In regards to CrushedHopes (CTB)

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Hello, my family...

This is not an easy post for me to write.

Last night, I voice chatted with @CrushedHopes knowing that it would be his final night. We had a really good time and laughed plenty.

He was incredibly amazing to me in the time we knew each other and I felt something. It was love! I was so happy, but so sad it would be short lived..

I really can't thank him enough for getting me through some really dark times and being by my side when I needed him. I am up at my usual hour (6:30AM) and just hoping that my crying doesn't make any noise.. I'm so sad, but I'm glad that he's found peace. It's been several hours since he took his SN and we said our final goodbyes.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm absolutely heartbroken, and I knew what I was doing when I went into it! He said that he was glad that I was there to comfort him in his final moments and even left me a final recorded message which I will listen to later as I do not have the will power to do it now.

Please, I know he could sometimes be harsh and his words were not always so nice, but he was actually a kind person. He felt guilt and sadness towards the way he treated people in the past as well..

All I ask is that his name be crossed out, please? He didn't make a goodbye post because I was on a call with him when he passed..

Oh my good lord, I don't even know what to do... What do I do? I'm having a tough time coping and it's so hypocritical of me as someone who also plans to CTB.

With all my love..

~ H x

 

[Frank]

Understanding the reasoning behind it doesn't make it any less painfull so don't feel to bad about that and just grief. I hope he found peace in the end.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Understanding the reasoning behind it doesn't make it any less painfull so don't feel to bad about that and just grief. I hope he found peace in the end.

Yes, he was the light of my life...thank you, I hope so too. x

 

[Stan]

Beautiful tribute @SuicidalSymphonies . I hope they found their peace and that their transition was peaceful.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Beautiful tribute @SuicidalSymphonies . I hope they found their peace and that their transition was peaceful.

Oh man, the waterworks.. Thank you so much, Stan. I am feeling very strange and beside myself right now. I can't believe he's gone, but he's at peace. x

 

[Stan]

Oh man, the waterworks.. Thank you so much, Stan. I am feeling very strange and beside myself right now. I can't believe he's gone, but he's at peace. x

It is the nature of this place, it must have been a real comfort for him to have you as company in his last hours.

 

[SinisterKid]

It has been done.

Hopefully he is at peace now, with himself and the choices he made.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

It is the nature of this place, it must have been a real comfort for him to have you as company in his last hours.

Yes, he had said that.. Again, thank you so much. And everything you and the other moderators do to make this place a safe and comforting "home".

It has been done.

Hopefully he is at peace now, with himself and the choices he made.

I truly hope so too. Thank you, @SinisterKid . Thank you for your contribution to this site and keeping the peace.. x

 

[lymbo]

Yes, he had said that.. Again, thank you so much. And everything you and the other moderators do to make this place a safe and comforting "home".


I truly hope so too. Thank you, @SinisterKid . Thank you for your contribution to this site and keeping the peace.. x

rest yn peace to hym, what was hys reason for ctb/?

 

[MeltingHeart]

I hope his transition went smoothly, so good he had you to talk to and enjoy his last hours in company with someone he trusted.

 

[MisanthropicLycan]

I didn't know him well at all. I only chatted with him briefly a few times but he seemed like a really kind and intelligent guy. I'm sorry for your loss. That is wonderful you were able to be there for him in his final moments on earth and provide friendship and serenity for him before he passed into the great unknown. You are a good friend. I hope he is in a better place now and may he rest in peace.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

rest yn peace to hym, what was hys reason for ctb/?

It's a very long story. He made a post about it on here and it was in his signature, I believe.

I hope his transition went smoothly, so good he had you to talk to and enjoy his last hours in company with someone he trusted.

Yes, I hope the aftermath was smooth all the way through. It was a very tough last call, but I wanted to be there. Thank you so much. x

I didn't know him well at all. I only chatted with him briefly a few times but he seemed like a really kind and intelligent guy. I'm sorry for your loss. That is wonderful you were able to be there for him in his final moments on earth and provide friendship and serenity for him before he passed into the great unknown. You are a good friend. I hope he is in a better place now and may he rest in peace.

Thank you for your kind words. It really meant a lot to him that he spend his last moments with me. I asked permission to post on here and wanted his name crossed so that nobody could replace that person I love.

Again, thank you. x

 

[Are you lost too?]

I hope his transition was smooth and that he was able to find peace.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sending you warm thoughts so you can find the strength to cope with it.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I hope his transition was smooth and that he was able to find peace.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sending you warm thoughts so you can find the strength to cope with it.

I do hope the same. Thank you for the warm thoughts.. Will definitely be needing them during this time.

 

[Morphosis]

rest yn peace to hym, what was hys reason for ctb/?

Very sad to hear about this, I enjoyed his posts and how passionate he was. He was very young but felt his life wasn't worth living without the career he had chosen. He felt he had f*kd things up beyond repair within the community of voice actors/ anime and gaming and felt they all hated him, and he had also been doxed so they all knew his real name.
Several times he said he had manipulated people in the past and was a bad person, but was trying to make amends by being compassionate to people here. It was obvious he was very sensitive and a decent soul at heart. He was outraged at scammers here and very protective of the community so clearly NOT a bad person!
I really hope he has found peace and I'm sorry for the loss of your friend @SuicidalSymphonies

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Very sad to hear about this, I enjoyed his posts and how passionate he was. He was very young but felt his life wasn't worth living without the career he had chosen. He felt he had f*kd things up beyond repair within the community of voice actors/ anime and gaming and felt they all hated him, and he had also been doxed so they all knew his real name.
Several times he said he had manipulated people in the past and was a bad person, but was trying to make amends by being compassionate to people here. It was obvious he was very sensitive and a decent soul at heart. He was outraged at scammers here and very protective of the community so clearly NOT a bad person!
I really hope he has found peace and I'm sorry for the loss of your friend @SuicidalSymphonies

Yes, you basically summed it up. Thank you so much. It is a hard loss, like a freight train. I had to take some valium and also natural calmers to let myself relax after the call ended. (Too hard for me to type his story, my hands/wrists aren't very well but I do what I can).

I am glad you did not see him as a bad person. He really tried to show he had changed, but was completely out casted even if he had gotten better. They shunned him entirely and he would never even be able to enjoy it as a side hobby.. May he be at peace.. x

 

[hobbydevil]

I'm... saddened and quite shocked to hear he has passed.
I only talked to him once or twice on here, and I knew he said he was hoping to "leave" soon, but he was a very active user these past weeks and it will be so very strange to not have him around anymore...

I hope he has found peace and that he's alright if there's something else after life.

 

[Goneforgood]

I'm so sorry for your loss.... You have a beautiful Soul... I send you all my love

 

[okaoki]

i hope he found peace and get to rest now .

 

[woxihuanni]

He had amazing courage to acknowledge his past darkness, and it is heartbreaking that he had to leave.

You showed immense kindness and love standing by him, unfortunately I don't even know what to say to ease your pain even a little bit. Only that I hug you.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

He will be missed. It's so good you were with him at the end. I can't imagine how tough that must be for you to find someone and then lose them soon quickly. He must have been so comforted to have you there.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I'm... saddened and quite shocked to hear he has passed.
I only talked to him once or twice on here, and I knew he said he was hoping to "leave" soon, but he was a very active user these past weeks and it will be so very strange to not have him around anymore...

I hope he has found peace and that he's alright if there's something else after life.

Yes, it saddens me as well.. I felt he had potential but understood why he went.. He was younger than me by a few months..
Thank you for your condolences. x

I'm so sorry for your loss.... You have a beautiful Soul... I send you all my love ❤

Thank you. That means so much to me. Tonight I'll be listening to the last audio he left for me. It's going to hurt..

i hope he found peace and get to rest now .

I wish the very same. Thank you so much. x

He had amazing courage to acknowledge his past darkness, and it is heartbreaking that he had to leave.

You showed immense kindness and love standing by him, unfortunately I don't even know what to say to ease your pain even a little bit. Only that I hug you.

A hug will suffice from you, honey. Thank you. xo

He will be missed. It's so good you were with him at the end. I can't imagine how tough that must be for you to find someone and then lose them soon quickly. He must have been so comforted to have you there.

Thank you, Underscore. Yeah, I really liked him. We hit it off quickly and kinda ended up falling. It's okay, though..the least I could do was be there for him in his final moments.

You are always so kind when you comment. Again, thank you. x

 

[realjunes]

SS - I am in awe of your ability to converse with this person under all the circumstances in both your lives. Your writing is a beautiful ode to your friend and could only be expressed by a person, possessing the love you shared. Thank you for sharing with us, in turn.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

SS - I am in awe of your ability to converse with this person under all the circumstances in both your lives. Your writing is a beautiful ode to your friend and could only be expressed by a person, possessing the love you shared. Thank you for sharing with us, in turn.

Wow.. Thank you. That's such a thoughtful and sweet thing for you to say. Today has definitely been hard went out with my mother and had to act like nothing happened at all but deep in my heart, I'm falling apart from this. I loved him a lot, and in order to prove that, I had to let him go. It's the ultimate test. A test that scares the hell out of me.

I wrote my true feelings. He made me feel like a person again and we'd do voice acting skits over voice chat and laugh and laugh.. I miss him.

Bless your heart. x

 

[hobbydevil]

Wow.. Thank you. That's such a thoughtful and sweet thing for you to say. Today has definitely been hard went out with my mother and had to act like nothing happened at all but deep in my heart, I'm falling apart from this. I loved him a lot, and in order to prove that, I had to let him go. It's the ultimate test. A test that scares the hell out of me.

I wrote my true feelings. He made me feel like a person again and we'd do voice acting skits over voice chat and laugh and laugh.. I miss him.

Bless your heart. x

Seeing how (understandably) heartbroken you are over this really breaks my heart, too.

Feel free to reach out anytime if you feel like you need to talk.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Seeing how (understandably) heartbroken you are over this really breaks my heart, too.

Feel free to reach out anytime if you feel like you need to talk.

Thank you so much.. It's usually me offering an ear.. I appreciate this a lot. The compassion and consideration of the people on this site makes me warm and fuzzy inside.. x

 

[Essence]

You both gave each other a wonderful and priceless gift - each other. During this difficult time, I am sure would have meant so much to him, to have you there I absolutely understood his view on his situation, my heart went out to him many many times. It is very sad, and such loss to this living realm, for I feel he did have a bright future ahead. However, most importantly his choice is of the utmost. His choice to ease the anguish he felt and to find peace. I wish him the best for his next journey. @SuicidalSymphonies my heart goes out to you. I wish I could ease this pain you feel

 

[WhiteDespair]

Goodbye, CH.

 

[Meant2Die]

I'm so sorry for your loss, however reluctantly glad at the same time hoping he peacefully achieved what he wanted. It's so amazing of you to be with him in his last moments. Takes a lot of strength!

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

You both gave each other a wonderful and priceless gift - each other. During this difficult time, I am sure would have meant so much to him, to have you there I absolutely understood his view on his situation, my heart went out to him many many times. It is very sad, and such loss to this living realm, for I feel he did have a bright future ahead. However, most importantly his choice is of the utmost. His choice to ease the anguish he felt and to find peace. I wish him the best for his next journey. @SuicidalSymphonies my heart goes out to you. I wish I could ease this pain you feel

Thank you so so much! I made a promise to him that I'd be there with him. And kept it. We had a short relationship but that doesn't matter. It MEANT a lot, and it was so hard when he was gone. His struggles may have seemed like nothing to some, but from my personal conversations with him, it was obvious more was going on..

Thanks again. x

I'm so sorry for your loss, however reluctantly glad at the same time hoping he peacefully achieved what he wanted. It's so amazing of you to be with him in his last moments. Takes a lot of strength!

Thank you so much. Went through a lot of toilet paper for sure. It was so surreal. I NEVER thought I'd ever talk to someone during their final moments. Was always scared of how it'd affect me and also becoming criminalized for it, but I love him, so I just did what I could to make his experience more comfortable. I hope someone offers the same to me.. x