I've been quiet for a few weeks. My partner decided our relationship was a failure and left. He didn't have the energy to fight anymore. Fight for me not against me. We're attempting to be friends but I can hear in his voice he doesn't care. I finally pushed him away enough so that he doesn't care if I live or die. I fight for him weakly. I always do. I love him. Please spare me the "find someone better who deserves you" stuff. When he left it seemed like anyone else who cared did too. Mainly his brother who really I felt got me and was routing for us. Unfortunately said brother is married to my narcissistic cousin. Who systematically broke me for 5 years. Unfortunately most people think she's an angel and who am I to disagree.
I'm spiritually minded, and Wiccan. I've tried to understand that this is all part of my journey and that I should carry on fighting. But I have no energy left. I keep helping myself but it's not enough. AND NO ON, NOT A BLOODY SOUL GETS THAT!!!! It's all do this, try that, look at this website, do that course. The media is so full of hyped up shit about recognising the signs and being kind and we're listening and don't filter feelings. It's all bullshit. So I'm done. And I wish I could ask everyone where were they? I reached out. I did everything I was supposed to. I was honest. I focused on me. I focused on loving myself. But none of it makes a difference. Because I'm too dark for anyone to cope with. I'm just a subject of jokes and mockery and gossip. And I'm done. The only fear I have is that some higher power won't 'let' me die. I want to die. There are no more options. I've exhausted them all. So to whoever, God, angels, whatever please just let me die. In peace. Thank you. Sadly I have to wait for everything I need for CTB. The irony is I have complete freedom. No one cares enough to check on me or check my post. Or keep an eye on me. This isn't depression talking. This is my reality. Everyone leaves. I'm not a victim or a martyr. I've accepted my destiny. Thanks for listening.
I'm spiritually minded, and Wiccan. I've tried to understand that this is all part of my journey and that I should carry on fighting. But I have no energy left. I keep helping myself but it's not enough. AND NO ON, NOT A BLOODY SOUL GETS THAT!!!! It's all do this, try that, look at this website, do that course. The media is so full of hyped up shit about recognising the signs and being kind and we're listening and don't filter feelings. It's all bullshit. So I'm done. And I wish I could ask everyone where were they? I reached out. I did everything I was supposed to. I was honest. I focused on me. I focused on loving myself. But none of it makes a difference. Because I'm too dark for anyone to cope with. I'm just a subject of jokes and mockery and gossip. And I'm done. The only fear I have is that some higher power won't 'let' me die. I want to die. There are no more options. I've exhausted them all. So to whoever, God, angels, whatever please just let me die. In peace. Thank you. Sadly I have to wait for everything I need for CTB. The irony is I have complete freedom. No one cares enough to check on me or check my post. Or keep an eye on me. This isn't depression talking. This is my reality. Everyone leaves. I'm not a victim or a martyr. I've accepted my destiny. Thanks for listening.
