Invisible

[rangerrabbit]

I'm just gonna put this here because I'm to wimpy to tell my friends or family. I've been super insecure for most of my life but never this bad. My dad was an alcoholic and took most of his rage out on his family. He would yell at me to the point of tears. He was also a sugar daddy and cheated on my mom for over 10 years. This left me with a lot of trauma. I had a narcissist bf right after being suicidal and depressed. I relied on him but he was super controlling and manipulative. He'd control who I could and couldn't hang out with and made me feel guilty for having friends. While a normal person would have dumped him I was too insecure to and thought the only way I could is if he cheated. By waiting I got dumped over text on new years after 3 years. Even though he treated me like shit he was my first love and I was super sad. When I went to college I met another boy who was great and I was super happy but I dealt with eating disorders and depression. I started cutting and constantly trying to strangle myself to death but it didn't work. I came home and never imagined the amount of guilt and shame I would have. And I don't know how to explain that to my friends. And I don't want to go around talking about suicide but I really just feel so alone. I have too much anxiety to leave my house.I wish I could sit above the clouds or just die really peacefully.

 

[AloneInCollege]

Having depression and being suicidal really can be so isolating. I understand some of what you go through, I don't talk about myself to anyone irl because I know they won't understand and have trust issues. Coming home from college, even for the holiday can be a lot too.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you have suffered a lot, it really is such a cruel and painful existence and the reality is that there is simply nothing fair about this. I'm sorry that you are trapped in this situation, of course leaving this world in a peaceful way sounds so ideal to me as well.

 

[rangerrabbit]

Having depression and being suicidal really can be so isolating. I understand some of what you go through, I don't talk about myself to anyone irl because I know they won't understand and have trust issues. Coming home from college, even for the holiday can be a lot too.

Yeah exactly :( and my twin sister is home too and she has tons of friends and a bf and still goes to college

It really sounds like you have suffered a lot, it really is such a cruel and painful existence and the reality is that there is simply nothing fair about this. I'm sorry that you are trapped in this situation, of course leaving this world in a peaceful way sounds so ideal to me as well.

I wish