Venting Im tired of screwing up

[Néncel]

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Im a good person, I truly do, but If I really was then how comes so many people end up hating me... Either Im a horrible person deep inside or Im so weak Im constantly manipulated by others, and in any case... How pathetic lol
I really tried to do things good this time, but things went awfully, and I didnt even have the courage or will to stand up for myself once the lying and the insults started
There are lots of people that love in my live but I cant help but feel like I must be manipulating them or otherwise they wont be feeling that way. Its only a matter of time before they end up realizing how horrible I truly am. I will hurt them and I dont want to. I wonder If anyone else feels this exact way...

 

[orca87]

Not sure if that helps. But if you don't have evil intentions, you're probably not a bad person.

It's just that you might act weird and find yourself in situations that you feel you lose control over. This can lead to unintended and undesirable outcomes and adverse reactions.

Try to identify these patterns. If you acted "bad" in one way or the other, try nit to judge yourself, but find out why you felt like you had no other choice.

You might be able to fix the behaviors to truly become the good person that you want to be but it might also be the case that you cannot overcome it. In either way, its worth a try