in an ideal world, is there a preferred way you would ctb?

[Blue Elephant]

Self immolation

Going out in a blaze of glory! I like that!

Anyway, high speed crash in a wall for me.

 

[funeralcat]

Cutting my stomach and my legs, arms, and. Neck for bleeding to death and traumatize my family lol

 

[Emeralds]

I would keep it simple. I would just go to bed one night and die peacefully in my sleep.

 

[Sgrodolo]

A comedically obver-complicated Rupe Goldberg Machine that through a complicated system of wires and levers make a knife fall right on your head
That's gonna be fun

 

[Mars34]

No, I would just choose smth quick and leave a note

 

[fatladysings]

thank you :)

I want to maintain health until CTB as well. I figure, while I'm here, I may as well try to be comfortable. And bodily suffering can be immense. So it's best to try and avoid that if you can.

And I don't necessarily think it's mental fortitude that helps with discipline (though maybe I don't give myself enough credit, idk), but rather my fear of health problems. Alcohol is fucking terrifying in terms of effects on the body. I've also had a horrible family history with alcohol and that certainly ingrained in my mind the need to be careful with it. I'm also familiar with addiction, as I used to be extremely addicted to weed for years. So I know the patterns to look out for when things start to become a problem. I do also relate to being unable to stop drinking once I start. That is one of the main reasons why I keep it to once a week, since I almost always get blackout drunk cause I can't stop. If I was getting blackout drunk every day or every other day, fuck, I'd've probably ended up like MittenSquad (YouTuber who died from Alcohol related health issues at 27). And that's not the kind of death I want, too much suffering and too prolonged. So as a rule, I have to keep my drinking to a minimum. But I find once a week is good enough for me, as it gives me something to look forward to at the end of the week and it's a nice mental respite.

Yes it certainly sounds like it's your fear of health problems that stops you drinking and it's a good fear to have, that fear will stop you ending up like mittensquad. Your drinking issues sound a bit like my food issues. The antipsychotic I'm on increases my appetite massively, and like you being unable to stop drinking once you start, I now have a problem stopping eating once I start. But, again like you, I'm scared of the health problems that I would have if I kept eating and eating, so I do try to keep my overeating to a minimum but it's damn hard sometimes.