in this thread: post your dumbest or funniest non-method ideas

[TheHolySword]

I'm bored of everyone talking about DMC. I want to see some really stupid method ideas that you know will never work or methods that are so outlandish that it's just funny.

I'm talking methods like going to the Middle East and blaspheming Islam or trying to kill yourself in quicksand because you saw it in a movie. Just devilishly cartoonish methods or just plain dumb - whatever doesn't work.

 

[DontTouchMeImFamous]

Lol I'm in the Middle East. I wish blaspheming Islam would kill me. I would have done it long ago. But I think showing caricature of Mohamed might do. Should I do it?
Lmao Thanks for the laugh! I needed that!

 

[whitetaildeer]

Remember that kid who masturbated to death? That, combined with 1,500mg of caffeine. That amount of caffeine by itself wouldn't be deadly (I speak from experience; I seldom drink that much, sometimes more), but...

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

Step 1: Be lactose intolerant.
Step 2: Don't care that you're lactose intolerant (like all my lactose intolerant friends fsr) and eat and ungodly amount of cheese pizza.
Step 3: Wait.
Step 4: Mount your throne for 2 hours, sweating profusely while forcing the deadliest defecation of your life.
Step 5: Acquire and tear the biggest hemorrhoid the world has ever not see.
Step 6: Bleed out on the bathroom floor and die.

 

[Izzythebelle]

suicide by police sounds funny and I'm brown enough to get shot if I act suspicious, but I'd have to travel somewhere a little more racist first lmao

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

Fail to backflip off the roof of a car onto a skateboard and break your neck... or sit down for 73 hours and get up-- only to get fucking organ failure . oof.

73 Hours of Video Games = Total Organ Collapse

Gamer's sitting leads to serious consequences

www.medpagetoday.com

 

[sweetcreep]

not funny, just dumb and wouldn't work: bed rotting. some days it's hard to get out of bed and do things. those days i wish i could turn into a pile of mushrooms by sheer willpower.

 

[ForestGhost]

I would start a cult then go out Jonestown style. Wouldn't have to catch the bus alone, then

 

[Ariii]

Hit myself in the chest until I get commotio cordis, aka cardiac rest after getting hit in chest at the exact right timing+hard enough

 

[venerated-vader]

I always wanted to die in space. I wouldn't make it there, though-- I'd probably die in the rocket on the way up. Which would probably suck, but if I made it, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to die 100% happy.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

some wiley coyote into a fake tunnel wall shit.

 

[oneeyed]

some wiley coyote into a fake tunnel wall shit.

Lol, was going to say something similar...

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Lol, was going to say something similar...

this gif wins.

 

[resetmonoxide]

storming into a high security government building with a fake gun

 

[mossmoth]

Have seriously considered all of these before xd
1. Roller skates + long hand rail to hold onto + razor blade.
2. Found an unused shotgun shell on the road once, was convinced I could figure out how to use it without a shotgun
3. Jumping from a hot-air balloon
4. Getting drugs from the dealers at my old high school… Didn't do drugs or want to OD on them themselves, but 5-6 students were hospitalized during the school day because of fentanyl lacing a year.
5. I knew where an abandoned oil tank was and went there regularly because it was a pretty neat spot. My friend dipped their hand in it (the oil/petrol?) once and it caused this NASTY reaction. Surely jumping in would kill you.

 

[Namelesa Graves]

Become an astronaut to just die in space by ruining your oxygen supply, taking off gear, intentionally get stranded in space, crashing the space ship or going into the sun.

 

[AlTheObviousAlien]

I thought suicide by cop was dumb, but im the right color. All I need to do is what they say and then mention Jesus. Sonya rip

 

[StrugglingSienna]

There is always the ancient, esoteric method known as boozecruising on the wrong side of the road and getting into a head-on collision with a single mother and her 5 children. Would not recommend this obviously, but you have to admit that it has a certain spiritual energy to it that SN can just never compare to.

 

[worldclass_sinner]

Your post remind me of a dumb attempt that I did. I once drank too much water because I had read in an article that a woman had died due to drinking too much water, so I drank 5 bottles of water and did not die but I did pee in the bed

 

[Droso]

Landing yourself in jail. Picking a fight with the strongest and biggest person there. If they don't kill you then, keep doing it until they do.

 

[JesiBel]

Joining drug cartels / mafia.

You will surely die, but in a horrible way..

 

[princeseadove]

When I was about 5, I tried to tie my moms scarf around my neck and tie it really hard and fall back to sleep, thinking itll take me out. Instead I just went into a coughing fit when I woke up LMAO. That was my first, I also thought if I focused really hard in the mirror I can explode my mind somehow

 

[deadbidaylight]

Covering yourself in dead fish and jumping into shark infested waters.

I could see a man sitting on the can for so long watching videos that they get blood clots in their legs and die from that

 

[Pleaserewind]

Cover yourself in bacon grease put on a Peppa pig costume and jump into a bear enclosure.

 

[8leveloquenfrn4evr8]

In the vein of the brazilian guy:

an interactive porn video game with electrodes attached to various body parts to add zaps/stimulation/motivation to finish the game

upon finishing the game a final zap leads to (hopefully) instant death by electrocution.

a set up with an inert gas, as suggested elsewhere, would probably be better though. harder to set up but then again these ideas aren't meant to be tried at home.

 

[Halfhourdays]

Endlessly making half-assed gestur3s with OD attempts using OTC/Rx meds.

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

Doing a ritual before sleep that includes the mentalization of death, claiming for it drag me when I sleep - of course it'd never worked, and it's embarassing to wake up and realize that you were foolish enough to believe in stuff like that --'

 

[apearl]

if you like this thread and ur still bored you should check out wikipedia's list of unusual deaths

 

[to fall to winter]

gonna go out crushed by a falling piano

 

[footballseason]

I've had this thought stirring in my head for a while now but I don't know how to make it into a "joke"

If you're completely suicidal, you might use a shotgun to blow your entire head off and kill yourself. If you really hate yourself but you don't actually want to die, you can get one of those orange less-lethal bean bag shotguns and just bruise the absolute shit out of your chin.