Introduce yourself

[Brick In The Wall]

Hey. I'm a 19 year old guy. Been dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was 10, but wasn't mentally ill until I became 15... typing it out makes me feel weak compared to everyone else here.

I've only seriously tried suicide once, before I turned 17, an overdose. I chickened out and ended up in the hospital for a week. At the end of my stay I was thankful for surviving, thinking things would get better. But they didn't.

Have mediocrely tried hanging myself a couple times since then, nothing too serious. But now that I've found this forum I'm willing to go through it, and long as I can find the courage.

A few days ago my now ex boyfriend broke up with me. I guess it's stupid to feel this bad over it, but he truly was the only light left for me as what I believe to be OCD becomes more and more crippling. My chances and hopes for a future have vanished once again.

Whatever... I like video games and horror. A little bit of anime too. Don't really have any hobbies, not anymore. All I know is I'll stay here until I get better, or die. I hope we can get along.

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you're having a rough time, hopefully you can recover but we got you either way. You'll get along fine here don't worry about it. Everyone is very kind, caring, and understanding.

Hello, I am a 28 year old male from South Africa

I have been depressed since I was 12 that being said my teenage years were hell for me. I also suffer from social anxiety going outside to meet new people is a struggle and with my financial situation right now I cannot afford to go for therapy. For 10 years now nothing seems to make me happy, I don't find anything amusing. I have had two suicide attempt which both failed as stopped myself in both occasions. I am in this forum to find courage.

I'd also like to welcome you here as well!

 

[x51391225x]

I just started replying on posts without seeing this haha.

I'm 29, female, US.
I live a very stereotypically perfect on paper suburban life. I have my dream job and everything else I could ever want. I have a house, two amazing kids, and a partner who is mostly amazing and loves them like his own but is incapable of emotionally supporting me.
I work in Human Services, as does my sister. My family are all mentally ill/neurodiverse in some way, very understanding, and we are very open.
I also have textbook rapid cycling Bipolar, an ED, generalized anxiety/panic disorder, and a whole slew of childhood trauma. I am regulated with meds and present very functionally. I am very self aware and emotionally intelligent.
I also have severe attachment/intimacy/abandonment issues which leads me to not be able to maintain healthy friendships or relationships. Every friendship or relationship I enter ends up toxic. I'm extremely empathetic, which leads to feeling used for that emotional labor very often.

I am the epitome of the person who seems like they have their shit completely together, but wants to CTB and no one who I tell gets why. I explained it on another thread as feeling like a prisoner of my own mind and it feels like the only way to truly be free. I've done so many horrible things, hurt so many people and been hurt so many times, and symptoms of mental illness are often the catalyst or cause. I can't imagine that this is "regulated" and I hate to think I would have to live the rest of my life like this. And I don't want to. The things that make me appealing to others are the things that destroy me.

I have had suicidal ideations since I was a child, but as I've gotten older, I just don't want to live like this with this much self hatred anymore, pretending like everything is great. I found this site by accident really, searching inconspicuous ways to do so. Thank you for having me!

 

[ItsAllTooLate]

I'm a 23 year old female from the US with several traumatic brain injuries and heaps of social anxiety. I've attempted suicide eight times. I'm here because I fucked up the best relationship I ever had and I don't see myself making wise judgments in the future - I have a history of inherently poor decision making due to my brain injuries. My interests include psychology, cats, video games, music, and hypnosis.

 

[alwayswannadiesometi]

hello
i'm 20
brazilian
i love bands
i love good omens
i'm non binary
and i don't know why i'm still alive

 

[lululoo]

Hello everybody,

i'm Dani from Switzerland

First of all a big thank you for being accepted into this family. Too bad I haven't found you before. Unfortunately my English is too bad, so I can only communicate with you via Google Translate. But that doesn't work too badly.

I'm not just here to find a suicide partner, but if it turns out that way, so much the better.

I am active in various German-language forums and try to support anyone planning and executing suicide who wants it.

It is inhumane how society deals with suicide that it is still a taboo subject.
Who gives them the right to forbid me to end my life myself. At a time chosen by me

Life that is completely meaningless and worthless.

Some information about me;
I am male, 52 years old and will kill myself in September 2020.

Unfortunately I have to wait a little longer because I want to keep a promise beforehand. Even though waiting is getting more and more difficult, I always stick to my vet.

I've been depressed for 37 years,
the past 25 years of which have been chronic.
Social phobia since childhood,
Socially isolated for 37 years,
was workaholic,
had 2 untreated burnout,
Complex PTSD
gay, coming out at the age of 30,
never had a relationship, never sex

Recently declined from normal status to welfare and emergency shelter.

In treatment for the first time
Medicines for the first time
(375mg venlafaxine).

Resigned and gave up, but now feel better than ever

I'm in treatment, therapist knows all my thoughts and plans.

If you feel better than ever, why do you still want to CTB? Just curious. Welcome.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I'm me ngl

 

[JD8080]

Hello all ,
I am new here. 38years old hate my life and been contemplating shock for years. Now is the time.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

If you feel better than ever, why do you still want to CTB? Just curious. Welcome.

I know it sounds strange.

But since I made the decision to go to the CTB, I know that any problems will soon be irrelevant.
I can hide past and future and only think in the now. Can just take every day as it is.

But I also know that that's only because I'm going to kill myself.

If I decided to go on living, all the pain would be back.

 

[justkindahere]

Hey, I actually signed up a few days ago and I've only now decided to get over myself and actually interact. I'm female, 21 years old, I've been dealing with depression/suicidal thoughts for a really long time, I've tried to overdose twice in the past (both failed obviously lol) and the only hobby I have is playing video games. Nice to meet u all o/

 

[Lorntroubles]

Hey, I actually signed up a few days ago and I've only now decided to get over myself and actually interact. I'm female, 21 years old, I've been dealing with depression/suicidal thoughts for a really long time, I've tried to overdose twice in the past (both failed obviously lol) and the only hobby I have is playing video games. Nice to meet u all o/

It can get pretty freeing interacting on here. :)

 

[Joey]

I'm Joe and I'm currently 26 years old. I won't reveal to much about me but I knew about SanctionedSuicide when it started out on Reddit and was a long time lurker. It's great to see many great like-minded individuals who discuss the importance on Suicide that not many in real life will talk about. I can't wait to meet some cool people here!

 

[cyan]

Intro here. I am a 59 year old female so probably one of the oldies on this forum. It's okay though; I'm used to not fitting in. I've tried so much throughout my life but nothing has stuck.

I was happiest when my son was little but now he's grown and creating his own life that does not include me. I'm also single again which sucks at this stage of the game. I have no real friends and I'm not sure why. I'm athletic, intelligent, have a great job, own my home, have a good sense of humor, not overweight..... but nobody wants to include me in their group, their lives, except old geezers with dentures, buck teeth and/or bad breath who want to get laid. No thanks.

I've decided on an adapted night-night method with partial suspension and have devised something on my own. I'm proud of my design. I've studied martial arts and know this is the best way for me.

It makes me sad to leave this way and I worry how my son will react. My father killed himself when I was 13 and his death used to be a motivator to not inflict survivor pain onto anyone else. I'm pretty detached from people now though so it shouldn't be much of an impact on others. Just wish life would've worked out differently for me. I've tried. God knows I've tried.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm Joe and I'm currently 26 years old. I won't reveal to much about me but I knew about SanctionedSuicide when it started out on Reddit and was a long time lurker. It's great to see many great like-minded individuals who discuss the importance on Suicide that not many in real life will talk about. I can't wait to meet some cool people here!

Welcome Joe! We're glad to have you!

Intro here. I am a 59 year old female so probably one of the oldies on this forum. It's okay though; I'm used to not fitting in. I've tried so much throughout my life but nothing has stuck.

I was happiest when my son was little but now he's grown and creating his own life that does not include me. I'm also single again which sucks at this stage of the game. I have no real friends and I'm not sure why. I'm athletic, intelligent, have a great job, own my home, have a good sense of humor, not overweight..... but nobody wants to include me in their group, their lives, except old geezers with dentures, buck teeth and/or bad breath who want to get laid. No thanks.

I've decided on an adapted night-night method with partial suspension and have devised something on my own. I'm proud of my design. I've studied martial arts and know this is the best way for me.

It makes me sad to leave this way and I worry how my son will react. My father killed himself when I was 13 and his death used to be a motivator to not inflict survivor pain onto anyone else. I'm pretty detached from people now though so it shouldn't be much of an impact on others. Just wish life would've worked out differently for me. I've tried. God knows I've tried.

We're glad to have you as well! But I feel like you're elaborating too much on your health. Nothing wrong with it, but health is the last thing on our minds here

 

[cyan]

We're glad to have you as well! But I feel like you're elaborating too much on your health. Nothing wrong with it, but health is the last thing on our minds here

@Brick In The Wall I don't understand your comment about me elaborating on my health. Is listing some of my attributes wrong? Did I do something wrong?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm Joe and I'm currently 26 years old. I won't reveal to much about me but I knew about SanctionedSuicide when it started out on Reddit and was a long time lurker. It's great to see many great like-minded individuals who discuss the importance on Suicide that not many in real life will talk about. I can't wait to meet some cool people here!

Welcome to the new S.S. I was on the old S.S. when it was on Reddit also. (Damn ... I'm still alive) I did stay on Time To Go for awhile also.
They used to have a link for here. (Not anymore) I still log in there every once in a while. (Usually when this S.S. is down)
I'm thankful this site is here. If we talk about it IRL we could get locked up. Anyway ... Welcome.

 

[grungeCat]

Hello everyone!
I'm 21-years-old male from Poland. I was diagnosed as depressed at the age of 10. I've been treated with 5 anti-depressant drugs without success. I've always had troubles with social interactions and my biggest worry is chronic loneliness.

I had problems with drugs in my life but that's a topic for another story.

I've just finished highschool and honestly don't know what to do next. I don't have any interesting hobbies. I really love cats - unfortunately I own only one.

 

[CW53]

Hello everyone of SS,

Used to freqeuntly lurk the SS subreddit before it was taken down and have now finally made an account here.

I'm in my late twenties and have been depressed for many years mainly because I have never seemed to fit in or belong anywhere despite what I have or havent done over the years, only now I'm actively seeking what I need in order to CTB.

I'm 100% set on CTB using N, however sadly my first purchase was seized and am now trying to figure out how to get N succesfully the second time around.

My main goal here is give what experience I have so far and to seek guidance from others on how they have personally sourced N.

 

[PretendSmile]

Hello everyone, I am new to this place did lurk for a few days before joining.

I'm female 40's from the UK. Single and no children. I live alone but 'care' for my dad who lives nearby.

I have battled with MH issues for 20 years and I am definitely mis-diagnosed and that it not helping matters because my current diagnosis means it normal in the UK to not give support to people. I am diagnosed with BPD when I believe I have Bipolar which reared its head back in the late 90's. It's a long story and there is plenty of evidence I'm Bipolar and that I don't have BPD.

I frequently get suicidal when unwell and have made several attempts on my life all overdoses and once with insulin, the latter I ended up in ICU.

This year there were three overdoses in the space of 7 days in May, followed by a 4th at the beginning of June. In between 3 and 4 I was sectioned on a section 2 and spent just 4 days in hospital, told the psychiatrist what he wanted to hear to get out and back home. I was under the homebased treatment team from the beginning of May till the middle of June, then they discharged me - basically they did nothing whilst I was under them except section me!

I'm so done with fighting for mental health support and going through crisis after crisis. Dad always been a protective factor to keep me hanging on but even him is not enough now to keep me living much longer. I need a method that won't see me survive. I'm ready to leave and find peace and hope I'll be reunited with my mum who died 11 years ago.

 

[catsarecool]

Hey there! I'm C, a 22 year old dude from Finland. I've been mentally ill since I was a kid thanks to not-so-great circumstances with my family and it has left me broken. I was diagnosed with depression many years ago but now I'm getting tested to see if I have BPD (and if I do it would explain a lot haha)
I like videogames (really into persona lately), horror, anime/manga and drawing. I'm also really interested in history and serial killers.

 

[Whoa Whoa Yeah Yeah]

Hi all.

I'm Mickey. 42, male, from the UK. Aspergers, ADHD, massive introvert, history of social anxiety, chronic depression, and a ton of physical shit I won't bore you with.

After a wonderful decade of happiness and progression, the like of which I never dreamt possible, I've (once again) decided I don't want to be alive anymore, so here I am. Had a brief spell hanging out on alt.suicide.holiday around the early 00's, figured this place is the modern equivalent (stumbled on it searching for info about oxycodone overdose). Things are a bit different this time, though. Whereas before I was lonely and sad, desperate for companionship, now I'm just bored, fed up with society and how it treats people, and tired of being stuck in the middle of it all.

I'm hoping with the help of the darknet I won't be hanging out at the bus stop for too long this time; something I'm extremely grateful for.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Hey everyone.

I'm M, male, 21 years old from the UK. I've been on here a couple of days but have only seen this thread now. I've been mentally ill for around a decade now, but I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 16; due to people noticing that I was self harming.

I've made 5 attempts to ctb in the past and I hope the next time will be my last attempt. This time I've made a lot more preparation and alternate routes I can take on the bus so I'm hopeful. I'm planning to ctb when my granddad and pets pass which will be sooner rather than later.

I enjoy anime, reading, games and playing guitar. I'm also into History and studied it at uni for a while til my mental health got the better of me.

 

[idkimtired]

Greetings!

I'm a 20 year old female from US, almost 21 if I make it that long. I have bpd and traumatized all of my college friends with my many failed attempts. I'm only really living for my dog nowadays. I work in psychiatry and listen to doctors telling people "I promise you everything will be okay" all day. I can't sleep at nights and hate being alone. Pm me and we can be sleep deprived humans together.

 

[Quimont]

Hi everyone, I feel very tired with everything. I kinda want to not feel anything anymore. I'm learning as much as I can about N, SN, and other methods while I hanging on these threads. Peace.

 

[ArtySchopenhauer]

Hello, I'm a long-time lurker; joined not too long ago. Natively, I'm Polish, but have lived in Ireland for most of life. I've been severely depressed since I was 10 or 11 probably. Turned 18 a couple of months ago. Train-wreck. Mentally fucked. Hope to post and be useful around here.

I hope you all are doing reletively well.

Do these usually have to get moderator approval? Did I say something wrong kek?

 

[ArtySchopenhauer]

Hi everyone, I feel very tired with everything. I kinda want to not feel anything anymore. I'm learning as much as I can about N, SN, and other methods while I hanging on these threads. Peace.

Hey, dude, hope you find this forum useful. I'm fairly new here myself.

 

[Joey]

Welcome to the new S.S. I was on the old S.S. when it was on Reddit also. (Damn ... I'm still alive) I did stay on Time To Go for awhile also.
They used to have a link for here. (Not anymore) I still log in there every once in a while. (Usually when this S.S. is down)
I'm thankful this site is here. If we talk about it IRL we could get locked up. Anyway ... Welcome.

I'm surprised I'm alive myself and to see many people come and go from the reddit page and to here, not knowing they're alive anymore is eerie but I'm glad they got their wishes.

 

[MewtwoIsAlive]

Hello everyone im new here, not for a long time...

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Hello everyone im new here, not for a long time...

Hello traveler,
everyone is welcome here, even if they are just passing through.
What do your travel plans look like?

 

[MewtwoIsAlive]

Hello traveler,
everyone is welcome here, even if they are just passing through.
What do your travel plans look like?

I dunno, ctb asap, i wish i could do it before september like you

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Unfortunately, all my documents on methods are in German, they are of little use to you. But here in the forum you will find concentrated knowledge on the topic.

I am sure there is something suitable for you.