
NutOrat
Sleepwalking
- Jun 11, 2025
- 55
I can't talk properly in my country's official language, because at school instead of learning it I thought I was being a cool rebel and that I won't need it once I go abroad to Norway or somewhere like that. What a stupid fucking idiot I was (still am). I can't talk to most people here who don't talk in Russian, and even in Russian I can't properly express most of my thoughts, because English has become more than a second main language for me. I think in it more than half the time, but even so, my English is also not perfect, far from it. I can't immediately express everything clearly in it either.
So I can't communicate in my native (Russian), in English, and definitely not in my country's language. I can't talk to local lifelines (one of which is only for 18 years old and below, so not for me), all of which can't provide talking in English. So far I've only found two therapists who have mentioned consultation in all 3 languages, one of whom I went to and she was a self-taught unlicensed fraud, the other is a man in his 50s, I don't think we'll find a common language and he'll see me as weak whiny bitch or something like that we always say here.
I can't talk to anyone properly, for me to write a post here like this one it takes upwards to an hour, editing mistakes and thinking how to put my thoughts into words that won't read like an alien wrote them. I'm a fucking alien, I can't communicate with anyone fully. People say to learn a language you need to keep trying to talk to people, even if you can't weave two sentences together. Do you know how much other people hate talking to someone like that? 99% of people will not have the patience for this, they'll either switch to English or Russian or any common language like that. Also it's really fucking hard and humiliating, that in a country you've grown up you can't talk to people and feel like an outcast. I don't belong here, I didn't belong abroad, I don't belong anywhere.
So I can't communicate in my native (Russian), in English, and definitely not in my country's language. I can't talk to local lifelines (one of which is only for 18 years old and below, so not for me), all of which can't provide talking in English. So far I've only found two therapists who have mentioned consultation in all 3 languages, one of whom I went to and she was a self-taught unlicensed fraud, the other is a man in his 50s, I don't think we'll find a common language and he'll see me as weak whiny bitch or something like that we always say here.
I can't talk to anyone properly, for me to write a post here like this one it takes upwards to an hour, editing mistakes and thinking how to put my thoughts into words that won't read like an alien wrote them. I'm a fucking alien, I can't communicate with anyone fully. People say to learn a language you need to keep trying to talk to people, even if you can't weave two sentences together. Do you know how much other people hate talking to someone like that? 99% of people will not have the patience for this, they'll either switch to English or Russian or any common language like that. Also it's really fucking hard and humiliating, that in a country you've grown up you can't talk to people and feel like an outcast. I don't belong here, I didn't belong abroad, I don't belong anywhere.