Venting I’m trying to get over her

[ThatStateOfMind]

Im trying so hard to get over her but failing. I'm sorry if I'm annoying you guys, it's always same shit different day with me honestly. Sometimes I feel like I'm venting too much or overstaying my welcome here but maybe that's just my anxiety talking. You guys are genuinely kind people, I think we all are, just in unfortunate circumstances. Anyways I just want to vent right now so I'm gonna continue with that.

Anyways, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get over her. I wish I remembered the username but someone in another thread suggested I just let those feelings exist and not try to break them but it's hard. I wanna break them but I can't. Even if I did, idk what I would do after.

I generally would try to talk to her about my feelings (on a much smaller scale than I do here out of fear that she might try to call the police or something) but I cannot do that today. There's so much on my mind right now. College, the future, life in general and my place in it. I cannot talk to her right now because she asked me not to and I want to respect that.

Her boyfriend will be on her phone helping her get stuff set up for college because she's going as well (one of the reasons I'm stressed about college as I'd be going to the same college as her). She asked me not to message so he doesn't notice that we're speaking. Shes also going to a concert so she's quite busy. I try not to pester her anyways but it was kinda nice having the option of someone to talk to.

Maybe my reliance on her is unhealthy and the reason I can't break it off but it's genuinely a huge help mentally for me, as she's the only one I've been 100% open and honest to. As a result, she talks to me about stuff she doesn't want to talk to her boyfriend about. It's a mutual symbiotic thing going on here.

I'm just so stressed, and I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I just hate this predicament I'm in sometimes, and it feels like there is no "easy way out" besides CTB and I considered that last night and couldn't bring myself to do it, not even close, yet again.

Even talking about this makes it feel like a cloud in my head is clearing, which is a weird sensation.

I just feel so lost if that makes sense to you guys? I miss my ex so much, I have dreams about her, she's in my thought 24/7, or damn near close to it. I'm just trying to force her out of my head and I can't, and I don't even know if I really want to. I feel obligated to. Especially if I go to the same college as her, i don't think it would bode well if I had feelings for her. Maybe if I go to college, I can just dive into studies and keep myself occupied with that, since the major I'm planning is a fairly difficult one (Comp. Sci.), it's not as hard as certain engineering majors, such as aerospace, and I think I've even heard architecture is a difficult major, which I surprisingly didn't expect. My main point is if the major is difficult, I'll have to spend more time on studies, which might be better for me.

I'm just trying to grasp at straws for things to do to stay occupied, and keep my mind off of her. I would maybe try to talk to other people but it would be very unfair to them, and I'm not ready for love again, I don't wanna be hurt like that again any time soon.

Hell, even my uncle is dying. I wasn't really close to him and haven't seen him in many years but his organs are failing, so I might have to go to a funeral soon, and idk if I'm emotionally ready for that.

Anyways, vent over, I appreciate anyone who's read this far. I've thought about writing a TLDR for this but I don't even know how to compress these thoughts in a good way.

I hope you all have a good day, hopefully better than mine, and to those whose day is worse, you are all in my thoughts and I hope it gets better.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

One foot in front of the other.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

One foot in front of the other.

Thanks, I'm trying lol

 

[catastrophix]

I was once in a somewhat similar situation with one of my exes. It was like she was the only thing I thought about. Even to this day, I sometimes have dreams about her, and when I wake up, I feel disgusted with myself. It's a really tough situation to be in, and I'm sorry that you're in this situation to begin with. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel may seem hard or counterproductive at times, but it helped me in the long run, as I eventually stopped thinking about her as much as I used to. Sorry if this doesn't make sense— I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to feel the way you feel, and I hope this weight you carry will one day feel lighter :]

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I was once in a somewhat similar situation with one of my exes. It was like she was the only thing I thought about. Even to this day, I sometimes have dreams about her, and when I wake up, I feel disgusted with myself. It's a really tough situation to be in, and I'm sorry that you're in this situation to begin with. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel may seem hard or counterproductive at times, but it helped me in the long run, as I eventually stopped thinking about her as much as I used to. Sorry if this doesn't make sense— I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to feel the way you feel, and I hope this weight you carry will one day feel lighter :]

Yeah it's tough. I suppose I'm lucky that she still talks to me and wants a friendship, so many of my friends cannot say the same about their exes, so I feel somewhat lucky.

And allowing myself to feel it does hurt a lot, but I don't have any viable solution so it's kinda like I either live in denial, or accept my feelings. Both of which aren't ideal, but one is better. It does make sense and thank you for your kind words.

This is currently a hefty weight on my shoulders and I too hope it will be lightened. I truly hope me and her can reconcile, but as the saying goes "don't put all your eggs in one basket"

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful and hard to deal with being in that situation, life really is so unnecessarily cruel. I think that it's true that in this world anything that is seen as being positive only exists to be taken away and lead to more suffering. But anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

It must be painful and hard to deal with being in that situation, life really is so unnecessarily cruel. I think that it's true that in this world anything that is seen as being positive only exists to be taken away and lead to more suffering. But anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

It honestly is very painful. I relive the happiest moments in my head, and looking at a book of photos she gave me for our 1 year. It helps me, and hurts me. Thanks for your well wishes.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I kinda wish I could just talk to her rn and explain what's going on but alas, it isn't possible. She either fakes caring or really cares, and I do believe it's the latter, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm hoping I can get the chance to talk to her soon though.

 

[SexyIncél]

I would maybe try to talk to other people but it would be very unfair to them, and I'm not ready for love again, I don't wanna be hurt like that again any time soon.

Nothing wrong with just talking. There's no such thing as "a relationship". Or at least I find it personally unhelpful to think in those terms. There's gradations of feelings, you can just get to observe people by interacting with them. Better than tv shows. This lust to find The One or Bust removes possibilities. If she likes to be happy rather than deal with problems, it might even relieve some pressure you put on her

But just my opinion

 

[leavingsoon99]

Man, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I once had feelings for a woman who was with someone else. It's the pits, for sure. All I can do is send you good vibes and well wishes.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Nothing wrong with just talking. There's no such thing as "a relationship". Or at least I find it personally unhelpful to think in those terms. There's gradations of feelings, you can just get to observe people by interacting with them. Better than tv shows. This lust to find The One or Bust removes possibilities. If she likes to be happy rather than deal with problems, it might even relieve some pressure you put on her

But just my opinion

Yeah I suppose so, I'd have to start meeting new people first, which is gonna be a hassle in and of itself, due to social anxiety. If I can bring myself to do it, I might try. I do appreciate your opinion.

Man, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I once had feelings for a woman who was with someone else. It's the pits, for sure. All I can do is send you good vibes and well wishes.

Yeah, no real easy way out of it besides cutting her off. And that's not easy, nor do I feel it's beneficial right now for me and maybe even for her. She has expressed to me that she hates herself for cheating and before she told me, it was eating her alive and she hadn't showered in about a week due to it. I'm just glad she told me sooner rather than later because I already had an idea that that was what was going on.

It wasn't anything crazy but still cheating. It was flirting over messages for 3 days before she broke up with me and got with him. Sucks, but I'll survive. This forum has made me realize I'm not the only one who's been in a situation like this. I still want her back and idek why sometimes. She was still an amazing woman, tbh.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Just an update now, I'm gonna prod and see if we can call tomorrow, hopefully I can vent a little to her, provided she agrees to it (I don't wanna just dump stuff on her, mainly ask for her advice on college and stuff like that).

Anyways it's just a tiny update. I might update tomorrow, unsure yet.

 

[downndone2]

Im sorry. I have been dying of a broken heart disease that'll kill me slowly, it is real. Heartbreak, ruined relationships, and financial devastation make me want to ctb daily

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Im sorry. I have been dying of a broken heart disease that'll kill me slowly, it is real. Heartbreak, ruined relationships, and financial devastation make me want to ctb daily

I feel for you dude, I hope both of our situations improve, I'm trying not to lose hope rn. We both admitted we could see each other working out further down the road, so that's giving me some hope.

 

[Hitakiri]

You're never overstaying your welcome or venting too much. Not here. This is where you come to let it out. It's cathartic. It eases the pent up stress that you feel suffocates you. There will always be people here who will listen, hear you out, and take in what you have to say.

I recently lost my girlfriend of one year, and longtime dearest friend. I intimately know the struggle you're going through. It's invasive. She haunts you in everything you do. Everything reminds you of her. I'm sure you're in love with her, but settle for friendship, as she's taken. There's certainly love there, at any rate. You wouldn't feel this strongly otherwise. You feel most alive when you're useful to her. You help her through her issues, and she's your truest friend. The only one you can share anything and everything with. Your reliance on her sounds obsessive compulsive. Major co-dependency. Some things, we never really move on from. But there's a saying - "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." If she's your only source of happiness, you won't find peace in anything without her. Find something you enjoy doing. Multiple things. Busy yourself, and let yourself at least try to enjoy things. Reach out to people, make connections. New friends. Even online. Vent here as often as you'd like. It helps, it's an outlet. As for your feelings towards her? Investing in things besides her, will slowly diminish your investment in her. She'll always have a place in your heart. Accept that. Cherish the fond memories you made. Don't turn the thought of her into poison, or you'll only be poisoning herself. Don't try to excise the thought, you know it won't work. Move forward, remembering and valuing where you came from, and who you met along the way. It's all any of us can do, really.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

You're never overstaying your welcome or venting too much. Not here. This is where you come to let it out. It's cathartic. It eases the pent up stress that you feel suffocates you. There will always be people here who will listen, hear you out, and take in what you have to say.

I recently lost my girlfriend of one year, and longtime dearest friend. I intimately know the struggle you're going through. It's invasive. She haunts you in everything you do. Everything reminds you of her. I'm sure you're in love with her, but settle for friendship, as she's taken. There's certainly love there, at any rate. You wouldn't feel this strongly otherwise. You feel most alive when you're useful to her. You help her through her issues, and she's your truest friend. The only one you can share anything and everything with. Your reliance on her sounds obsessive compulsive. Major co-dependency. Some things, we never really move on from. But there's a saying - "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." If she's your only source of happiness, you won't find peace in anything without her. Find something you enjoy doing. Multiple things. Busy yourself, and let yourself at least try to enjoy things. Reach out to people, make connections. New friends. Even online. Vent here as often as you'd like. It helps, it's an outlet. As for your feelings towards her? Investing in things besides her, will slowly diminish your investment in her. She'll always have a place in your heart. Accept that. Cherish the fond memories you made. Don't turn the thought of her into poison, or you'll only be poisoning herself. Don't try to excise the thought, you know it won't work. Move forward, remembering and valuing where you came from, and who you met along the way. It's all any of us can do, really.

Thanks, and my ex was also with me for a little over a year. And my thoughts probably are compulsive, I have PTSD related attachment issues, I get overly attached to things and people easily. Not something that I've been able to break unfortunately. I'm settling for friendship but I do hope for something more. I'm just fine being friends though. She is a very dear friend and one of the only people I'm still close with after high school. I'm thinking about going to college to both better myself and keep my mind occupied.

I might even dislike certain things at college and vent them here, who knows lol. But hopefully I will lose most of the dependency there and find new friends, maybe my friendship with her can still remain, maybe it can flourish into something more but I know right now that isn't ideal for either of us.

 

[dope]

I had the same problem with my ex. But if you keep her close and talk to her al a friend you will never get over her. Its difficult to take dictance you could Block her on everything. Or start a fight with her and se blocks you or ask her for your own mental health to Block you ignore you

 

[BBBB]

"But if you keep her close and talk to her al a friend you will never get over her. Its difficult to take dictance you could Block her on everything"

AGREE!!!

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I had the same problem with my ex. But if you keep her close and talk to her al a friend you will never get over her. Its difficult to take dictance you could Block her on everything. Or start a fight with her and se blocks you or ask her for your own mental health to Block you ignore you

Maybe, and this may sound bad, but I don't think I want to get over her yet. It's a weird conundrum where I both do and I don't at the same time. My mental health will likely neither improve or decline if I do cut her off, at least not in any drastic way.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Maybe, and this may sound bad, but I don't think I want to get over her yet. It's a weird conundrum where I both do and I don't at the same time. My mental health will likely neither improve or decline if I do cut her off, at least not in any drastic way.

But your post says ' I'm trying ' you're obviously aren't really. Why do you keep hurting yourself? She moved on, I think you try to hold on to much on what was. If you really want to get over her , it's time to let go...(and yes, believe me I know how hard that is, but not as hard as what you're doing to yourself now)

Wisdom and hug to you.

 

[SexyIncél]

Or start a fight with her and she blocks you

If he agrees, hope OP chooses one of your other 2 options. Your actions create you. Sneaky betrayals create a sneaky betrayer. Only useful when your companion becomes your dangerous enemy. Start a new life by being noble. Until you need to fight dirty

Then after her boyfriend cheats on her so much that they name a new venereal disease after him, maybe she'll learn how cruel this world is. That there's worse things than your dumb mistakes

Maybe she lets her bf humiliate her out of guilt for cheating? Or maybe we don't hear about her flaws, like she's a bit oblivious or self-deceiving?