I’m so ugly that seeing myself just makes me angry

[Siamese Believe]

I can at least ignore it a little bit better when I don't have to look at myself. But getting reminded of the true extent of my ugliness fills me with fury.

Still haven't fully decided my method, I hate this body so much that stabbing myself to death seems easy at times.

You know when I think about how I'll never have the great life full of love and prosperity that attractive neurotypical people get, it feels very easy to overcome SI.

But yes I know, I know it's a horrific method. I'm still trying to think of another way. Time is all I have anyways, I'll figure something out.

 

[F@#$]

I keep all the mirrors in my house covered.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I keep all the mirrors in my house covered.

You too? I do the same, there's just no reason to put myself through that.

 

[Sphinxi]

I keep all the mirrors in my house covered.

I do as well. When I look at myself in the mirror, I get an uncanny feeling, as if I'm not looking at a human. It makes me unreasonably upset, so I leave them covered.

 

[NutOrat]

For me it's very different at different times, like sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like "Huh, I'm not that much of an abomination after all", but then other times, particularly when the stubble grows out a bit, hair's greasy and the allergy has spiked I look like a bum or a drug addict. All the undesirable features become that much more noticeable. Also from the front angle it's not so bad, but you know those stupid angled mirrors at the gym where you can see yourself from behind and the sides? Yeah, fuck those, they show me how bad my balding has gotten, I don't want to ever think about that...

Anyway, I feel you on this, the vast majority of time I despise my appearance. I don't know how it is for you, but when in public I sometimes visualize in my head how I look from the third person's perspective, and it's usually much more flattering than the real deal Like I'd get a glimpse of myself in the bus' window and go "Damn, what a freaking gremlin! Do I really look like that? Ew!". I guess just don't focus on it too much and remember that people *usually* don't notice as many of your "flaws" as you do.

 

[sweetdrowning]

Lately I've just been wearing a mask and covering my face with my hair. I get this. Any sensation that reminds me I'm in this body makes me want to destroy it.

 

[peacefulsleepnow]

I avoid mirrors and reflective windows.

 

[darksouls]

I keep all the mirrors in my house covered.

I dont own any mirrors

 

[BillyBob]

I do not look in the mirror at all anymore. Body dysmorphia is not fun.
The other issue is the likes of taking a shower and having to touch your own body. Hate that feeling.

 

[F@#$]

You too? I do the same, there's just no reason to put myself through that.

I guess the only ones not covered are beer advertisement mirrors.

 

[Daphne]

If little kids look scared or run at the sight of you, then yes, you might be ugly

 

[39hatsune]

so sorry you feel that way, i am sure you are more beautiful than you know

i havent been able to leave the house without makeup in years now

 

[ZaydenX]

I too have a bad relationship with mirrors and even when I walk down the street I avoid looking at my reflection in shop windows.

 

[NutOrat]

If little kids look scared or run at the sight of you, then yes, you might be ugly

Funny story, I HATE when I have to walk behind someone, especially if it's someone younger or a woman, because I am automatically assumed to be a creep or a malicious person due to my appearance. One time I was walking home from uni and I don't remember why, but I was feeling really shitty, so my face was pretty lifeless. I was walking behind two middle schoolers I think, and you know when you're walking just slightly faster than the person in front of you but not enough to outpass them? Yeah, one of the boys looked behind at the moment when I was right next to them (it was also winter and icy so I was afraid to go too fast not to slip), and he jumped and screamed so viscerally at the sight of me, and I was so out of it it took me a good second or two to pick up what was going on XD Anyway, I fucking hate when people look behind at me in terror, so I usually try to sometimes even run past others just not to be behind them...

 

[kufajoy]

I can feel you ;)
I feel im trapped in a different body and ik it sounds silly but avoiding mirror helps. Best of luck

 

[39hatsune]

Funny story, I HATE when I have to walk behind someone, especially if it's someone younger or a woman, because I am automatically assumed to be a creep or a malicious person due to my appearance. One time I was walking home from uni and I don't remember why, but I was feeling really shitty, so my face was pretty lifeless. I was walking behind two middle schoolers I think, and you know when you're walking just slightly faster than the person in front of you but not enough to outpass them? Yeah, one of the boys looked behind at the moment when I was right next to them (it was also winter and icy so I was afraid to go too fast not to slip), and he jumped and screamed so viscerally at the sight of me, and I was so out of it it took me a good second or two to pick up what was going on XD Anyway, I fucking hate when people look behind at me in terror, so I usually try to sometimes even run past others just not to be behind them...

sorry that you feel that way :( im sure he just got startled and didnt notice you (or was joking), rather than jumping at your appearance

im sure you are beautiful, even if you dont think it yourself !!

 

[lotus11]

I don't often look in mirrors but occasionally bit i have seen a photo of myself in over 10 years i honestly have no idea what i actually look like, i have bad body dismorphia and just don't have a correct image of myself

 

[KlassPowder]

Relate to this a LOT. I've been thinking about stabbing myself since high school. I don't have anyone who checks in on me so I think if I could get past the SI enough to stab myself at least once maybe I could bleed out. Or just get a sick scar Idk.