Imagination Vs. Reality ™️

[Sleeper System]

I remove the reality of suicide from my ideation.
In my eyes, it goes from life to death in a straight line.
Everything else about it seems blurred like tunnel vision.
I have to remind myself that it's actually violently brutal.
In particalur, the aftermath is very stomach churning.
Seeing people die as well as watching someone be killed...
It's a very appalling thing to witness for most people.
The body language says everything about how we subconsciously view the ending of life. We don't like it.

My mind only lets me fool myself after I'm aware of the truth that I'm trying to avoid. For some reason, I like to imagine that time slows down and whatever is happening around you just disappears and it's just you and existence face to face.

I find hearing about people near death experience comforting though. It always seems like some deep profound self reflective realization about everything. The mind is funny.

 

[niki wonoto]

Coincidentally, I often think the exact same phrase: "reality .vs. imagination", which has even made me experienced existential depression (& existential OCD) for a (very) long time, 10 years more. I hate reality so much, because reality is boring, limiting, constraining, bland, dull, stupid, ridiculous, absurd, chaotic, random, meaningless/pointless, trivial, shitty, petty, & depressing. I wish I could live inside (my) imaginations... fuck reality / real world / real life ...