Story Introduction

[BecomingDiamond]

Hi, My name is AyanoNova, I dunno if this is where I put this, but I wanted to make an intro-ish. How is everyone?

I've been wanting to end by life since I was 6, ever since then I've always had suicidal thoughts. I was neglected as a child while also being thr favorite (Mom had to deal with her 30 year old sons coming in and my dad didn't want to deal with it because they weren't his sons, but I was the favorite because I was his only daughter.) So I spent alot of time alone, it didn't help that I was kicked out of school at 13 due to having a bad reaction to vaccines, thus my parents didn't give me any more. So I was homeschooled Pre-Covid, and I've never left the house since. I never had a job before, nor ID so I'm getting those so late in the game.

4 years ago my father forced me into a commission agreement with one of his friends, it was my first ever commission but I knew I wasn't ready for what she was asking for, but I had to do it. He then takes the money without telling me, so I had to do the art for free (he hasn't payed me back since neither) he then molests me because of three reasons, one he didn't want to pay for sex because of his pride, two was to get back at me for not spending time with him since I was a child and three to make me traumatized and not get help for it like him. I was going to kill myself that night but my dog stopped me. Then I find out he's been grooming me since I was a child and then my mother dies 4 months later.

I never got over this, and have since tried to end my life 3 years ago by OD both me and my dog, but I didn't take enough and I was scared. So I'm giving myself a year to fix myself, and if I don't I'll end my life, so that I at least made an effort.

Currently taking anti depressants and about to be evicted tomorrow, thus I have to give my dog up. So I don't think I'll be able to survive the year if I don't have my dog... But my fear of death is overpowering... So I don't know.

I hope I can get to know and make friends on here, and if this isn't where I'm supposed to post this, feel free to delete. <3

 

[OmoriFan]

To me its interesting to see someone give themselves a year to "fix their life" but with what you said i dont know if that could be enough of time. Recovery takes a long time, sometimes youre going to feel better and sometimes worse. Although i am unsure on what advice to give you (as i havent lived through what you did and so i dont know how you might feel) i know its not going to be easy, thats for sure, but i do wish you the best of luck. I hope you find a spark in life that will keep you going and will help you reach happiness good luck out there

 

[skyflame]

Welcome

 

[cherryblossom]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I hope you can find the strength to heal and move forward with life, it's never too late to turn your life around, although it's very difficult and challenging, many people are able to heal little by little, one year may not be enough time to fully and completely heal but it can be enough to give you some positive outlook on life and a motivation to keep going, remember healing is not linear, you can have the most terrible day after 5 years but it doesn't at all mean that you're going back to ground zero, I wish you find happiness and peace

 

[Worndown]

Some people get more "breaks" then they deserve. You did not.
Any form of recovery is a long term process. There is no rushing it. Do you know of local resources?
Are there shelters in your area that would accept a dog? A place for your dog until you work this out?
If all this fails, what are your options or plan?

 

[NoRespawn]

you better keep that dang dog, or at least find someone or somewhere to put them. pets are the only thing that give you that love that some people are incapable of giving for some reason.
hence why i feed the strays in my neighborhood, good company.

 

[Hana68]

I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through, you can pm me if you want to talk also welcome to this forum

 

[FriesLovee]

Wow
I think u need to post more if u wanna make friends here since I can't even start a convo with u ( convo feature not there on ur profile yet )
Either way that's a really unfortunate story.

 

[DeadNotSleeping]

Your experience is awful I'm so sorry you've had to endure that. I agree with the others that a year might not be enough time. It's absolutely a good start though. I'm still new here as well but welcome to the forum anyhow. I've noticed this place is incredibly welcoming.

 

[BecomingDiamond]

To me its interesting to see someone give themselves a year to "fix their life" but with what you said i dont know if that could be enough of time. Recovery takes a long time, sometimes youre going to feel better and sometimes worse. Although i am unsure on what advice to give you (as i havent lived through what you did and so i dont know how you might feel) i know its not going to be easy, thats for sure, but i do wish you the best of luck. I hope you find a spark in life that will keep you going and will help you reach happiness good luck out there

Thanks, I really appreciate it..

Some people get more "breaks" then they deserve. You did not.
Any form of recovery is a long term process. There is no rushing it. Do you know of local resources?
Are there shelters in your area that would accept a dog? A place for your dog until you work this out?
If all this fails, what are your options or plan?

Im not too sure, we were granted a 2 weeks to make up the payment of 4k, no shelter has called me back when i left my number and stuff so I'm.. Out of options and i don't really have a plan.

you better keep that dang dog, or at least find someone or somewhere to put them. pets are the only thing that give you that love that some people are incapable of giving for some reason.
hence why i feed the strays in my neighborhood, good company.

I am planning on signing him up for being an ESA soon, i just gotta ask my therapist. <3

Wow
I think u need to post more if u wanna make friends here since I can't even start a convo with u ( convo feature not there on ur profile yet )
Either way that's a really unfortunate story.

Right, I'm gonna try and post more, I'm kinda newish to forms <3

Your experience is awful I'm so sorry you've had to endure that. I agree with the others that a year might not be enough time. It's absolutely a good start though. I'm still new here as well but welcome to the forum anyhow. I've noticed this place is incredibly welcoming.

Yeah I noticed, I'm still setting everything up so I can conversate and learn more. <3