Venting Insomnia and desire for CTB now

[bad luck]

I took my sleep medication 3 hours ago: 5mg diazepam 10mg zolpidem 200mg trazodone I've barely hit two yawns, I had to watch a movie and now I can't stop thinking about CTB soon with SN. Very close to impulsivity. I just took 1mg alprazolam to see if I fall asleep, if not, every 20 minutes I take another and another until I fall asleep. I keep thinking about CTB, images of my funeral, what to put in suicide letters... My brain doesn't stop and I want to sleep

 

[CommitSudoku]

I relate, it hurts so much when our minds are just torturing us and all we want is some peace in the form of sleep. I really hope you're able to fall asleep. I don't know if your phone has an effect on your sleep, but maybe see if you can keep it away and if that helps. The blue light of my phone always knocks me back by a half hour whenever I look at it before trying to sleep. It's the worst trying to sleep and every night being consumed with negativity or else depression. Wishing you the best and hoping you're able to get some much deserved sleep.

 

[its-about-time]

Can relate. Some nights the ctb thoughts are intense enough to prevent sleep until sunrise. I've been trying out naming what parts of my day were good when I get in bed, sometimes it helps me think nicer thoughts into the night which in turn helps me sleep. When I find I'm super caught up in ctb thoughts anyways, I just go back and think of the nice things again.

Positive distraction at least and I am into enjoying my final time as much as I can. I feel more grateful for every day and am actually enjoying little things again, now that I've decided this is the end.

 

[DeepSlumber]

Same here. Going through it now. It's so damn hot now at nearly 1 a.m., which just increases the sense of oppression. But even when it's cool, I have horrible insomnia. CTB is on my mind 24/7, and like you, it's all the shit you got to get get done if you're a responsible person. I will not do anything impulsive. It's going to be planned and organized. I've been shredding tons of papers and donated piles of books to local library bookstore. Feels good to eliminate and make a slight dent in the damn clutter. And, my god, is there clutter. My theme song is "Too Much Stuff" sung by Lyle Lovett and somebody else.

 

[bad luck]

update : After the first alprazolam, I went to drink hot milk, then I took another 1mg xanax and finally my mind started to think about sleep before CTB. I only slept 5 hours still.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be awful when you are unable to sleep. Sleep can be like a break from life in a way and all that I want is to sleep forever. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[BigGimpin]

I only slept 5 hours still.

Damn, I would give just about anything to sleep for 5 hours! It has been about 4 years since I have slept more than 3hrs at a time.

Where do you get so many benzos? I go through a month supply of klonopin from my doc in under a week.

 

[bad luck]

Damn, I would give just about anything to sleep for 5 hours! It has been about 4 years since I have slept more than 3hrs at a time.

Where do you get so many benzos? I go through a month supply of klonopin from my doc in under a week.

Spain leads the world list of consumption of benzodiazepines for anxiety (Page in Castilian (Spanish)


Primary care doctors know that prescribing benzos is not the solution, but neither is waiting 4 months to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

It may sound good but if they take them off cold turkey or I drink a bottle of Scotch every day or I guess I'd be put in for detox (I've never heard of them being put in for this, only the rich in private clinics)



It reminded me of this fight club scene, I'm sorry they give you so little benzos or they don't help you at all. In some countries they are more restrictive with this, then we have countries like Spain...

 

[DeepSlumber]

update : After the first alprazolam, I went to drink hot milk, then I took another 1mg xanax and finally my mind started to think about sleep before CTB. I only slept 5 hours still.

That's how much Xanax? And, still< only five hours sleep? Maybe you've built up a tolerance? Damn. That really sucks. Sorry.

 

[bad luck]

That's how much Xanax? And, still< only five hours sleep? Maybe you've built up a tolerance? Damn. That really sucks. Sorry.

In addition to the medication mentioned above, 2 more xanax 1mg pills. Yes, of course I have tolerance :(