Venting Introduction & Why I'm Here

[futurecorpse]

Hi all. First, I want to thank the SS team for accepting me. I joined this site to talk with others who may have the same or similar mindset as me. I also wanted to see if there are others who have similar struggles. I've been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, MDD, and GAD. I don't have a ton of support, so I've been feeling incredibly alone and the depression has been creeping back up.
I was recently in the psych ward for a suicide attempt and I knew my problems would still be there once I was discharged. A lot of it is interpersonal issues and yes, I know I can only change how I respond to them. But I'm so tired, physically and mentally, and I just want to fall into an eternal sleep. I truly don't think things will get better. On top of this, I recently lost my job due to abandonment (even though I was in the hospital), so I really feel like I have nothing left. I'm not sure why I'm here, and I'm devastated my attempt didn't work. I put every negative thought and feeling into my plan, only to have it miserably backfire. It took 11 months to build up the confidence to do it. It seems like this year will be about rejection and abandonment, so I don't want to take any chances and prolong my suffering. If you read all this, thank you. I hope to at least be able to connect with you guys. x

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I welcome you and your problems.

I also am a victim of abandonment and have PTSD. I hope we can get along.

Sorry if this is the worse response.

I have to go to sleep and eat soon, but I am an energetic ADHD person you will perhaps get annoyed by but I will give you all my warm hugs and support until you get back on your feet.

Talk to you soon and deeply sorry for what happened and the job you lost. :((

It hurts existing here

 

[platypus77]

Welcome!

Feel free to talk here at any time, people here are so nice that feels unreal.

 

[resurgence]

hugs <3
trauma brain sucks so bad
ppl are really nice and easy to talk to here, and you will find people who understand things you're going through

 

[maniac116]

Welcome! I'm sorry that your situation has brought you to this website. There is a very supportive community here.
Be aware that there are a few people here for other, not so good reasons as well.
You won't have access to PMs until you've made some posts so I would start posting so you can unlock them.
I'm diagnosed with PTSD, MDD, GAD & other disorders.
I hope you are able to find what you're looking for here.

 

[futurecorpse]

I welcome you and your problems.

I also am a victim of abandonment and have PTSD. I hope we can get along.

Sorry if this is the worse response.

I have to go to sleep and eat soon, but I am an energetic ADHD person you will perhaps get annoyed by but I will give you all my warm hugs and support until you get back on your feet.

Talk to you soon and deeply sorry for what happened and the job you lost. :((

It hurts existing here

Thank you so much, I appreciate that :,) I'm sorry you also went through abandonment, and PTSD is so real. No need to apologize at all! I look forward to talking with you. I completely agree, existing is just so painful

Welcome!

Feel free to talk here at any time, people here are so nice that feels unreal.

Thank you! I really do want to connect with others, and give/receive support from others who know how painful existing is

hugs <3
trauma brain sucks so bad
ppl are really nice and easy to talk to here, and you will find people who understand things you're going through

Hugs to you too
It really does! It's so exhausting to live with trauma. I keep getting told that things will get better, but do they really? A family member doesn't really want to be bothered by my problems and negativity, and I understand that's her boundary. But I don't really have anyone to talk to besides my therapist

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Thank you so much, I appreciate that :,) I'm sorry you also went through abandonment, and PTSD is so real. No need to apologize at all! I look forward to talking with you. I completely agree, existing is just so painful

As you wait to receive DM and PMs after a certain time you're on here more, just wish to share you're appreciated .

Abandonment does stick with you for a long time. I have a psychological disorder known as monophobia so it equally puts me through a lot of stress. Hope you're okay with your BPD? I know a friend who recently disappeared who had it and really enjoyed his company even though he would repeat the same thing regarding hissituation. I missed him. Chat anytime about anytime! Vent, tell, scream, gossip… doesn't matter ((:

Also, I may not know your other symptoms you struggle with, but I'm here for you and if you teach me what they are. I love learning. Ah, there's a forum for making friends too ((:. it's in Offtopic

I posted my bio there, but you can equally see it on my signature or about tab too ^^

And the food was okay…
I'm still trying to sleep

Ah, reach out whoever!! Once again :>

And truly apologize for how we ended up here. Hope things works out and you have your bills paid to talk some more sadly been through this a lot, but I don't mind it in a good community and lovingly supportive

 

[futurecorpse]

Welcome! I'm sorry that your situation has brought you to this website. There is a very supportive community here.
Be aware that there are a few people here for other, not so good reasons as well.
You won't have access to PMs until you've made some posts so I would start posting so you can unlock them.
I'm diagnosed with PTSD, MDD, GAD & other disorders.
I hope you are able to find what you're looking for here.

Thank you for your kind words! I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts/attempts for the past 11 years, but lately it's been getting worse. I found Sasu on another website describing how someone died by SN. Weird how it worked out like that :0 Thank you for the heads up as well, I appreciate it. Do you know how many posts I have to make before I can have access to PMs?

 

[Mukuro Ikusaba]

Hi all. First, I want to thank the SS team for accepting me. I joined this site to talk with others who may have the same or similar mindset as me. I also wanted to see if there are others who have similar struggles. I've been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, MDD, and GAD. I don't have a ton of support, so I've been feeling incredibly alone and the depression has been creeping back up.
I was recently in the psych ward for a suicide attempt and I knew my problems would still be there once I was discharged. A lot of it is interpersonal issues and yes, I know I can only change how I respond to them. But I'm so tired, physically and mentally, and I just want to fall into an eternal sleep. I truly don't think things will get better. On top of this, I recently lost my job due to abandonment (even though I was in the hospital), so I really feel like I have nothing left. I'm not sure why I'm here, and I'm devastated my attempt didn't work. I put every negative thought and feeling into my plan, only to have it miserably backfire. It took 11 months to build up the confidence to do it. It seems like this year will be about rejection and abandonment, so I don't want to take any chances and prolong my suffering. If you read all this, thank you. I hope to at least be able to connect with you guys. x

Don't put your trust into society, it'll always bring you great despair.

 

[futurecorpse]

As you wait to receive DM and PMs after a certain time you're on here more, just wish to share you're appreciated .

Abandonment does stick with you for a long time. I have a psychological disorder known as monophobia so it equally puts me through a lot of stress. Hope you're okay with your BPD? I know a friend who recently disappeared who had it and really enjoyed his company even though he would repeat the same thing regarding hissituation. I missed him. Chat anytime about anytime! Vent, tell, scream, gossip… doesn't matter ((:

Also, I may not know your other symptoms you struggle with, but I'm here for you and if you teach me what they are. I love learning. Ah, there's a forum for making friends too ((:. it's in Offtopic

I posted my bio there, but you can equally see it on my signature or about tab too ^^

And the food was okay…
I'm still trying to sleep

Ah, reach out whoever!! Once again :>

And truly apologize for how we ended up here. Hope things works out and you have your bills paid to talk some more sadly been through this a lot, but I don't mind it in a good community and lovingly supportive

Thanks again :)
You're right, abandonment leaves a long lasting effect on you. I can only imagine what it's like to have monophobia AND be abandonment. Sending you hugs My BPD is at its worst when I have what's called a "Favorite Person." This website does a really good job explaining an FP and all that it entails: https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-it-means-to-have-a-bpd-favorite-person
I've had the same FP for almost 2 years, but the infatuation sort of calmed down while I was in the hospital. Unfortunately it did pop up after I sent him a friend request on FB (because I'm an idiot lol) but I don't think it's as intense pre-hospitalization. And I haven't texted him back in almost 3 weeks, so progress?? My FP is one of the reasons why I attempted so it's safe to say we are not good for each other. :( I think I'll make a post about it soon!
I'll check out your posts and bio too! I hope you can get a good nights rest. I have a big hospital bill glaring at me, so I'm stressed about that, but I do have a payment plan set up. It's been hard adjusting back to reality. I miss being in a safe environment knowing I can't do anything dangerous

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Thanks again :)
You're right, abandonment leaves a long lasting effect on you. I can only imagine what it's like to have monophobia AND be abandonment. Sending you hugs My BPD is at its worst when I have what's called a "Favorite Person." This website does a really good job explaining an FP and all that it entails: https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-it-means-to-have-a-bpd-favorite-person
I've had the same FP for almost 2 years, but the infatuation sort of calmed down while I was in the hospital. Unfortunately it did pop up after I sent him a friend request on FB (because I'm an idiot lol) but I don't think it's as intense pre-hospitalization. And I haven't texted him back in almost 3 weeks, so progress?? My FP is one of the reasons why I attempted so it's safe to say we are not good for each other. :( I think I'll make a post about it soon!
I'll check out your posts and bio too! I hope you can get a good nights rest. I have a big hospital bill glaring at me, so I'm stressed about that, but I do have a payment plan set up. It's been hard adjusting back to reality. I miss being in a safe environment knowing I can't do anything dangerous

Oh, gosh…
I am so sorry he did that to you!! And will be reading about it soon
I love learning
But… how have you been since that? :((

It must heart. I deal with codependency quite often and literally feel terrified if I'm by myself sometimes but I can do things by my own, and sadly have felt with people assuming that I can't think for myself and other things and have been misdiagnosed because I struggle with understanding context a little because of my rough upbringing. It just fucking sucks…

I see more of my ADHD/ADD symptoms from what I was given and they ignored I had PTSD and said I just struggle with depression when I am depressed but I deal with it differently and just get numb yet I always act all happy anyways because i am just that way I was robbed of friends and dependended on people to be my friends… I have matured from there but it still makes me afraid and I embarrassed myself one time when I had to get my wisdom teeth removed dealing with an insurance I'm trapped in and was hard to receive dental treatment even after sharing how I never went to the dentist for two years…

Made me so psychologically terrified and scared for my life. :((

I knew these adults were bad when I moved in into a homeless shelter when I first left my parents but I still needed them because I'd be used either way and they did in fact used me, shared lies and rumors about me, and I never had anyone to support me. I think I had mother issues too with needing a mother figure but the daddy issues came in when I was trying to find love …

I'd love to be friends and it's okay if you see me as that :'))

I deal with codependency but am currently back in my comfort space, but I will change myself sometimes to fit in, but have been more distant and self isolating as this is the responsibility of what was caused to me

And it definitely does…

Hope you get through the bills, and gosh… that idiot needs to be sent the bill, not you, or the stupid insurance who out you through that too, if they didn't actually support you medically, realistically.

I'm so sorry you went through so much coming here too

And yes, progress!!

Hehe take your time and I hope to see you in a few days when PMs are open

It comes in about the next day I think or three?

My memory.

Hope you're okay

Take it one at a time from this evil world that wants to kill us off in such an evil manner

Oh, gosh, I truly wish to support you :((

Hate this world.

When I get enough money (and I'll see if I have what I can), I will support you one at a time if I could

 

[futurecorpse]

Oh, gosh…
I am so sorry he did that to you!! And will be reading about it soon
I love learning
But… how have you been since that? :((

It must heart. I deal with codependency quite often and literally feel terrified if I'm by myself sometimes but I can do things by my own, and sadly have felt with people assuming that I can't think for myself and other things and have been misdiagnosed because I struggle with understanding context a little because of my rough upbringing. It just fucking sucks…

I see more of my ADHD/ADD symptoms from what I was given and they ignored I had PTSD and said I just struggle with depression when I am depressed but I deal with it differently and just get numb yet I always act all happy anyways because i am just that way I was robbed of friends and dependended on people to be my friends… I have matured from there but it still makes me afraid and I embarrassed myself one time when I had to get my wisdom teeth removed dealing with an insurance I'm trapped in and was hard to receive dental treatment even after sharing how I never went to the dentist for two years…

Made me so psychologically terrified and scared for my life. :((

I knew these adults were bad when I moved in into a homeless shelter when I first left my parents but I still needed them because I'd be used either way and they did in fact used me, shared lies and rumors about me, and I never had anyone to support me. I think I had mother issues too with needing a mother figure but the daddy issues came in when I was trying to find love …

I'd love to be friends and it's okay if you see me as that :'))

I deal with codependency but am currently back in my comfort space, but I will change myself sometimes to fit in, but have been more distant and self isolating as this is the responsibility of what was caused to me

And it definitely does…

Hope you get through the bills, and gosh… that idiot needs to be sent the bill, not you, or the stupid insurance who out you through that too, if they didn't actually support you medically, realistically.

I'm so sorry you went through so much coming here too

And yes, progress!!

Hehe take your time and I hope to see you in a few days when PMs are open

It comes in about the next day I think or three?

My memory.

Hope you're okay

Take it one at a time from this evil world that wants to kill us off in such an evil manner

Oh, gosh, I truly wish to support you :((

Hate this world.

When I get enough money (and I'll see if I have what I can), I will support you one at a time if I could

His words and actions, and lack of both influenced my decision to try to ctb, but rationally it was all my doing. I also blame myself because I allowed myself to be treated like crap and didn't run away as soon as the first few red flags popped up. He has his own problems but I don't think he'll seek professional help. Despite all this, I still want to talk to him and see him. Overall I've been struggling.. The company I worked for was another reason why I tried to ctb because the favoritism was incredibly disheartening and infuriating. I'm relieved I don't have to go back to that toxic environment, but it sucks things ended the way they did. It just reinforces the idea that people will always reject me and abandon me, and will discard me without a second thought.

I totally get that! I'm also codependent and it's ROUGH. I can be alone in certain situations but I still need help with making decisions. Doing things by yourself even though you're scared is a big accomplishment and I think that's something to be proud of! It's not easy and perhaps with more practice you'll feel more confident in yourself. Easier said than done but I imagine it's possible.

That's terrible your PTSD was ignored; I'm sorry that happened to you. :( I believe you and like I said before it very much IS a real issue! You deserve to be heard and cared for. I know it's exhausting to wear a mask to conceal your depression and I hope you're doing things to take care of yourself. Going to the dentist is a very valid fear and I'm proud of you for going. It means you're taking care of yourself which I see as a form of independency. Do you see a therapist to help with the trauma from the dentist and the other things you've experienced ?

The importance of having a great mother and father can't be stressed enough! I didn't have either so I know what it's like to seek a mom and dad figure even if they're bad for you. It's why I'm attracted to toxic and unavailable men.

I understand what you mean. It's very comforting being in that safe space away from people potentially hurting you. I isolate a lot because people are my biggest trigger. At the same time I want to connect with others because it's hard being completely alone. Isn't it ironic? But I would like to be friends too and will try to post more so that I can send/receive PMs :)

I wish I could have my hospital bill magically disappear, but only in my dreams. :( I'm not incredibly depressed like I was before being hospitalized, but the depression and hopelessness is there. In the meantime I'm researching what else I can do for a career and looking at job posts. I really don't want to though. I'm hanging in there, but I'm so tired and want to give up. I know I'm contradicting myself but it's because I'm ambivalent.

 

[maniac116]

Thank you for your kind words! I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts/attempts for the past 11 years, but lately it's been getting worse. I found Sasu on another website describing how someone died by SN. Weird how it worked out like that :0 Thank you for the heads up as well, I appreciate it. Do you know how many posts I have to make before I can have access to PMs?

The mods won't say how many posts we have to make. If you just get busy on the forum posting it won't be very long before PMs are unlocked.
Sorry but that's all I know.
It took me a couple weeks to get unlocked I think

 

[soonnotkoei]

Hi all. First, I want to thank the SS team for accepting me. I joined this site to talk with others who may have the same or similar mindset as me. I also wanted to see if there are others who have similar struggles. I've been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, MDD, and GAD. I don't have a ton of support, so I've been feeling incredibly alone and the depression has been creeping back up.
I was recently in the psych ward for a suicide attempt and I knew my problems would still be there once I was discharged. A lot of it is interpersonal issues and yes, I know I can only change how I respond to them. But I'm so tired, physically and mentally, and I just want to fall into an eternal sleep. I truly don't think things will get better. On top of this, I recently lost my job due to abandonment (even though I was in the hospital), so I really feel like I have nothing left. I'm not sure why I'm here, and I'm devastated my attempt didn't work. I put every negative thought and feeling into my plan, only to have it miserably backfire. It took 11 months to build up the confidence to do it. It seems like this year will be about rejection and abandonment, so I don't want to take any chances and prolong my suffering. If you read all this, thank you. I hope to at least be able to connect with you guys. x

hi and welcome.
sorry about the stuff you went through, it's a rough world.
anyways, if you have anything to talk about or any questions or just want someone that will listen, my DMs are always open.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to fall asleep permanently, eternal sleep truly is all I hope for, I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

His words and actions, and lack of both influenced my decision to try to ctb, but rationally it was all my doing. I also blame myself because I allowed myself to be treated like crap and didn't run away as soon as the first few red flags popped up. He has his own problems but I don't think he'll seek professional help. Despite all this, I still want to talk to him and see him. Overall I've been struggling.. The company I worked for was another reason why I tried to ctb because the favoritism was incredibly disheartening and infuriating. I'm relieved I don't have to go back to that toxic environment, but it sucks things ended the way they did. It just reinforces the idea that people will always reject me and abandon me, and will discard me without a second thought.

I totally get that! I'm also codependent and it's ROUGH. I can be alone in certain situations but I still need help with making decisions. Doing things by yourself even though you're scared is a big accomplishment and I think that's something to be proud of! It's not easy and perhaps with more practice you'll feel more confident in yourself. Easier said than done but I imagine it's possible.

That's terrible your PTSD was ignored; I'm sorry that happened to you. :( I believe you and like I said before it very much IS a real issue! You deserve to be heard and cared for. I know it's exhausting to wear a mask to conceal your depression and I hope you're doing things to take care of yourself. Going to the dentist is a very valid fear and I'm proud of you for going. It means you're taking care of yourself which I see as a form of independency. Do you see a therapist to help with the trauma from the dentist and the other things you've experienced ?

The importance of having a great mother and father can't be stressed enough! I didn't have either so I know what it's like to seek a mom and dad figure even if they're bad for you. It's why I'm attracted to toxic and unavailable men.

I understand what you mean. It's very comforting being in that safe space away from people potentially hurting you. I isolate a lot because people are my biggest trigger. At the same time I want to connect with others because it's hard being completely alone. Isn't it ironic? But I would like to be friends too and will try to post more so that I can send/receive PMs :)

I wish I could have my hospital bill magically disappear, but only in my dreams. :( I'm not incredibly depressed like I was before being hospitalized, but the depression and hopelessness is there. In the meantime I'm researching what else I can do for a career and looking at job posts. I really don't want to though. I'm hanging in there, but I'm so tired and want to give up. I know I'm contradicting myself but it's because I'm ambivalent.

Don't fret!

It's not your fault.

I truly wish men in this world weren't... these types. I didn't know it was a relationship. I assumed it was just any friend. How are you holding up?

And trust me... I been through my rough breakups (2 FWBs, 4 guy friends, one intimate FWB prior from what I experienced, and one boyfriend)... It's sooo hard (':
I felt so burdened by everything and felt even driven to tell him I wanted to die while we were in the middle of sexting... I just hated myself and my body and my issues and I truly wished men understood it more >_<, and exactly... most men have their own issues like ours, and they barely can understand it, and why I truly wish we could just support them if they ever needed it... I truly wish there were someway to know all of this would happen to us, and there, there, girl. Cry all you need.

Thank you by the way ((':

About my codependency I mean... Thank you.

And I am working through it... I just want to focus on ctbing...
Also, same here, but it's more so the boredom with how bad this world is...!! And don't worry >_<
I will be here :D

It is hard, but it's okay... I'll just worry about ctbing, and also, I made a group <:
Those who shall be with me to guide me through the process... tomorrow I'm gonna make sure to remind myself to get a tight sealed black glass jar if it exists, and if not, just get a glass jar and get hide it in something cool ((':

I didn't have a great experience with the dentist... Y^Y
Oh gosh, why haven't we met until now >_<
We're so broken and so lost

Oh gosh, my very serious FWB was someone I was attracted to because he gave me attention but I was always interested in just having attention by a guy who will wield that for me (':, even the toxic stupid ones that I was aware of :<<

Hwhehe, I do, and it is, and why no one gets me wishing to be alone fully I was blocked before coming on SaSu and why I jus had to come to SaSu... I delt with that... I needed closure and company and was loosing everyone and my ctbing friends were so distant Y^Y

Best choice ever made!! You'll love it, sister <:

Ah, call me Livia, if I shared that already >_<

Ah, you will enjoy it and same here, one more day and it shall be made active :D:D :>

:<<

Take it slowly at a time... pay little at a time, not all of it, as we all know this world is trash and don't care about us, and as long as your paying something, they cant take it away, right? Y^Y

 

[futurecorpse]

Don't fret!

It's not your fault.

I truly wish men in this world weren't... these types. I didn't know it was a relationship. I assumed it was just any friend. How are you holding up?

And trust me... I been through my rough breakups (2 FWBs, 4 guy friends, one intimate FWB prior from what I experienced, and one boyfriend)... It's sooo hard (':
I felt so burdened by everything and felt even driven to tell him I wanted to die while we were in the middle of sexting... I just hated myself and my body and my issues and I truly wished men understood it more >_<, and exactly... most men have their own issues like ours, and they barely can understand it, and why I truly wish we could just support them if they ever needed it... I truly wish there were someway to know all of this would happen to us, and there, there, girl. Cry all you need.

Thank you by the way ((':

About my codependency I mean... Thank you.

And I am working through it... I just want to focus on ctbing...
Also, same here, but it's more so the boredom with how bad this world is...!! And don't worry >_<
I will be here :D

It is hard, but it's okay... I'll just worry about ctbing, and also, I made a group <:
Those who shall be with me to guide me through the process... tomorrow I'm gonna make sure to remind myself to get a tight sealed black glass jar if it exists, and if not, just get a glass jar and get hide it in something cool ((':

I didn't have a great experience with the dentist... Y^Y
Oh gosh, why haven't we met until now >_<
We're so broken and so lost

Oh gosh, my very serious FWB was someone I was attracted to because he gave me attention but I was always interested in just having attention by a guy who will wield that for me (':, even the toxic stupid ones that I was aware of :<<

Hwhehe, I do, and it is, and why no one gets me wishing to be alone fully I was blocked before coming on SaSu and why I jus had to come to SaSu... I delt with that... I needed closure and company and was loosing everyone and my ctbing friends were so distant Y^Y

Best choice ever made!! You'll love it, sister <:

Ah, call me Livia, if I shared that already >_<

Ah, you will enjoy it and same here, one more day and it shall be made active :D:D :>

:<<

Take it slowly at a time... pay little at a time, not all of it, as we all know this world is trash and don't care about us, and as long as your paying something, they cant take it away, right? Y^Y

The type of men (and women ofc) that string others along are the worst. The dating scene is an absolute cesspool so maybe I'm better off being alone :,) He and I weren't in a relationship but we "tried dating." I'm the only one who made any effort.. I still miss/want him but I think at this time the obsession isn't as intense as before. I think 4 or 5 people asked me if I told him I was in the hospital and I was like "?¿? Why would I tell him??" LOL
It's not like he would care anyway...
I imagine there are good men out there but they're either taken or too far away :,) I too have entertained toxic guys because I loved the attention, so you're definitely not alone.
I'm also focused on ctb as I feel there's not much left I can do :,/ I thought SN was still available on Amazon but nooo. So it's back to the drawing board! You can call me Nayeli :3

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

The type of men (and women ofc) that string others along are the worst. The dating scene is an absolute cesspool so maybe I'm better off being alone :,) He and I weren't in a relationship but we "tried dating." I'm the only one who made any effort.. I still miss/want him but I think at this time the obsession isn't as intense as before. I think 4 or 5 people asked me if I told him I was in the hospital and I was like "?¿? Why would I tell him??" LOL
It's not like he would care anyway...
I imagine there are good men out there but they're either taken or too far away :,) I too have entertained toxic guys because I loved the attention, so you're definitely not alone.
I'm also focused on ctb as I feel there's not much left I can do :,/ I thought SN was still available on Amazon but nooo. So it's back to the drawing board! You can call me Nayeli :3

I responded so late. Oh, gosh... I feel so tired and drained hehe.
I definitely agree to how most shouldn't have knowledge to dating if they can't find love. It's just so maddening how much goes into working your butt off to find structure in this fucked up world.
Same and wanted to for so long
Same as well... however, my ex was perhaps much better than the guys I've know ...
YAYYY!!!! emotional freedom :D
Safe to say, you're back!! Don't worry... it's okay to miss... It takes soooo long. Also, I see... Same here with my fWB. Thankfully, it ended as I left him when he wanted to bring someone else into the mix and I just didn't want that... It was disgusting to see he only saw me as a tool..., and I let him too :<<
Oh my gosh, those people were so rude asking you that. No true support whatsoever.
They are basically nonexistent, yeah :'))

(yay )

Oh no, they removed that a long time ago sadly... I didn't know nitrate isn't the same as nitrite... I'm an idiot a bit >!<
Ah, you can get more info soon
Again, welcome hehehe :DD
Can't wait to chat soon with you ^^
Hi, Nayeli ((:
:>

 

[futurecorpse]

I responded so late. Oh, gosh... I feel so tired and drained hehe.
I definitely agree to how most shouldn't have knowledge to dating if they can't find love. It's just so maddening how much goes into working your butt off to find structure in this fucked up world.
Same and wanted to for so long
Same as well... however, my ex was perhaps much better than the guys I've know ...
YAYYY!!!! emotional freedom :D
Safe to say, you're back!! Don't worry... it's okay to miss... It takes soooo long. Also, I see... Same here with my fWB. Thankfully, it ended as I left him when he wanted to bring someone else into the mix and I just didn't want that... It was disgusting to see he only saw me as a tool..., and I let him too :<<
Oh my gosh, those people were so rude asking you that. No true support whatsoever.
They are basically nonexistent, yeah :'))

(yay )

Oh no, they removed that a long time ago sadly... I didn't know nitrate isn't the same as nitrite... I'm an idiot a bit >!<
Ah, you can get more info soon
Again, welcome hehehe :DD
Can't wait to chat soon with you ^^
Hi, Nayeli ((:
:>

It's okay, I'm responding late too >w< Were you able to get any sleep?
Living is so expensive and you have to work your butt off to survive out here. There's no peace in this world..
For me, there's some comfort in being single because then I'm not spiraling and wondering if this person is doing something behind my back. Definitely emotional freedom to me :D
I've been wasting my energy on my current fp for nearly two years but tbh no one else seems interesting or has made a real effort to get to know me on a deeper level ://
Your fwb wanting to involve someone else is a major ick and I'm glad you ended things with him. I know it's easy to blame yourself for allowing them to treat you like garbage but you deserve more than that
I was wondering why people were asking me if I told him I was in the hospital lolol. I added him on FB but he hasn't responded to my request :(( I would shatter into a million pieces if I saw the number of his friends went up because then I'd know for sure he's ignoring me
I'm no chemist but I had a feeling nitrite and nitrate were not the same thing the after reading about them There's a specific SN product on Amazon but you need a business account in order to purchase it T_T It's so unfair.
I look forward to talking to you too Livia :3

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

It's okay, I'm responding late too >w< Were you able to get any sleep?
Living is so expensive and you have to work your butt off to survive out here. There's no peace in this world..
For me, there's some comfort in being single because then I'm not spiraling and wondering if this person is doing something behind my back. Definitely emotional freedom to me :D
I've been wasting my energy on my current fp for nearly two years but tbh no one else seems interesting or has made a real effort to get to know me on a deeper level ://
Your fwb wanting to involve someone else is a major ick and I'm glad you ended things with him. I know it's easy to blame yourself for allowing them to treat you like garbage but you deserve more than that
I was wondering why people were asking me if I told him I was in the hospital lolol. I added him on FB but he hasn't responded to my request :(( I would shatter into a million pieces if I saw the number of his friends went up because then I'd know for sure he's ignoring me
I'm no chemist but I had a feeling nitrite and nitrate were not the same thing the after reading about them There's a specific SN product on Amazon but you need a business account in order to purchase it T_T It's so unfair.
I look forward to talking to you too Livia :3

Good morning, Nayeli!!
Only a little sleep. Hehe. Wished to share it's not looking quite good for me, as I am so tired yet I choose to reply, especially as my monophobia will get worse if I don't get my SN as I get like I was being forced to be alive so, so badly… it was so scary
And definitely agree
I have no idea why people say so much life is so damn precious, when that shit is so damns stressful…
And don't apologize hehe
Hehehe for me being single is worth it as this world gives so much stress and I'll know that my actions alone is great and could care less if he is a cheat, as I will sadly be all too aware anyways from his actions and what he tells me (it usually gives it away that he is a toad and a snail)
I'm so sorry by the aah that happened
I swear men are so trash… it happens with women too in relationships or friendships… they're just as worse and wonder why these loser men choose such piggish women… They act like frogs even if they look they swans. This world is so damn unfair and has no right to exist and give ugly people better lives than us real swans who suffer in the midst of everything omg
And thank you…
I equally blame myself too on perhaps like knowing how'd it go but im, um, interested in d too much and men's bodies so yeah :> , he looked like a guy but he was a child or a frog though…
Awe I'm so sorry, girl
And don't feel discouraged… it's so hard to get away from snakes as a young woman especially when you know YOU yourself mean well to try and be strong for you when no one dares bother ((':
It's emotionally hard and we are truer warriors and princesses besides those who exist in this cruel evil world of chaos and doom…
And oh gosh…
Please come here and talk :')) 吃安欸他
I'm so glad I didn't embarrass myself by chasing after the guys I was around until it ended as it just made things more emotionally harder for me
Please do yourself a favor and come here more :')) 從一个经历过的女孩 , 噢噁這些麼《 説欸昂你案你的青蛙名字》：快呵快纳耶利
千ㄞ卡 要看空要看電影
Guys and their ability to play ghost is so surprising only when it benefits them yet they can't actually do a proper respond.
Also, did you know men's voice when it's quite deep shows their true maturing in a way and balanced out well? See Japanese men speak and Chinese men
And oh gosh…
I didn't know that xD
So glad @nomoredolor told me. Ah, you will love her, but she's not online as much. I came late but something happened but she told me the mistake I assumed both were the same after I had made an error of sorts from writing them out…
I get so lost in thought a lot and I'm in constant confusion and worried for myself
And it definitely is… it's hell :'))

 

[banger12]

Hi all. First, I want to thank the SS team for accepting me. I joined this site to talk with others who may have the same or similar mindset as me. I also wanted to see if there are others who have similar struggles. I've been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, MDD, and GAD. I don't have a ton of support, so I've been feeling incredibly alone and the depression has been creeping back up.
I was recently in the psych ward for a suicide attempt and I knew my problems would still be there once I was discharged. A lot of it is interpersonal issues and yes, I know I can only change how I respond to them. But I'm so tired, physically and mentally, and I just want to fall into an eternal sleep. I truly don't think things will get better. On top of this, I recently lost my job due to abandonment (even though I was in the hospital), so I really feel like I have nothing left. I'm not sure why I'm here, and I'm devastated my attempt didn't work. I put every negative thought and feeling into my plan, only to have it miserably backfire. It took 11 months to build up the confidence to do it. It seems like this year will be about rejection and abandonment, so I don't want to take any chances and prolong my suffering. If you read all this, thank you. I hope to at least be able to connect with you guys. x

Welcome to SaSu. That sounds like a pretty horrible run and I'm so sorry you're in such a rough spot. But SaSu is a very supportive community, so hopefully it helps to have a place like this to turn to. It really helps having people who get it sometimes and a place where you don't have to fear being punished for opening up candidly

 

[futurecorpse]

Only a little sleep. Hehe. Wished to share it's not looking quite good for me, as I am so tired yet I choose to reply, especially as my monophobia will get worse if I don't get my SN as I get like I was being forced to be alive so, so badly… it was so scary

Good afternoon Livia! (At least where I am it's the afternoon lol) I'm sorry to hear you're not doing well :( hope you're able to get plenty of rest soon. I understand what you mean, feeling like you're forced to be alive. I hope you're doing at least a little better today!

I have no idea why people say so much life is so damn precious, when that shit is so damns stressful…

I know!! It makes me so annoyed when people say that! Life may be precious for them but it's not for those who are struggling and suffering..

I swear men are so trash… it happens with women too in relationships or friendships… they're just as worse and wonder why these loser men choose such piggish women… They act like frogs even if they look they swans. This world is so damn unfair and has no right to exist and give ugly people better lives than us real swans who suffer in the midst of everything omg

It's peaceful being single but I think to an extent. It's intimidating to put myself out there because you never really know what you're going to get. And I agree, there are people who are ugly on the inside yet they have everything, or at least they seem like they do. It doesn't make sense that those who have honestly good hearts get treated like crap and get the short end of the stick in life. I'm glad you were able to get away from toxic men as they really don't deserve you!

And don't feel discouraged… it's so hard to get away from snakes as a young woman especially when you know YOU yourself mean well to try and be strong for you when no one dares bother ((':
It's emotionally hard and we are truer warriors and princesses besides those who exist in this cruel evil world of chaos and doom…

Exactly! Honestly, I'm not sure why I keep trying anymore since nothing ever turns out right for me. Everyone else sucks. And I agree, we're real people!

Guys and their ability to play ghost is so surprising only when it benefits them yet they can't actually do a proper respond.

So true! Common courtesy and basic respect is nonexistent nowadays. I hate being in this world where cruel people like that exist

I'll try to be more active today and figure out what else I can post I've been commenting a decent amount on other's posts, but I'm guessing that's not the way to get access to PMs :s

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Good afternoon Livia! (At least where I am it's the afternoon lol) I'm sorry to hear you're not doing well :( hope you're able to get plenty of rest soon. I understand what you mean, feeling like you're forced to be alive. I hope you're doing at least a little better today!

I know!! It makes me so annoyed when people say that! Life may be precious for them but it's not for those who are struggling and suffering..

It's peaceful being single but I think to an extent. It's intimidating to put myself out there because you never really know what you're going to get. And I agree, there are people who are ugly on the inside yet they have everything, or at least they seem like they do. It doesn't make sense that those who have honestly good hearts get treated like crap and get the short end of the stick in life. I'm glad you were able to get away from toxic men as they really don't deserve you!

Exactly! Honestly, I'm not sure why I keep trying anymore since nothing ever turns out right for me. Everyone else sucks. And I agree, we're real people!

So true! Common courtesy and basic respect is nonexistent nowadays. I hate being in this world where cruel people like that exist

I'll try to be more active today and figure out what else I can post I've been commenting a decent amount on other's posts, but I'm guessing that's not the way to get access to PMs :s

Perhaps a 24H? I literally forget so badly hehe.

Also, you did it!! You figured out how the quotes work xD

It took me about four days until I got it

And please take your time hehehe

If I am not responding with quotes in an organized way, it's because I'm trying to get through my battery going down hehe and will be on my laptop watching movies and responding on Discord soon

Also, take you're time and I am here :D

I wish to share I won't be responding to the rest at the moment because (we have discussed so much personal matters hehe), but want for us to definitely talk more when we start messaging soon and take your time

But definitely, it sucks so hard that good souls have to endure so much and why we're all basically here… because we hadn't had genuine people and children were genuine, right? Many may not be as sweet long when they come into their personalities, but it definitely does hurt to be seen as a monster from a young age when you are the genuine you are without understanding the truth…

It's so… evil.

We shall talk soon, but look forward to seeing you more and hope you get this

And I slept well only 8 hours but will go back to sleep soon, and it was so scary having paranoia last night because of emotional distress that never leaves you

I hate (evil scumming trashy or rich) men so damn much for giving majority of the world trauma like this…, even when we expect the dating scene to be even better…

It's fucking worse!!

And liars I say!! All of them for thinking they can self insert themselves and make us be gaslighted and manipulated because they don't want bad and sad things to exist, yet when they see it.. instead of ending our misery, they do much evil and make things much harder for us, especially when we just want peace.

That shouldn't be hard to understand or to believe, yet this world is truly what true hell is if it existed…

It's so hard to believe but I truly wonder why people believe god exists sometimes …

I hope you're all okay and doing great after yesterday, and happy officially 1 day old and 14 or something hours later :>

 

[futurecorpse]

Also, you did it!! You figured out how the quotes work xD

It took me a bit of time but eventually I got it!

If I am not responding with quotes in an organized way, it's because I'm trying to get through my battery going down hehe and will be on my laptop watching movies and responding on Discord soon

I'm using my phone even though a laptop would be more convenient lol. I don't want to get any viruses or something, so I'm trying to navigate this SaSu with a small screen You don't have to apologize :3

I wish to share I won't be responding to the rest at the moment because (we have discussed so much personal matters hehe), but want for us to definitely talk more when we start messaging soon and take your time

No worries, thank you for the heads up! And of course me too :)

But definitely, it sucks so hard that good souls have to endure so much and why we're all basically here… because we hadn't had genuine people and children were genuine, right? Many may not be as sweet long when they come into their personalities, but it definitely does hurt to be seen as a monster from a young age when you are the genuine you are without understanding the truth…

Exactly! Why do we have to endure so much and for what? If things had been different starting from our childhood, would we be different today? People are so quick to judge and discard and it's so hurtful That's one of the reason why I would rather be alone if not dead

And I slept well only 8 hours but will go back to sleep soon, and it was so scary having paranoia last night because of emotional distress that never leaves you

8 hours is good! I need like 10 hours to function I hope you are able to sleep well despite having paranoia. I get it, emotional distress leaves a big impact on you :( We don't deserve that but the world keeps saying FU to people like us

I hate (evil scumming trashy or rich) men so damn much for giving majority of the world trauma like this…, even when we expect the dating scene to be even better…

Me too! If only they could go live in an isolated, uninhabited part of the world! Why are we the ones to suffer?? I just don't understand..

And liars I say!! All of them for thinking they can self insert themselves and make us be gaslighted and manipulated because they don't want bad and sad things to exist, yet when they see it.. instead of ending our misery, they do much evil and make things much harder for us, especially when we just want peace.

That shouldn't be hard to understand or to believe, yet this world is truly what true hell is if it existed…

It's so hard to believe but I truly wonder why people believe god exists sometimes …

So true! There are sick and twisted people out there.. it's so depressing. Living in this world is a nightmare yet it seems hard to ctb? At least I think so. Experiencing so much pain and trauma is why I don't believe in a higher power. My prayers were never answered and so I dropped my faith. My aunt tells me to trust in god but like??? Ummm NO. I've already tried that and NOTHING happened.

We shall talk soon, but look forward to seeing you more and hope you get this

Today I'm doing okay. The sun is shining and it's a little warmer today Still feel sad about my fp and current job (or lack there of) situation. But I shall see you around and will talk to you soon

 

[human909]

Welcome to the site, I find this site very useful and i hope that you find it useful for you too. Also everyone is super friendly.