Venting Intense emotions

[milliecoyote]

Well, this is my second post. I just wanted to say that I might almost get shipped to the military but I'm not sure if I will bc of my weight. I had half a year to loose it. I chose not to and just rotted on my bed. I've been recently getting back into exercising but it's hard honestly and I always get exhausted so fast bc my Vo2 is at a 14… and I'm 20…. Not good for my age. Uh, yeah, idk tomorrow they will weigh me and measure me and let me know if I will go or not. I'm just, I really want to disappear idk I have a feeling they will cancel my contract and that sucks a lot. I wanted to go but at the same time not. I feel a bit happy I might get my contract canceled but at the same time no. I wanted to go to escape my family that are toxic. Yeah, idk, I feel like exploding. I hate feeling emotions it's too much. I'm fine but my emotions are just out of my control and making me feel not fine. Idk how people can control their own emotions man. Gajdkfhdhdhdhd idk if I'll be able to sleep tonight… tomorrow will determine my future. I might update idk we will see. I will comment under my own forum unless I can't comment idk. I know post once a week so I will see if I can reply to my own post to update idk. I just want to rip my head off.

 

[milliecoyote]

An update on this, I've been taken to the office today and since they didn't have female NCO's to tape measure me I only had myself weighed and I weighed the same as yesterday. They told me to use preparation h and seran wrap and drink magnesium citrate but I didn't really do any of those due to the stuff I read. I mean I did wrap myself in seran wrap and was sweaty but yeah idk. I'll be going to MEPs on Sunday but I'm hoping they reject me, at the same time I hope they don't. I just feel I have been indoctrinated to choose this path, no one pressured me, as a matter a fact my dad and mom said not to go but yeah. Idk I just I'm lazy and want an easy life and just do art commissions and be a lazy chud all day in my room, that's the life I want. I can't have it tho, everyone works and sacrifices things for a living and when I try I give up, idk how other do it tbh. I probably don't have it in me, I don't know… I might update on here a few days later if I made it or not. I hope I don't and come back home and make excuses. If I made it, then idk, I hope that my life improves and that I can get stronger and pave a career path for myself over there. Again, let me emphasize nobody forced me to go, I made this decision to lead my toxic household. I'd rather go to the military than be homeless. I know I'll suffer but I would rather suffer at the hands of the military than at the hands of homelessness idk. I hope, I truly hope that the military can change me and make me more independent and less anxious and what not idk. I'm so tired I didn't sleep enough I'll be sleeping now.