Introduction and questions about SN and chloroform

[gtr44]

Hello everyone from all around the world.

First post here. I'm glad I discovered this place where you can freely talk about suicide without judgment, and censorship - yes I know that it's why we're here so it's kind of redundant but still, I think it greatly helps to make decisions with greater peace of mind - no matter what choice we decide to make.
I won't write the story of my life since we all have our own and I think that the intensity of suffering is not measured by the experiences one has gone through, but by the emotions one has felt.
Anyway,
Having considered the suicide since a lot of years and "prepared my brain for it" (breaking down mental barriers: guilt, fear of nothingness, fear of what others might say...) things started to be more specific and finally led me here.
Since sincide ideas are living in my mind since a few years, I need to be absolutly sure that it's the "way to go", and so I have to see this idea through to the end to find out if, at the last second, this is the decision I need to take —or if, on the contrary, my survival instinct will hold me back and allow me to banish this idea - maybe forever. But I have to go check it out for myself because I don't want to live any longer with this idea gnawing at me deep inside, which is probably affecting my daily life and the way I act.

I have a few questions that I would like to ask if you don't mind.

1. To my suprise, It was pretty easy to get SN, would you mind checking the picture I attached to confirm if I'm not mistaken ? I'm pretty sure it's OK but you know - don't want to mess up with that. I'm considering the purity check (according to the great guide that I read on SS) ?
2. I understand that drinking SN could possibly lead to a nearly immediate vomit because of the taste, I would like to know if taking a lollipop or a candy right after that can be/has been considered ? (would take antiemetics as well - did carefully read the SS and PPEH guides)
3. Since I may not have a super precise scale to prepare the mix (planning to do that in the mountains - as suggested by my PP), is it a concern since I would use an approximation of the 25mg/50ml ratio ?
4. My initial idea was to put my head in a sealed plastic bag also containing a cotton soaked with choloroform. The goal was to fall asleep after a few minutes (and be kept asleep since the choroform vapors can't escape) and eventually die from CO2. I did not find anything about that method and would like to ask you if you ever heard about such a protocol ?

Thank you very much for your time and wish everybody to find peace - no matter how you decide to reach it.

 

[gtr44]

...and as for benzodiazepines, I only have (9 x 0.25 mg) - Alprazolam,
but... also have some phenothiazines (26 x 25 mg) - Tercian
Is the Tercian something that can be used as well for a SN protocol (to reduce anxiety and facilitate unconsciousness) ? I did not find any clear evidence of that (and tbh, I still don't find the "search" feature on the forum)

 

[Chabrychek]

I have seen in some threads that people were using lollipops, and I personally plan to add them to my protocol, just for my own mental comfort

 

[gtr44]

Here's my protocol.

Information : I'm very "responsive" to medication since I always avoided medication through my whole life (I'm 43). I used to take antidepressant + anxiolytics when I was ~20y but since then, I never took any medication (even for headache, etc...) so when I was given some Tercian (Wikipedia) a few months ago, I tried it and it was super effective : 25mg -> was sleeping 1 hour later.

According to the PPEH, which advocates the use of Benzos, and considering that I do not have access to a huge amount of them I will combine Tercian (to induce sleep) + Alprazolam (Wikipedia) (to reduce anxiety)

I was able to get a lot of 98% NaNo2 (SN) from Poland. It was pretty easy... to my surprise ! Also got Chloroform from them but won't use it - I had another idea but will rely on the PPEH book instead of trying something I'm not sure about the result.

Also got some Domperidone (Wikipedia) from an online pharmacy. Was pretty easy. I ingested 2x10mg today : No side-effect at all.

H00-00 : Fasting (water + meal)
H00-00 : Take my van and reach a peaceful spot (I'm in the French Alps, I have some ideas)
H08-00 : Take 1 g of Paracetamol
H08-00 : Also take 4 x 25mg of Tercian
H08-15 : Take 3 x 10mg of Domperidone
H08-30 : Take 5 x 0.25mg of Alprazolam + Prepare 3 SN drinks (20 g in 50 ml of water)
H09-00 : Relax, put my headphones
H09-00 : Take the SN and be ready for the next round in case I throw up

Considering the sedative effect the Tercian induces on me, I should be soooo tired at H09-00 that I hope I'll be unconscious pretty quickly - at least I hope. I'm just worried to vomit while sleeping during the first minutes, so I'll try to be conscious for at least 5 minutes. Tercian is very effective at inducing sleep but according to my tests, I can resist for a few minutes. At least I know when its sedative effect raises.

My greatest fear is to feel asphyxied/suffocated. I know that one of the side-effects is short breath but I'm not sure (and did not find any record about that) of suffocating (like drowning). Maybe someone has looked into the matter more deeply ?

I wrote a letter, wrote a list of people to contact (A lot of people in my circle don't know each other), information about my bank accounts and insurance, login+password of my NAS, and what to do with all of the stuff I still have. I know it's gonna be painful for a lot of people that do know me, but I just can't stay alive for that reason. It's my decision, my choice, and I think my letter is really clear about that. I don't feel sick, I just feel that I reached the peek of what I wanted to live in my life, and that's enough.
Not decided about the date, still dealing with my mental barriers, I'm waiting for the right moment (in the coming weeks, most likely) that will make me realize it's really time to CTB.

 

[Forveleth]

4. My initial idea was to put my head in a sealed plastic bag also containing a cotton soaked with choloroform. The goal was to fall asleep after a few minutes (and be kept asleep since the choroform vapors can't escape) and eventually die from CO2. I did not find anything about that method and would like to ask you if you ever heard about such a protocol ?

I researched chloroform and found a few published case reports of people who supposedly died this way. So it is possible. I do not know how effective it is, however.

 

[gtr44]

I researched chloroform and found a few published case reports of people who supposedly died this way. So it is possible. I do not know how effective it is, however.

Thank you for your answer ; I agree, that's exactly the point - we're not sure - and I don't want to mess up with a method that is based on guesses, suppositions, approximations. The more I read here, the more I think that following a "reliable" protocol is the best solution.