I’m trying to sleep

[AgentOrange]

im trying to sleep but i cant help but to keep thinking about it. i don't want to die but i cant keep living i dont think. im pretty sure im HIV positive. i got tested last week and im waiting on a response but it just scares me. i can't live like that. i won't. i don't know what to tell people. im so sad all the time. my body hurts all the time. my mind hurts all the time. im trying to sleep to feel better or to not feel anything at all but i can't even do that. i wish it will all go away. i want it too.
why am i like this man i just want to feel better again. i haven't felt better for years.