be treated for dehydration. I guess there isn't much money is saline and electrolytes.

This is truly a crime against humanity. It makes me sick... again I am very sorry...

 

[ab112]

Oh my god - imstillhungry
--- I totally missed your post - holy shit! You had it worse than me I think. Thank you so much for posting that. I am sure you didn't really want to relive it by posting it or maybe you didn't mind but it really helps me understand I am not alone with what I went through. That was also a huge thing - I was totally alone in this basement (I legitimately cant go in basements now) - and nobody would talk to me. Ever. They just got angry at me for asking anything.

When I was finally dressed and released, I RIPPED APART the doctor about how she is a sadistic woman (yeah it was a woman - men/ women - doesn't matter) who got pleasure out of causing me pain and the more pain she caused , the more she enjoyed it. She got very defensive and I said "you wouldn't be so upset and defensive if it wasn't TOTALLY true!"

I want to post some pics now that I know the type of people here & reading this thread. I'll see what I can find that isn't too "revealing" ... the last thing I need is for someone here to recognize the place / them / me / whatever. (I won't be in the pics, but the situation, etc)

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

I'm with you on that. I was 'treated' in the intensive care unit. By 'treated', I mean that I was put in DIAPERS, denied the privilege to get out of my bed at all (not even to use the fucking toilet), denied the privilege to wash or change myself (even though I was MORE than capable, I had no side effects at all. Was only in there to be monitored). They also washed and changed me without a curtain or anything, just did it in front of the entire fucking ward.
I told the nurses I didn't want to see my abusive parents but they always let them in anyway. When i called a nurse over in front of my parents and told her yet again that I didn't want to see them, she started SHOUTING at me saying I should be ashamed of myself, they're my parents, etc etc. I had absolutely nothing in there. No phone, magazines, NOTHING. Time went so fucking slow. I was also denied the privilege of making a phone call. Even murderers in jail get a phone call! At 8pm they'd force me to take sleeping pills, even though I didn't need them and had been sleeping fine, then they'd all put their chairs in the middle of the ward and watch TV. I shit you not. I also lost 2.5kg in 3 days. I could go on and on but the point is if you're gonna attempt in Portugal, make sure you don't fail. I wouldn't trust their healthcare to look after a fucking DOG

Disgusting...no one anywhere in any country should be treated that was for any reason unless they are violent and need to be restrained, even then a person should have a right to privacy

 

[SawItOnce]

I can only shudder here. I find it so obvious that the people treating you people have severe mental issues. One would have to be really ill to not have compassion to this extent.

 

[ab112]

Even murderers in jail get a phone call! [...] if you're gonna attempt in Portugal, make sure you don't fail. I wouldn't trust their healthcare to look after a fucking DOG

Murderers also get to call the US Embassy if they are abroad in Europe or most other regions, and they must be given the phone to call. Hospital patients do not have the right to call the US embassy if they are out of the country. Just something else to keep in mind.

 

[ObsessiveCompulsive]

When I attempted at the end of high school they made sure to jam their fingers in my ass.

Very unpleasant for me.

 

[imstillhungry]

Oh my god - imstillhungry
--- I totally missed your post - holy shit! You had it worse than me I think. Thank you so much for posting that. I am sure you didn't really want to relive it by posting it or maybe you didn't mind but it really helps me understand I am not alone with what I went through. That was also a huge thing - I was totally alone in this basement (I legitimately cant go in basements now) - and nobody would talk to me. Ever. They just got angry at me for asking anything.

When I was finally dressed and released, I RIPPED APART the doctor about how she is a sadistic woman (yeah it was a woman - men/ women - doesn't matter) who got pleasure out of causing me pain and the more pain she caused , the more she enjoyed it. She got very defensive and I said "you wouldn't be so upset and defensive if it wasn't TOTALLY true!"

I want to post some pics now that I know the type of people here & reading this thread. I'll see what I can find that isn't too "revealing" ... the last thing I need is for someone here to recognize the place / them / me / whatever. (I won't be in the pics, but the situation, etc)

I'm glad sharing my story can help you in a small way, even if it's just knowing you're not alone. It's disgusting that suicide survivors are still being treated like this in 2019. There seems to be a lot of sadistic sociopaths in the healthcare profession! Did you have to see a psychiatrist?

I had 1x 30 min appointment where I convinced him I was fine, no longer suicidal etc. He then had a meeting with my abusive parents without my consent (I'm an adult so I'm sure that breaks all kinds of guidelines), came back and started lecturing me on how my parents are 'in charge' and I 'have to do what they say'. I'm a grown adult and live in a different country to them... what the fuck?

He also 'diagnosed' me with bipolar based not on our meeting, but on his meeting with my abusive parents! Imagine diagnosing someone with a mental illness based on the testimony of their abuser? I don't even have the symptoms, I've never had the manic phase so how the fuck could I be bipolar? Not to mention a psychiatrist has to see BOTH phases in action before making a bipolar diagnosis. If I have anything it's depression, not bipolar.

He also wrote in the discharge papers that I suffer from frequent hallucinations, therefore he also 'diagnosed' me with borderline personality disorder. Yes I hallucinated during my time in hospital because I'd overdosed on sleeping pills, but that's the only time I've ever hallucinated in my life.

i also have an uncontrolled overactive thyroid which causes a whole load of physical and mental symptoms (anxiety and paranoia for example). My regular doctor back home- who actually knows me- says it's highly unethical to diagnose someone with mental illness while their thyroid is uncontrolled, because usually when the thyroid is brought under control the 'mental issues' (aka thyroid symptoms) disappear.
Not that there's anything wrong with having the disorders I mentioned, but it angers me to know that I was most likely falsely diagnosed. Those type of diagnoses can ruin people's future career dreams and shit, so to diagnose me like it was nothing based on his meeting with my abusive parents really pisses me off.

That psychiatrist was a joke. That entire hospital was a joke. How they're still allowed to operate is beyond me.

I was also never told anything, they'd just do tests/whatever without informing me of what was going on. Every time I asked what was going to happen next, or when I'd be discharged, I'd just get a sarcastic 'you know what you did, right?'

I'm sorry about your experience. I hope you can begin to heal and know you didn't deserve to be treated like that. The way we were treated, especially considering we're suicide survivors, is beyond disgusting. The comment the doctor made to you is so unprofessional, not to mention fucked up on a basic human level. I'm sorry you had to deal with idiots like that. You deserved to be treated with compassion.
I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, but I hope you can see you're not alone and begin to heal somehow.
Sending you love

 

[Taki]

So I just made a post about methods and asked people not to bring up this topic, but I can't seem to get past it...and maybe I do need to talk about / read about other people's experiences. I am having a hard time finding any posted here. I was not in a psych ward, for whatever reason, they treated me in the ER alone... which was in a basement with no windows and nobody with permission to talk to me. They took my clothes and other things so I couldn't leave. I had no permission to leave until the doctor gave permission. Parents and even the police could not get me out. (This was not the USA).

I glossed over the whole thing but one thing that is the most scary is I could not refuse any tests would be run and I had no idea when I would leave. I had negative drug tests, except a small amout of oxy. (I didn't know this. I didn't know ANYTHING until I got the records when I left)

It was extremely uncomfortable, with no food & barely even any water for the entire first 12 hrs. Part of me wants to post pics (somehow I could have my phone but the battery was on 10%) and part of me is too paranoid to post pics... just picture a total dump. A friend of mine said it looked like an abandoned Russian hospital - so picture that - and that's the room I got a spinal tap in (again, I coudln't refuse the spinal tap)

Writing this post is giving me so much anxiety I don't even know if I should post it but please let me know if you've ever been in this kind of situation. I legitimately thought I died and was in hell, not actually living and in a hospital for part of the time I was there. I don't know if I can describe how bad it was just in a post like this. Maybe pics are necessary. Some are hard to post without showing a lot of personal details though.

Horrible. Can I ask what country you're in?

 

[almaranthine]

The first time I was involuntarily hospitalized, I didn't think I was in hell, but I thought that I was thrust into the biblical apocalypse, specifically the post-rapture tribulation period whereupon all those that did not know god were given a second chance. Of course, it did not help that fellow patients in the hospital shared names with some of the disciples. It was not until after I was released from the hospital, reeling, suspended on 3 different antipsychotic medications, that I ran my car through a red light at an intersection and got in a pretty bad accident when I finally felt like I was in "hell".

I sympathize with your suffering though I cannot understand it in its entirety.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

What a sickening story. It destroys what little faith in humanity I had left. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

 

[ab112]

I keep emailing the person responsible for me ending up in that position but I never press send. Well, there were a few people responsible. One of them - we agreed we're basically never talking to each other again. The other one... it's a different story. He's the one I haven't emailed.

There seems to be a lot of sadistic sociopaths in the healthcare profession! Did you have to see a psychiatrist?

I had 1x 30 min appointment where I convinced him I was fine, no longer suicidal etc. He then had a meeting with my abusive parents without my consent (I'm an adult so I'm sure that breaks all kinds of guidelines), came back and started lecturing me on how my parents are 'in charge' and I 'have to do what they say'. I'm a grown adult and live in a different country to them... what the fuck?

Yeah, I saw the psychiatrist at 3 AM after being there 13 hours....exact same thing happened as you. So so weird how similar it was. Well, no parents were here but it was a 30 min conversation that said I'm not suicidal and everything was a misunderstanding, etc... but why did I see her LAST?? If I saw her first, the whole fucking thing never would've happened. It made no sense. She was the only nice one there. She was the one who let me out. She helped me get home too. Everyone else was evil except 2 nurses. The nurse who got me food with the vending machines and the nurse who was talking to me and sort of comforting me during the spinal tap.

 

[TowerUpright]

Oh, man. So sad to hear this... Andcam sorry you had to go through that ordeal.

 

[realjunes]

ab112 - This whole thing sounds like a horror movie, but you lived it. I am angry that you were treated this way, especially as an adult. I really have no words this was so horrible, except to lamely say I am sorry this happened to you. Somehow that does not seem sufficient, sorry.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Im so sorry youve been treated like that! A forced spinal tap...Id have a panic attack so bad they would need to carry me out of the room feetfirst.
Doctors are psychopaths. Thats why Im walking around with failing bone marrow and a lung infection and refuse to check it out, they will only tell me Im fine and the symptoms are in my head anyway. Like my 'normal resting heartrate' of 170-80 bpm.

Lemme tell you a story of how I was treated when I jumped off a bridge
Cant say they didnt do they job at treating me - my back injury was stabilized, I was xrayed, put on drips and breathing tube and had my stomach pumped of drugs, but their comments....Sometimes I wonder how come such inhuman, sadistic sociopaths end up being able to pursue a career in fileds that require working with people. The emt picking me up into the ambulance proceeded to lecture me on how Im a huge attention seeker, complained to me that she was about to have her only coffee break before coming off the shift and I needed to come by and ruin it, urged me to try and jump again in the dead of night so Im not a problem to anyone. I was barely able to comprehend what was going on, strapped down to a board, eyes wide as saucers and a fucking plastic hose shoved in my throat, but no reaction was needed, she kept going on and on anyway.
Like...youre a paramedic, youre gonna have to receive calls for suicides. I dont understand? If you really hate the idea of helping an injured person so much and have so many biases regarding self infliction of injuries, then why the fuck do you work this job??? 'Jeez, I couldnt gossip with my friends on facebook today because I needed to pull a drowning person out of the river'. She was such a grand bitch.
Did I mention cracking jokes like 'Be sure to jump headfirst next time', 'Love to see you leap in only a bikini so you can show off that body of yours' and 'He who doesnt jump is a cop!'???

80% ofmy medical encounters were like that to be honest, including sewing up slit wrists with no anesthesia and letting me sleep in my vomit for 15 hours after an overdose to punish me, but that one takes the cake.
And the diagnosis of borderline made with no assessment whatsoever ruined my life too, because whatever I say now is dismissed when it doesnt fit the label, they wont bother reevaluating me, and borderlines are treated like the plague anyway, perceived to be untreatable. Got denied help from like 3 different treatment centers this year solely because of my diagnosis.

UGH. Recalling it just makes me wanna die even more. Need to remember to include final changes in my will this week.

 

[c824767]

So I just made a post about methods and asked people not to bring up this topic, but I can't seem to get past it...and maybe I do need to talk about / read about other people's experiences. I am having a hard time finding any posted here. I was not in a psych ward, for whatever reason, they treated me in the ER alone... which was in a basement with no windows and nobody with permission to talk to me. They took my clothes and other things so I couldn't leave. I had no permission to leave until the doctor gave permission. Parents and even the police could not get me out. (This was not the USA).

I glossed over the whole thing but one thing that is the most scary is I could not refuse any tests would be run and I had no idea when I would leave. I had negative drug tests, except a small amout of oxy. (I didn't know this. I didn't know ANYTHING until I got the records when I left)

It was extremely uncomfortable, with no food & barely even any water for the entire first 12 hrs. Part of me wants to post pics (somehow I could have my phone but the battery was on 10%) and part of me is too paranoid to post pics... just picture a total dump. A friend of mine said it looked like an abandoned Russian hospital - so picture that - and that's the room I got a spinal tap in (again, I coudln't refuse the spinal tap)

Writing this post is giving me so much anxiety I don't even know if I should post it but please let me know if you've ever been in this kind of situation. I legitimately thought I died and was in hell, not actually living and in a hospital for part of the time I was there. I don't know if I can describe how bad it was just in a post like this. Maybe pics are necessary. Some are hard to post without showing a lot of personal details though.

that is inhumane and I understand that you are FREAKED out. I was in the hospital 3 times after a suicide attempt/incident and I was able to be treated fairly most of the time, with one exception when I had to request a private conversation with a nurse to tell her that she was out of line. how can you apply to a human rights institution to tell your story. You need a voice to tell people about your ordeal and suffering.

 

[CyanideSoup]

Oh my gosh this is awful I'm so sorry you had to go through this!