Introduction!!

[napsterbuscatcher]

hello!

i have been a long time lurker (at least 6 months) and decided to finally apply for an account recently because i truly want to interact with the community here and shout out my stupid thoughts out into the void, because i really don't have an outlet for that otherwise lol

i have been suicidal for around 4 years now, and as my name tells ya i am planning on acting it at some point. i don't have a definite method yet but SN is the one i've researched and considered most.

i sometimes fluctuate between wanting recovery and wanting to cbt, but i know i'm not fit for life in any way or form, and continuing would bring me even more suffering than i currently have.

only thing stopping me right now is the fear of hurting my close ones, which i plan to distance myself from by the end of this summer. i know it is inevitable and i try to accept it, but i would really appreciate it someone told me how they cope with the thought of hurting close ones/passerbys/cleaners due to cbt!!

i enjoy all things whimsy and am a fan of filling my brain with various sources of meaningless media to not have to constantly think haha
absurdist art movies bring me some sort of contentedness along with books that depict my internal feelings as well as others' in disgustingly good detail. recommend me some if you know any!!! also a yuri lover lol

my current mission is to find DSL, even though i do have another source for SN, but i feel like that's the best way to ensure purity.

see you around! i'll probably be quite active here.

 

[_wishforwings]

Welcome to the forum, but sorry life has brought you here :-( I like your profile layout it's super cute.

The fear of hurting loved ones is definitely rough and no amount of distancing will change or stop someone from caring unfortunately, but I do understand because I've been trying to keep my distances as best as I can as well. If you are still to the point of even slightly considering recovery, than I think maybe you should reconsider CTBing for now. But I also may be a bit biased because I'm not really specifically pro choice when it comes to suicide but in a more grey area.. Nevertheless I do hope you can find peace in whatever decision you ultimately make and I look forward to seeing you here :D

 

[napsterbuscatcher]

Welcome to the forum, but sorry life has brought you here :-( I like your profile layout it's super cute.

The fear of hurting loved ones is definitely rough and no amount of distancing will change or stop someone from caring unfortunately, but I do understand because I've been trying to keep my distances as best as I can as well. If you are still to the point of even slightly considering recovery, than I think maybe you should reconsider CTBing for now. But I also may be a bit biased because I'm not really specifically pro choice when it comes to suicide but in a more grey area.. Nevertheless I do hope you can find peace in whatever decision you ultimately make and I look forward to seeing you here :D

definitely agree, i'm not exactly fully committed to the extreme of pro choice in this context, but i do think that any sense of wanting recovery just comes from my fear of hurting loved ones, just the final thing i need to get over. going to purchase necessary materials once i get my social assistance for next month (live love socialism), and set a date once i know how to isolate myself!