Venting Im so scared of everyone and everything

[DarkWolf]

I was diagnosed with selective mutism(nothing else probably should have was clearly not normal) when I was a child. I never really got any help for it. Everyone thought I'd grow out of it but I didn't. I learnt to force myself to speak although its not always possible but the fear never really left.

I often say I have social anxiety but I'm not so sure. I don't feel comfortable around anyone even people who are nice or I have known a long time. Everyone just feels threatening no matter who they are. Once a threat always a threat. I just want people go away.

I live in a shared house and I pretty much never leave my room. I won't even be in the kitchen because I find being near other people so uncomfortable. I just eat ready to go food so I don't have to cook anything.
I almost feel a bit like a feral animal on the inside.
I went to a healing session (I know lol) yesterday and it was awful. I was literally frozen in fear and was shutting down. I often freeze and dissociate. She thought me shutting down was me relaxing.......
Its like a form of torture
It's because I can't stand anyone that close to me. I really am in a different realm to your average person. I tried to say I don't want to come back but I can't say no cos I'm such a dog.

I hate it when people tell me face the fear or get out of my comfort zone. Yeah I do that everyday. I strive to do that. Everytime I have to go outside or use the phone or go to work. They don't understand. I am broken. I think I appear a lot more higher functioning than I am. Truth is I'm really suffering it's just that I'm really good at hiding it and repressing myself because I have to. I have to stand on my own two feet I always have.
I had someone tell me a couple of weeks ago I'm quite hard to read. I dunno.
It is no quality of life. I hate this world.

I hope I can die soon. I hope an afterlife doesn't exist. I'm tired of being afraid and im tired of being tired.

I feel like a little lamb in a world of lions where everyone speaks a different language to me and I have to fake it so I don't get eaten alive.

There is no point to this thread. I just felt like putting it out there. I don't I think I have much longer left.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Some years ago, I thought I was suffering from selective mutism because I was really not able to speak in specific situations. Then, I started meeting new people, going out and I dunno, it seems I gained some kind of confidence and never had that problem again.

As for the afterlife, I hope the same as you. I mean, I think I've had more than enough with this. If there's really a heaven in which I'll have everything I want, I might give it a shot but reincarnate as another human, animal or insect in this world again? NO, THANK YOU!

 

[angelic]

I feel you, I have the exact problem. I was diagnosed with social anxiety, but always felt like there was more to it. I don't feel comfortable around anyone, either, even close family. I avoid the kitchen and living room as much as possible lol. I've also been told I just need to get used to being around people but I think I'm just wired wrong. You're not alone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate, I know what it's like to have social anxiety, I feel constantly uncomfortable around others and I always feel a need to isolate myself. I physically cannot do eye contact. Some other people just don't understand as they haven't been there themselves. Nobody deserves to suffer in this life and I hope you find relief.