Venting Imagining I'm dying made me feel happy

[freakypossum]

Hi
I'm new on the forum, thought I might post something.

I've been having an extremely difficult time past few days. Earlier today I was just laying in bed staring at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and imagined that I'm drifting away and dying. That honestly for a brief moment made me feel so peaceful and happy like I haven't felt in literal years. It felt so positively overwhelming I just started crying.
Before today when I fantasized about death it was very theoretical, felt bit more distant, this time I somehow made my brain think it's actually happening.
Then I opened my eyes and realised I'm still stuck here.

Sorry if the post is a bit chaotic, english isnt my first language and I am a bit tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

Ceasing to exist would be peace for me as well, all I hope for is to fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep and never suffer ever again, it'd bring me so much relief to cease existing, I understand feeling tired of it all. But anyway I wish you the best.