I’m suicidal but...

[anonbpdgirl]

I'm incredibly suicidal. I just want to end this stupid pain. I feel no hope or lightness in my future or this world.

I want to die.

But I really can't hurt my partner. It will destroy him. He's the only good and constant and real thing I have, and he loves me a lot too.

Please. I don't know what to do anymore and I'm desperate.

How do I end my pain, without causing so much for someone I love so dearly?

 

[Chalken]

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a way. I wish to pass without hurting my family as well, but I think pain is inevitable if they care about you. I guess all we can do is spend our last days with those we love, so once you're gone, they can look back and cherish those memories. Though, for me, it's hard to spend time with my family when you're in the depths of your despair. I just want to isolate myself from everyone.

As much as I want to estrange myself from my close ones or make them hate me before death to lessen their pain, I think it'd just leave them even more confused.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're both suffering. Unfortunately, choosing to CTB will profoundly affect those around you. You can, however, try your best to minimize the pain by CTBing more peacefully. How would you two like to CTB?

 

[Kodama]

Same 4 me ... lucky ones the lonely guys

 

[noctiva]

I'm sorry, I cannot answer your question well.
I think @Chalken is right though, breaking up and estranging yourself will not be a good plan. It will lead to confusion, then sadness about losing you as a partner, and then loss of you as a loved human being. You're not taking the pain away through this method, you're just spacing it out over a larger time.

I am happy that you have someone in your life who loves you so much. Be kind to yourself and think your options through. I want to compliment you on you compassion and love for your partner and your ability to consider the effects of your actions on him.

Same 4 me ... lucky ones the lonely guys

I am one of the lonely guys, I live alone, no one comes to my home, no one calls me, no one messages. That doesn't make me lucky at all. It means that there is no love in my life, no one cares when I die. I will be found because I either start to smell badly or because the bank starts to look for me because I haven't paid my loans. This is precisely the reason why I want to CtB.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a way. I wish to pass without hurting my family as well, but I think pain is inevitable if they care about you. I guess all we can do is spend our last days with those we love, so once you're gone, they can look back and cherish those memories. Though, for me, it's hard to spend time with my family when you're in the depths of your despair. I just want to isolate myself from everyone.

As much as I want to estrange myself from my close ones or make them hate me before death to lessen their pain, I think it'd just leave them even more confused.

So essentially, there is no hope for me. :(

I'm so sorry to hear that you're both suffering. Unfortunately, choosing to CTB will profoundly affect those around you. You can, however, try your best to minimize the pain by CTBing more peacefully. How would you two like to CTB?

Oh no, it is just me who wants to CTB.

I'm sorry, I cannot answer your question well.
I think @Chalken is right though, breaking up and estranging yourself will not be a good plan. It will lead to confusion, then sadness about losing you as a partner, and then loss of you as a loved human being. You're not taking the pain away through this method, you're just spacing it out over a larger time.

I am happy that you have someone in your life who loves you so much. Be kind to yourself and think your options through. I want to compliment you on you compassion and love for your partner and your ability to consider the effects of your actions on him.


I am one of the lonely guys, I live alone, no one comes to my home, no one calls me, no one messages. That doesn't make me lucky at all. It means that there is no love in my life, no one cares when I die. I will be found because I either start to smell badly or because the bank starts to look for me because I haven't paid my loans. This is precisely the reason why I want to CtB.

I understand that. I don't think either of us have got it easy lol.

 

[Kodama]

I am one of the lonely guys, I live alone, no one comes to my home, no one calls me, no one messages. That doesn't make me lucky at all. It means that there is no love in my life, no one cares when I die. I will be found because I either start to smell badly or because the bank starts to look for me because I haven't paid my loans. This is precisely the reason why I want to CtB.

I understand your point of course and I'm really sorry for you... but believe me, if you want to CTB, it's better to be alone in term of guilt.
I have 2 children, a lovely GF, some good friends... I feel trapped !
Life is a bitch

 

[LastWhisper]

Is CTB the only way for you?

 

[CrushedHopes]

Oh no, it is just me who wants to CTB.

Sorry. I should have worded my post better - I meant to ask how would you and Chalken like to CTB (since you're both suffering); I wasn't referring to your SO.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

Is CTB the only way for you?

It seems like it. I'm trying to access therapy, but the NHS waiting lists are years long if you can even get on them.

Sorry. I should have worded my post better - I meant to ask how would you and Chalken like to CTB (since you're both suffering); I wasn't referring to your SO.

Oh haha! Sorry, lol. My chosen method is SN, I guess. Seems like the most accessible, but the longer I wait, the less likely it seems it will be available...

 

[noctiva]

I understand your point of course and I'm really sorry for you... but believe me, if you want to CTB, it's better to be alone in term of guilt.
I have 2 children, a lovely GF, some good friends... I feel trapped !
Life is a bitch

Hei, don't worry. I know people have different reasons to CtB. If I had a significant other who loved me, I wouldn't CtB. For me, it doesn't matter if everything else falls apart, if the world is on fire, as long as I can go home and be with my family, personally I wouldn't go anywhere. But different people have different ideas an opinions on what is worth having in life, so I don't judge you at all! But for me, being lonely and rejected, being told I'm not wanted in the family that I consider my family, that is enough.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Oh haha! Sorry, lol. My chosen method is SN, I guess. Seems like the most accessible, but the longer I wait, the less likely it seems it will be available...

Great choice. It's an affordable and peaceful CTB method. There's no need to rush - SN legality isn't going to change any time soon. Just think things over and decide if you *really* want to go through with this. Whatever your choice may be, we are here to support you. I wish you well.

 

[Chalken]

Sorry. I should have worded my post better - I meant to ask how would you and Chalken like to CTB (since you're both suffering); I wasn't referring to your SO.

I think I'm going with partial hanging, since I can't order SN to my country. I want to do it at home, but I don't really want my family to find my corpse. I dunno.

 

[Life+me=error]

If you are 50/50 always choose life.

Later, death is still an option but coming back from the dead not so much.

 

[trynacbt]

I left my ex as soon as the suicidal thoughts kicked in incessantly. In my case I needed to in order to have the opportunity to attempt, but it caused a lot of pain for both of us. I can't say if my leaving will ultimately help cushion the blow of my ctb. But this way at least he's had a few months to try to move on. I don't know, OP, this stuff really isn't easy. My heart has been broken for 5 months, and unfortunately I will not die in peace.