Venting incoherent babble

[silliestclown]

ive never felt so calm and accepting of my demise as i have these past weeks, months, years. i don't fear the loss of my life, i wasnt cut out to be a person and thats okay. it's certainly a sad fate, but it just happens that way sometimes.
the only fear that remains is of the fallout i'll inevitably cause with that ultimate "selfish" act. even though I hate myself, hate my existence to my very core, I can't seem to hate myself more than I love my small little family. the thought of hurting them scares me just as much the thought of living does.
it's cruel irony kinda. the two things i desire most are not allowed to exist simultaneously. and so I'm forced to give up one or the other.
im trying. trying to push my self dissonance over the 100% marker. because every day i continue to live becomes more unbearable. but
until then
im trapped

 

[Elegy]

I understand. I live in a roadside motel. People come here deliberately to die. Typically drug overdose. I drink with them. I smoke a bowl with them. We chat. Shoot the breeze. They seem "calm". Made their peace. Sun goes down....
Dawn breaks. Coroner carts them off. By my count, 6 men have died here since the day I checked in. Almost certainly intentional suicide. Or at the very least... I just don't fuckin care anymore. Gave all I got to give. Guess that is how they found their serenity.

Side note. I've drawn crosses on their doors the day after. I'm not Christian, but it felt like the right thing to do. A sign of respect. A prayer for their souls. The motel owner isn't real fond of me doing that though. Fuck him I say. It is my way of paying respect to the dead.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I understand. I live in a roadside motel. People come here deliberately to die. Typically drug overdose. I drink with them. I smoke a bowl with them. We chat. Shoot the breeze. They seem "calm". Made their peace. Sun goes down....
Dawn breaks. Coroner carts them off. By my count, 6 men have died here since the day I checked in. Almost certainly intentional suicide. Or at the very least... I just don't fuckin care anymore. Gave all I got to give. Guess that is how they found their serenity.

Really? That's grim. What country may I ask?

 

[Elegy]

America. But I might just as easily be anywhere in the world, where
weary travelers come to find solace and serenity.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, of course suicide upsets those that are left behind, and I know that can be hard to deal with for many people, but we never asked to exist in the first place and we have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing. There is nothing 'selfish' about it. I also feel calm about my decision, I know that for me suicide is the right thing. Death is comforting to me, as I will not have to experience this life anymore and I will be free from all suffering. I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is unbearable. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[$nowLeopard]

I understand. I live in a roadside motel. People come here deliberately to die. Typically drug overdose. I drink with them. I smoke a bowl with them. We chat. Shoot the breeze. They seem "calm". Made their peace. Sun goes down....
Dawn breaks. Coroner carts them off. By my count, 6 men have died here since the day I checked in. Almost certainly intentional suicide. Or at the very least... I just don't fuckin care anymore. Gave all I got to give. Guess that is how they found their serenity.

Side note. I've drawn crosses on their doors the day after. I'm not Christian, but it felt like the right thing to do. A sign of respect. A prayer for their souls. The motel owner isn't real fond of me doing that though. Fuck him I say. It is my way of paying respect to the dead.

What type of drug overdose typically? Heroin? That seems like the optimal suicide for me personally anyway

 

[$nowLeopard]

Ask them, not me. The last dude who OD here, showed me a clear plastic bag packed with pills. Assorted varieties by the look. Since he died, I would guess opiates. Oxy maybe. Fentanyl? Fuck if I know. He did not specify what the contents were. and cops took whatever evidence was left in his room, when the coroner carted his corpse off in the morning. Side note? We were drinking beer for several hours prior, and maybe the alcohol kicked the dope in the ass? But no hard liquor. Just beer.

For all I know, the guy injected pure heroin straight into his brain on top of the pills. I would have inquired, but he seemed in good spirits. Not suicidal.

What do you think about heroin as a way to CTB? in your country drugs are very easy to get