Venting im so tired of being alive

[wakeup.neo]

i feel like im ruining everything. my relationship with family, friends and shit. my mom sucked so i moved out when i was three. stepmom left last year. so its me and 4 people i cant stand to be around cause i feel useless to them. they would be so so much better off without me being here. im nothing but a free baby sitter and a fucking chief and a dishwasher and a house cleaner. 24/7 cuz im fucking homeschooled. ive always wanted to be away from home because i just felt free. but i never got to. i had no friends before covid and barely any after/right now. basically no one to talk too or feel useful to, i wanted to join the marines originally. then the army because its easier to join. i wanted to join as soon as i turned 18 so i feel somewhat fucking useful to SOMEBODY but i probably wont even pass meps. my dad probably thinks i wont make it. so does my so called best fucking friends. all my other friends are fucking shit. i wont ever amount to anything in this world. i have 95 benadryl and a rope. my sister had liquid oxy. might just fucking ctb at some point soon. because this isnt fucking it. i dont give a shit if people dont recommend benadryl. aything to get out of here.

 

[tiredofthis12]

I hear you and I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Don't let your dad tell you that you wouldn't be able to survive in the army. If that is something you want to do, I think it would be helpful to aim for that goal and you would finally be away from them but also have access to different people to build connections with. It's so hard to feel alone and like no one gets you and im sorry your friends are shitty to you. I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Wojaczek]

try to change your living situation first, sounds like that's the main problem, maybe the basics like exercise if you dont already to feel some sense of achievement. dont end it yet

 

[wakeup.neo]

try to change your living situation first, sounds like that's the main problem, maybe the basics like exercise if you dont already to feel some sense of achievement. dont end it yet

thanks man, i'll try

 

[Wojaczek]

thanks man, i'll try

it's gonna be tough but you gotta at least give it an honest try before you end things, imo.