i was living in seattle the past 5 years since turning 18 but recently due to rent increase and being unable to find a new place in time ive ended up back in my shitty hometown. ive been sleeping in the living room of my dad and brothers apartment for the past 4 or so monthes. in the past month or so i was able to finally fix my phone, get a truck and a job but then the day before yesterday i got into a wreck and totaled my truck. im completely at fault, had no license or insurance because like i said i just started the job, you need stupid fucking money for everything. i was on my second day when i crashed it and yesterday i had to bus 3 hours just to get there an hour early or end up 8 hours late (which would literally be my whole shift). i feel like im all over the place because its such a long story to how i got here and the truck stuff is just the most recent. i had so much power and freedom but then i fucking crashed the stupid thing and everything is unraveling. my brother and dad are no help and have made it clear they dont wanna help and want me out asap because they cant handle me being stressed out and emotional all the time even tho they get to be abosulute fucking assholes to me no matter what. yesterday my job told me that i got hired on at the worst time and i might actually just be fired after they finish training me on site and move me further away to a completely different site further away that i probably wont even be able to bus to because bussing is so fucking shitty around here. everything is just unravelling and falling apart and i have no control over anything. my dad and brother dont care to help. everyone keeps telling me to hang on and take it one step at a time but that still doesnt fix all the problems i cant fucking solve like how tf am i gonna get to work on a regular basis or if theyre even able to give me hours. im gonna get tottlay fucked on all this car crash bs that idek what to do.
i just want to fucking die but i feel like im looking for permission and am too much of a coward to actually go through with it because of all the times i failed as a teen to kill myself (mostly with various pills). i live in a state where i can legally buy a gun so thats what i was planning on doing with my first or second paycheck after trying to pay back the people that helped me get the truck but now idk what to do, i just want to give up im so fucking tired
idk what im trying to achieve with this post, i think im just venting. theres alot going on
it feels like all i ever do is fuck shit up even when things are going well for me. whats the point if i can never do better or better
i just want to fucking die but i feel like im looking for permission and am too much of a coward to actually go through with it because of all the times i failed as a teen to kill myself (mostly with various pills). i live in a state where i can legally buy a gun so thats what i was planning on doing with my first or second paycheck after trying to pay back the people that helped me get the truck but now idk what to do, i just want to give up im so fucking tired
idk what im trying to achieve with this post, i think im just venting. theres alot going on
it feels like all i ever do is fuck shit up even when things are going well for me. whats the point if i can never do better or better
