Venting I'm trapped

[jbear824]

I want to ctb. Have wanted to since I was seven. So much has happened to me that has only fed that desire.

The latest life development that has furthered this desire is housing. Me, my friend and my partner are going to lose our home. We have no way of moving or getting a new place. We are going to be homeless. Like I mean, tents and sleeping bags homeless. With no way out of it. We just don't make enough money, even though me and my friend get Social security and my partner works part time. (I can't work because of severe and chronic mental illness.) It's just not enough. Also, none of us can drive. So I'm not even sure where we can go once we're made to leave.

My friend is 65. I don't think she'll last long in homelessness. So I'm probably going to have to watch her lose the will to live and die. And my partner is younger than me, on the autism spectrum and is not capable of being independent. He relies on me. Without me, he has no one. If he's left all on his own, he will die too.

I can't ctb because they need me and would devastated and lost without me and I hate it. Because it means I'm trapped. It means my brain has something to attach itself to to keep me alive. And I hate it.

But living means watching these people suffer a life of destitution and either being killed by the elements or other natural causes.

I have no idea how to survive without benefits. And a certain political party in the US is intent on getting rid of gov assistamce. So we may not even have these benefits for much longer. or how to survive out in the wilderness. I can't keep me or my loved ones safe. I don't want to watch my loved ones starve or freeze to death. I don't want to experience those things.

I want out but I can't. I'm trapped and I'm just in so much pain. And the world couldn't care less, but then also denies me access to quick painless death. Instead I have to suffer. I have to watch other people suffer.

I'm so fucking terrified. I cry and have panic attacks everyday. I can't even talk about my feelings to my providers because I don't want to be separated from my friend and partner by being hospitalized only to potentially not be here when we have to move out and never see them again.

I feel sick everyday because of the dread, anxiety and panic over how trapped I feel. Over my life sentence of suffering that lies ahead of me. It's not fair. I just want to be done.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Aren't there any support services in the area in which you live that can find you and your friends a new place to live? It's usually called something like Job and Family Services or something like that.

And a certain political party in the US is intent on getting rid of gov assistamce. So we may not even have these benefits for much longer. or how to survive out in the wilderness.

That "certain" political party would certainly like to do that, but they'd be in for a very rude awakening if they ever got enough power to try and do something so extreme. Once the population sees people dying in the streets in their own neighborhoods, I believe that would be the end of them. I'm already waiting right now for the coat-hanger aborted fetuses to start showing up in the alleys and children on their way to school to start finding them.

 

[jbear824]

Aren't there any support services in the area in which you live that can find you and your friends a new place to live? It's usually called something like Job and Family Services or something like that.


That "certain" political party would certainly like to do that, but they'd be in for a very rude awakening if they ever got enough power to try and do something so extreme. Once the population sees people dying in the streets in their own neighborhoods, I believe that would be the end of them. I'm already waiting right now for the coat-hanger aborted fetuses to start showing up in the alleys and children on their way to school to start finding them.

I do receive some social services, but as far as housing goes, they've basically told me that unless I'm willing to ditch my friend and partner, they can't help me. And since none of us are related, we face legal barriers to getting gov or state housing together. So either we afford something out of pocket, or we're screwed.

And since none of us can drive, we can't really get to any more affordable areas in our state. We're stuck in the area we're in, but we can't afford to live here.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I do receive some social services, but as far as housing goes, they've basically told me that unless I'm willing to ditch my friend and partner, they can't help me. And since none of us are related, we face legal barriers to getting gov or state housing together. So either we afford something out of pocket, or we're screwed.

And since none of us can drive, we can't really get to any more affordable areas in our state. We're stuck in the area we're in, but we can't afford to live here.

I can understand what you're saying. Definitely a hard spot. Any chance of coming up with some cheap Greyhound fare and getting to a cheaper part of the state? I'm not trying to be funny here, but if worse comes to worse and you end up homeless, find out where your mayor lives and go camp out on his/her lawn.

I know this isn't going to help you, but in my area, there is housing where the rent is entirely based off of your income. Even if your income is ridiculously low, say like $300 per month, your rent would only be like $30 or $33. Of course, there's like a 1-1/2 year waiting period to even get into one one of those apartments.

Maybe this country is so shitty that they don't even care when someone ends up on the street.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

It really sucks how much money it takes to live in this world. Worse yet it the programs that are supposed to help the less fortunate also stop if you make too much. So either you make just barely enough money to scrape by and don't qualify for aid, or you don't make anything and the programs give you just barely enough to scrape by. It's so hard to be prosperous in this world when everything just wants to slap you down. Hopefully you find some way to get by because you could use a win.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really is such a horrible situation, it's certainly such a hellish world we exist in where people have to suffer in such a way, it must be torturous what you have to endure. But anyway best wishes.