i'm terrified of losing my friend group.

[enjoy]

for those of you who haven't seen my prior thread, here's a quick little recap of my life at the moment:
a little over a week ago, i was academically dismissed from my college. though i've aptly coped by admitting myself to a community college in order to stay caught up with my friends, i'm worried that they're going to move on and make all sorts of new memories without me. i plan to visit them every weekend (starting in about two days) and, in the best-case scenario, i'll be back full-time for the fall semester. my rapidly-declining mental health played a big role in why i failed, but these friends are also the first real friends i've ever had (my high school was full of spoiled, entitled assholes who treated me like shit for refusing to be a clone). because of how excited i was to be part of a genuine group of awesome people, i valued them over my academics. i didn't realize what i did was wrong until it was too late, even though i always had it in the back of my mind as we'd aimlessly wander around the city at, like, 3 a.m.

now, all my friends are back up at my college. i'm not, of course. my entire friend group is hanging out without me at the moment and i'm hurting terribly. my best friend says she "feels dead" because i'm not there. just about everyone misses me a lot. i feel awful. i don't want to ctb because of it, but it's causing me a great deal of emotional anguish. i'll be there 3 days of the week, but they'll all see each other on a daily basis. i heavily fear that i won't be able to stay "caught up" in the circle and they'll end up ditching me. i know they love me and i'm almost positive they wouldn't do something like that, but the unreasonable part of my brain is making a valid point. people can drastically change on a whim.

like i said in the recap, i've enrolled in a community college so that even if i won't be attending the same college as my friends for a little bit, i'll be able to come back and eventually graduate with them. i'm also going to a real-live therapist and a real-live psychiatrist for basically the first time ever (the consultation's next friday!). i feel like i'm coping properly (and my friends are really excited and proud of me for taking care of myself) and maintaining a positive attitude without forcing it, but i can't help but drown in all the anxiety and irrational thoughts i'm experiencing. i can't help but worry about all the what-ifs. everyone really misses me, but will they still really miss me by the time the spring semester is over? will they shrug off my existence and bond with each other, leaving me in the dust... or will they remind each other that i'm coming back and leave my metaphorical seat open?

what do you guys think? is there anything else i can do? i'm going to see them every weekend from friday night to sunday afternoon. is three days a week enough to reinforce my existence? commuter students are able to maintain relationships with students who live on campus, and they're only there for a few hours each day... for classes. don't i technically have a better shot than those guys? i'm also taking care of myself, which'll show my friends that i have even further initiative to return as the best version of myself.

thoughts? i really need help right now. i'm starting to get better, but this is the one thing i'm still fretting about like crazy. thanks in advance.

tldr: i've been temporarily kicked out of college. i'm going to be visiting my friends weekly. they really care about me and miss me more than anything (one of them "feels dead" because i'm not there), but i'm worried that they're all eventually going to forget about or give up on me. am i thinking irrationally?

 

[WhyIsLife56]

You could let them know about it. If they're really your true friends, they'll understand.

 

[Cevapcici]

Mmm ... You can't really interfiere with what is and what isn't meant to happen . Don't force things, and don't "run after people"...you can't force a friendship to go on, if those people genuinely care about you, they will leave your "metaphorical seat open ". A glimpse into your thinking makes me feel you suffer from codependency/ extreme fear of abandonment issues ... It's okay to want a social life, and friends who care about you, but you shouldn't be " terrified " at the idea that a friendship can end, it's never healthy. It seems like it's taking so much space in your mind, that you're overwhelmed by it ... Only time will show who is worthy of sticking around in your life . Always put yourself first !

 

[pole]

you're already doing enough, honestly. alot of people who drift apart and stop talking all together our age because of "school" is bs to me. there's always time for you to reach out to someone you had a bond with; it doesn't hurt nor does it cost anything.

so many in you're position would just settle and not care, think it'll be fine. but you going the extra mile to still see them, feel so strongly about this shows me you have a genuine bond with them, especially if this bond that's felt has been reciprocated by you're friends towards you. that type of bond won't be broken easily. whenever you do feel tense and anxious, just remember the type of bond and relationship you have with them, cause it isn't just a normal bond. to me, it's stronger than just a regular bond and that alone should help you believe that it'll be okay.

i had this with a couple friend groups. fairly closer with the one of them though, and sadly things happened and we drifted this past year and i took that real genuine connection for granted and now i'm alone and it hurts more than anything and i wish i didn't take for granted the connection of real friendships. and it seems you aren't making the mistake i did, even though it was out of my control.

it'll be okay. take care.

 

[pole]

you're already doing enough, honestly. alot of people who drift apart and stop talking all together our age because of "school" is bs to me. there's always time for you to reach out to someone you had a bond with; it doesn't hurt nor does it cost anything.

so many in you're position would just settle and not care, think it'll be fine. but you going the extra mile to still see them, feel so strongly about this shows me you have a genuine bond with them, especially if this bond that's felt has been reciprocated by you're friends towards you. that type of bond won't be broken easily. whenever you do feel tense and anxious, just remember the type of bond and relationship you have with them, cause it isn't just a normal bond. to me, it's stronger than just a regular bond and that alone should help you believe that it'll be okay.

i had this with a couple friend groups. fairly closer with the one of them though, and sadly things happened and we drifted this past year and i took that real genuine connection for granted and now i'm alone and it hurts more than anything and i wish i didn't take for granted the connection of real friendships. and it seems you aren't making the mistake i did, even though it was out of my control.

it'll be okay. take care.

 

[TAW122]

I agree with many people on here, you are doing all that you can and yes, like @Hasssssuùuu said, if those friends are real friends, then they wouldn't ghost or give up on you simply because you aren't there in their circles anymore. I do believe that people like those are hard to come by though, at least from my experience. I hope everything works out for you.