I'm sorry. I'm such a failure.

[Brackenshire]

Glad yr back sweetie

 

[Spitfire]

This was a nice thing to hear about.. and I am happy for you!

 

[WaitingWesting]

Sending u much love

 

[Jumper Geo]

Glad you neverr CTB but all them Like, loves and hugs do you feel like you should keep them, lol only winding you up, lol many of us will have the dreaded SI pop up in the final moments it's not easy to overcome but hang around and get as much information from us and the resources page and be prepared for the future.

Best wishes

Cheers

Geo

 

[Good4Nothing]

Welcome back!
No need to apologise. I know it's scary.
That's why I haven't been able to do it for 30 years. I'm scared, too. Nothing wrong with that.
Don't go through with it 100 times more - no one here will think any less of you. You're always welcome back.

 

[Silver]

No need to apologise @sadworld, you're not a failure. Ctb is certainly a hard thing to do and there's no shame in backing out. I'm glad you're giving recovery a chance, I hope it works for you and your life improves

 

[tidalwxves]

I hate myself so fucking much. I was supposed to ctb yesterday. I made my goodbye thread, took all my meds and 15 minutes before I should have taken my SN my brain suddenly told me not to do it. I began being scared, i was freezing, I didn't want to die. It didn't make any sense. I planned this for months and I was 100% sure I would ctb... I'm so sorry everyone. I'm so fucking sorry for making my goodbye thread and telling you I'll ctb. I was 100% sure about it but in the last moments everything changed... I feel like a fucking attention whore. I don't deserve to be around you guys. You guys gave me so much love but I'm just such an idiot. I'm going to take a break from this forum for some time until I finally made up my mind if I either want to recover or ctb. The last months I only thought about the moment I'll ctb and never about possible recovery. Maybe it was just the environment because it was cold outside and i was feeling really uncomfortable. I'm totally fine with getting hate posts, I deserve them. I want to give recovery a last chance because apparently I still have hope. If my last try with recovery fails then I'll try to make peace with dying as good as possible. Something like that will never happen again. I'm sorry. I'm a fucking idiot for playing with your emotions. Maybe I just have to suffer forever cause I'm still a fucking 19 year old child.

You don't deserve hate posts, I'm sorry to hear you are in so much pain. You have so many options and not being sure about this one doesn't reflect poorly on you. You are allowed to take your time, you are allowed to change your mind. I proud of you for speaking up, that it the first step to figuring out what you want and what is best for you. I hope this forum can be a place for you to learn and grow and make competent decisions. This is a place where people will understand and listen, you don't have to rush.

 

[puppy9]

@sadworld no need to apologize dear. Love you

 

[LonelyDude15]

No need to apologize, it's your life and we'll support you either way.

 

[whywere]

You are NOT a failure at all. Like thters have mentioned here, it is your life and I am GLAD that you are giving it a 2nd go.Please always remember that YOU should make YOUR OWN decisions and NOT be influenced by anyone or any site/thing period. CTB is the most personal of decisions period. I have chronic 24/7 pain and if the time comes where the aspect of quantity vs quality of my life is more quantity then ctb is on the table, but it is MY decision and nobody elses.My 100% wish for you is all the love,caring and empathy that we all have here for you and again, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE PERIOD. All the love and caring and empathy for you from all of us, your global family!!

 

[Yiyo123]

Don't be sorry. Be glad that you still alive and make some people happy. So now you know that people care about your well being.

Your young, you have a life ahead of you. Give yourself a chance to get better. Get help. Be well and safe!!!

 

[AJ95]

It's okay, you're not a failure

Welcome back <3

 

[It'sNotLookingGood]

Please don't feel bad! I'm sure everyone here who has even the slightest degree of empathy, can can understand<3

Suicide is no easy choice, and maybe Sunday was not the right time for you<3

Sending you peace and love<3 You are always welcome here<3 Personally, selfishly, I am glad you are still with us<3 You are genuine<3

 

[Deleted member 23009]

No matter if you decide to go through with it or if you will recover, we will be here for you. You're not an idiot or anything like that. Don't feel sorry or apologize. I think you're brave for being open about all of this and you shouldn't look down on yourself or blame yourself. I hope you won't be gone for too long because for the small time I've been here I've liked your posts and found you interesting! I understand if you need time though, and you should take all the time you need to gather your thoughts. We'll be here whenever you need us. That's my impression of this forum at least. I hope you're somewhat okay and I sincerely hope you find some peace with yourself soon

 

[Sensei]

I think it was your subconscious telling you that your time has not come. Deep down inside you really want to live and I think that is something you shouldn't suppress. Anyway, welcome back to the land of the living.

 

[Delia]

dw, same thing happened to me, honestly don't think you're a failure over such a turn of event just make the best out of that decision instead

 

[sadworld]

I think it was your subconscious telling you that your time has not come. Deep down inside you really want to live and I think that is something you shouldn't suppress. Anyway, welcome back to the land of the living.

Yeah, I am giving recovery a last try. We'll see how that goes...

 

[Breadbfra]

I'm so happy you're still here. You didn't do anything wrong and absoloutely not a failure...nobody is, after all. It's pretty natural to have your SI kick in, don't blame yourself :) I hope everything is going to fix soon. Take your time to recover, buddy :)

 

[BipolarGuy]

I hate myself so fucking much. I was supposed to ctb yesterday. I made my goodbye thread, took all my meds and 15 minutes before I should have taken my SN my brain suddenly told me not to do it. I began being scared, i was freezing, I didn't want to die. It didn't make any sense. I planned this for months and I was 100% sure I would ctb... I'm so sorry everyone. I'm so fucking sorry for making my goodbye thread and telling you I'll ctb. I was 100% sure about it but in the last moments everything changed... I feel like a fucking attention whore. I don't deserve to be around you guys. You guys gave me so much love but I'm just such an idiot. I'm going to take a break from this forum for some time until I finally made up my mind if I either want to recover or ctb. The last months I only thought about the moment I'll ctb and never about possible recovery. Maybe it was just the environment because it was cold outside and i was feeling really uncomfortable. I'm totally fine with getting hate posts, I deserve them. I want to give recovery a last chance because apparently I still have hope. If my last try with recovery fails then I'll try to make peace with dying as good as possible. Something like that will never happen again. I'm sorry. I'm a fucking idiot for playing with your emotions. Maybe I just have to suffer forever cause I'm still a fucking 19 year old child.

Don't worry about not going ahead.
I had the same on Saturday. Although in my case friends were the main reason I didn't go ahead.

Regardless of what some people on this website may say, you're not a failure for not ending your own life!

You should have seen the reaction I got in my thread!

My PM inbox is always open to you.
The good ones on this site should get together and support each other.

 

[sadworld]

Don't worry about not going ahead.
I had the same on Saturday. Although in my case friends were the main reason I didn't go ahead.

Regardless of what some people on this website may say, you're not a failure for not ending your own life!

You should have seen the reaction I got in my thread!

My PM inbox is always open to you.
The good ones on this site should get together and support each other.

Thank you so much! Yeah, I saw your thread and that's the reason why I was scared to post this.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Thank you so much! Yeah, I saw your thread and that's the reason why I was scared to post this.

You mean you saw the reaction I got on my thread after I backed out, and it made you afraid of backing out because of the reaction you'd get from some people on this site?

Just checking I've understood correctly?

 

[sadworld]

You mean you saw the reaction I got on my thread after I backed out, and it made you afraid of backing out because of the reaction you'd get from some people on this site?

Just checking I've understood correctly?

Yes, you understood correctly. I thought people would tell me that I'm an idiot for playing with their emotions.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

No need to apologise at all. You're definitely not a failure or idiot. Horns up.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Yes, you understood correctly. I thought people would tell me that I'm an idiot for playing with their emotions.

Well that is exactly what happened in my thread.

Admittedly in my case I uploaded another thread the day before, but of course that does not justify the reaction or what was said, as others correctly pointed out.
This is supposed to be a peer to peer support forum, not a pro-suicide website.

Can you send me a PM?

 

[Breadbfra]

Yes, you understood correctly. I thought people would tell me that I'm an idiot for playing with their emotions.

I wish all the idiots playing with my emotions were like you lmao, you're absoloutely fine mate

 

[2Headpats4You]

I'm seemingly in an almost identical position. I did not expect suicide paralysis at any time. I also planned to kms at a specific date earlier this year as you can read in my most recent post. I felt very ready the whole day until the rope was around my neck. I still plan to kms soon. Unexpected suicide paralysis is a real thing.

 

[Panna]

I had thought you were gone, until I saw this thread. I know that this is late, but I'm glad you're still around, we haven't really interacted much but you're yet another person who is always all over the ss threads and it would be weird to see you stop posting. Parroting everyone else, you're not a failure, those things do happen, and I'm happy that you didn't just vanish afterwards. Welcome back.

 

[toms_space_station]

Hey there Glad to know you're still with us!