Discussion Introduction and How Did You Tell Loved Ones?

[once_you're_gone]

For those of you who have friends and family that you're afraid to leave behind, yet are already set on dying, how do you want to say goodbye to them?

I have friends and family that, yes have caused me a lot of pain in the past, but who I know try to love me to the best of their ability. I don't judge them for how they've acted in the past or continue to act, because I know their lens through which they view the world is so different than mine. For clarification, almost my entire family is very conservative/Christian and I have struggled to believe in much of anything over the last several years. I used to love watching debates and learning philosophy and thinking about existential things, but now I'm just numb. I seem to have lost the point, somewhere along the journey, and I can't find it again, no matter how hard I try. God, I miss the days of ignorance and just going to church because my parents made me. If only I knew how I'd turn out...

Anyway, all that rambling is to say that, while my family is (obviously) at least partially responsible for me becoming the person I am today, I don't want to leave them without a word. I know I don't owe them anything, but I think it would take a bit of guilt off my shoulders when I take the sn. Maybe either way it's an act of selfishness, but I'm just curious what yall would do because I don't know how to go about it. I always put on a face for others, I highly doubt anyone that knows me would think me capable of suicide. My parents and siblings know I have self-harmed in the past, but I'm pretty sure that's it. And that makes it so hard to just break news like this to them.

Even if I just wanted help, I've been thinking about it and have no idea how I would tell them. Due to the self harm they have wanted to take me to a church counselor, but I've refused and brushed off the problem. I've told them I want see a professional in the past, but they have a negative opinion of antidepressants and mental diagnoses.

So asking anyone who's either gone to their parents for help or told their friends and family goodbye before attempting to ctb, how did you do it, and what advice would you have for someone in my position? I know I'm pretty unknown on here so I would be more than happy to answer more questions about myself and my past as well. To start off, I am a 20 year old college student, about to take finals (which I should be studying for right now, but can't find the motivation for the life of me) and go home to my parents for the winter break.

Thanks in advance

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Just objectively, if you say anything that could potentially freak them out, or spur them into action, you'll likely end up in a potentially worse situation for you IE in a psych ward etc. But I also don't want to discourage you from telling people! If it's what you feel you need to do, there may very well be a reason for that, it may be subconscious. Perhaps it's not time yet. The option to CTB is NOT going anywhere. Wishing you the best. Here if you'd like to chat <3

ETA: I noticed your use of the word help. Please talk to them, tell them what you're feeling, if you feel like you can. They may have caused pain in the past but maybe they can help you now, if you're fully honest. This isn't meant to discourage you if your mind IS made up, I trust people to know themselves. But I sense the tone in your post and I'm hoping you can reach out one more time.

 

[TheHolySword]

It depends on what you want out of it. If you want help then you have to be honest. You have to be transparent and open. You have to make sure they understand, that you're being heard. The idea of a goodbye is that it's final, but if you're using it to reach out to someone then you cannot afford to be vague. I don't mean to sway you one way or the other, your choice will always be yours. But if you are unsure, if you're looking for a way out that isn't CTBing, please know you can take that chance.

For me, my goodbyes will be subtle. Everything I need and want to say is going to be written in individual letters to be read after my passing. I do not want anyone to know what I am planning. But I will give everyone the best possible goodbye that I can. One last day that will seem completely ordinary but in the end will mean everything to them. If you do not want to say a real goodbye, I would recommend finding your words with a letter.

 

[J&L383]

Just objectively, if you say anything that could potentially freak them out, or spur them into action, you'll likely end up in a potentially worse situation for you IE in a psych ward etc. But I also don't want to discourage you from telling people! If it's what you feel you need to do, there may very well be a reason for that, it may be subconscious. Perhaps it's not time yet. The option to CTB is NOT going anywhere. Wishing you the best. Here if you'd like to chat <3

ETA: I noticed your use of the word help. Please talk to them, tell them what you're feeling, if you feel like you can. They may have caused pain in the past but maybe they can help you now, if you're fully honest. This isn't meant to discourage you if your mind IS made up, I trust people to know themselves. But I sense the tone in your post and I'm hoping you can reach out one more time.

I agree. Sounds like you are still open to help. You are young, and things can change. But understand if you have fully sorted through that. As for telling? No easy way! Especially absent any severe physical ailment. (Even for people who are "terminal" and want to die on their own terms, they get pushed back). It seems like there's no easy way to ease into it. You have to pull up that Band-Aid quickly. I will start with your most trusted person, who is least likely to try to get you committed. Wish you the best. (No one here will try to get you committed!)

 

[Death is my goal]

i managed to tell my parents by the help of my dear friend, sadly telling them didn't work out and never opening up again.

 

[once_you're_gone]

I appreciate the kind words, and I'll definitely give them some thought. My life is pretty good right now, seen from an outsider's POV, and I have a lot of people that would miss me. I know this sounds extremely harsh, but the problem is, I don't care. I envision the "best" possible objective life for myself, and I don't want it. As I said before, I'm just numb. I don't know what the point of life is, and I'm finding it harder and harder every day to live with the weight of knowing I will inevitably die. And I would rather it be on my own terms than wait for the slow decay and deterioration of my body to make living hellish than it already is. I'm almost excited to die. It's weird to write in words, but it's true. This won't be the first time I've attempted, either.

I suppose I'll see how long I can bear to live with this apathy, biding my time until total despair catches up to me again. Until then, I will continue to stay on this forum and interact with all the kind people here.

i managed to tell my parents by the help of my dear friend, sadly telling them didn't work out and never opening up again.

I'm sorry to hear that. I know what it's like to try to go to people you should be able to trust with extremely sensitive information, only to get stabbed in the back and left feeling shittier than before.