b1ackstar
manifesting my downfall :D
- Sep 16, 2023
- 25
i've just realised how many posts i've made on here in such little time :0 so i might aswell make an introduction lol
i'm 20 and a girl :) i'm working part time and live in a house with my friends for now
i have anxiety, an eating disorder (anorexia) both since i was just turned 13. i'm in the process of a bipolar diagnosis alongside an adhd one. i get really obsessive over people and ruin like every relationship ever which makes me depressed. the eating is bad too cus i literally eat like three slices of bread a day when i'm bad, and a shit ton when i'm good and then feel gross about it for weeks. alongside this i never had many friends as a kid cus i hardly spoke (anxiety is a bitch) and also i was fuck ugly. anyways, got braces, learnt makeup, actually ate more, got pretty.
now i go out on a weekly basis, get blackout drunk, have a drug problem, hate myself, cut myself anytime i'm sober, got (not super badly but badly enough that it affected me) SA'd by a KNOWN abuser in our former friend group, nobody believed me, he spread lies about me aswell as saying that i did shit to a guy in the group who i liked for a couple months (very different situation as the guy gave mixed signals and was chill with me when i'd ask consent to lean on him, kissed his cheek once, shared a bed but never did anything). anyway, nobody believes me cus i'm just the 'druggie slut' and now here i am. yet when he literally abuses and sexually assaults people he gets off easy.
that's essentially everything that makes me wanna die for now. along with like failed relationships but who cares ab that
besides all this, i like music (playing and listening to), writing, MOVIES !!!!!! reading, bartending, parties and clubs, doing my makeup, my pet cats, and going for walks :) most ppl who first meet me would never think i'd be on a suicide forum but here we are
my family is amazing and loving and kind, my friends who stuck with me are aswell. i just know i'm gonna fuck up tho, so that's why i wanna leave now. the stress ive caused already is so unfair and i'm basically a massive burden
sorry for the long aaa post, hoping to ctb by like next friday. gotta do some stuff first tho
i'm 20 and a girl :) i'm working part time and live in a house with my friends for now
i have anxiety, an eating disorder (anorexia) both since i was just turned 13. i'm in the process of a bipolar diagnosis alongside an adhd one. i get really obsessive over people and ruin like every relationship ever which makes me depressed. the eating is bad too cus i literally eat like three slices of bread a day when i'm bad, and a shit ton when i'm good and then feel gross about it for weeks. alongside this i never had many friends as a kid cus i hardly spoke (anxiety is a bitch) and also i was fuck ugly. anyways, got braces, learnt makeup, actually ate more, got pretty.
now i go out on a weekly basis, get blackout drunk, have a drug problem, hate myself, cut myself anytime i'm sober, got (not super badly but badly enough that it affected me) SA'd by a KNOWN abuser in our former friend group, nobody believed me, he spread lies about me aswell as saying that i did shit to a guy in the group who i liked for a couple months (very different situation as the guy gave mixed signals and was chill with me when i'd ask consent to lean on him, kissed his cheek once, shared a bed but never did anything). anyway, nobody believes me cus i'm just the 'druggie slut' and now here i am. yet when he literally abuses and sexually assaults people he gets off easy.
that's essentially everything that makes me wanna die for now. along with like failed relationships but who cares ab that
besides all this, i like music (playing and listening to), writing, MOVIES !!!!!! reading, bartending, parties and clubs, doing my makeup, my pet cats, and going for walks :) most ppl who first meet me would never think i'd be on a suicide forum but here we are
my family is amazing and loving and kind, my friends who stuck with me are aswell. i just know i'm gonna fuck up tho, so that's why i wanna leave now. the stress ive caused already is so unfair and i'm basically a massive burden
sorry for the long aaa post, hoping to ctb by like next friday. gotta do some stuff first tho
