Story Insomnia

[Deleted member 1465]

So, I've now been over 3 months without any real sleep. This is because, among other things I have crazy night-time polyuria (have to pee every half hour. Its slowly killing me. Can barely function, can barely make a meal or use the pc etc. I'm constantly on the verge of dehydration and starvation.

I don't leave the house. My long suffering brother has been shopping for me, but he is going to stop. The mental health team this week are going to force me to take medication and to go shopping with one of them. Makes sense, only my functionality is so reduced from lack of sleep these things are beyond me. If I won't take the drugs or can't manage to shop, they will discharge me from the service. Then I have no way of getting food unless I can miraculously cure myself. And no, after 3 years are chasing specialists, I've gotten no practical diagnosis or help. My GP just stares at me blankly. Mental Health think its all in my head and I just need to be less anxious. Lol, less anxious about having lost the ability to sleep? Nice one!

Oh and my brother and sister are selling my home soon too (they own a third each).

So my options are:
Somehow manage to plod along on less and less sleep with the underlying illness getting worse.
Let nature take its course and starve/dehydrate to death
Suicide

No options for suicide though, just like the rest of you. Very likely to fail and wind up starving anyway, just with extra trauma.

All this is happening now. And they tell me to relax.

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

I'm sorry to hear this. I completely can relate. I have severe insomnia and I also pee about 6/7 times a night. Even if I haven't drank any water for hours. Is there a reason you don't want to take the medication? If I don't take mine I can go months without sleep. The dr put me on antidepressants that actually gave me even worse insomia. So for a month without sleeping I know take amertipline at night. I can sleep 90% better and pee around 3 times a night now.

I know not everyone wants to take meds for various reasons but sometimes it's the only way just through the days. Even tho I'm groggy and tired from them I would rather that then laying awake all night and absolutely losing my mind.

 

[15dec]

Starving and dehydration wouldn't be a pleasant way to go, so I'd advise against that. As for suicide, resources for hanging are pretty easy to get ahold of, and SN is easy to get though the antiemetics are more of a pain.

Could you try sleeping pills or haven't they worked? Another solution could be trying to find a different doctor in case you have more luck with someone else. Are there any other specialists you could try contacting, maybe even someone in another country if you haven't tried already?

 

[Jodes]

If I won't take the drugs or can't manage to shop, they will discharge me from the service.
.

Wtf!! Contact your local MP? If you're in the UK?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Being taken shopping on Monday, like a child lol. I'm 46. My brother and sister and the mental people refuse to believe I'm actually ill, as the psych has diagnosed me as hypochondriac, a diagnosis that means anything I'm actually ill will will be dismissed as delusional.

I don't want to take the medication due to the side effects, I suffer major constipation already and even though I want to sleep I don't want it to interfere with the night-time peeing rodeo: When I have slept a little I wake up after an hour with a full bladder which has actually nearly burst on several occasions due to not being able to pee easily from a UTI. But again, apparently, this is not actually happening!

Tried many specialists with conflicting advice and now the hypochondria diagnosis has me fucked.

Haha I've even wondered about taken a large (though still just theraputic) dose of zopiclone and mirtazapene I have left to MAKE me sleep and make my bladder burst. Very painfull I imagine.

I am terrified of dying from starvation and dehydration, so much so that I'm considering full suspension. It is horrific, but we all kind of know that partial is a crapshoot, right?

Apologies for typing errors, tiny amounts of sleep since September.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Meh, I have 3 days left before I have to try and behave like a normie. Or string myself up. Just can't face doing it, sure I want it over, but I don't want to hurt myself and I don't want to hurt my family and ruin their lives, even if they have abandoned me. And yes, despite years of being a physical determinist, I'm leaning back to the idea that there is something after death and I'm really not going to enjoy it whatever happens.

The chronic insomnia makes me feel so weird. Very weak, dizzy and disorientated, faint and a weird head rush. Vision is bad and I'm really jumpy. If I close my eyes I hallucinate some random stuff. I think my subconcious mind is leaking into my waking mind!