Venting I’m so fucking lonely.

[moralfag]

I know this has probably been said a million times before, but I just really need a place to rant and (as you can tell from the title) I have absolutely no one else I can share this with.
The only people I'm in contact with right now are my family and coworkers. That's it.
I have no 'friends', my 'boyfriend' was only with me because I was going to be his suicide partner, and I haven't heard from him in over a month since he was hospitalized. Nobody else takes the trouble out of their day to talk to me unless they're forced to.
Today I spent my entire day watching YouTube and waiting to see if anyone would message me (spoiler alert: nobody did).
My room is a mess and reeks of cigarettes and instead of doing anything productive (like cleaning or going outside to smoke so my room doesn't smell as bad) I just sat inside my room all day waiting for people to text me when I already knew they wouldn't. I feel so fucking useless.
All of my classmates are doing more with their lives; going to college, getting drivers licenses, getting better jobs, and all I've done is view their accomplishments through social media posts. I'm 18 years old and I still can't even drive.
Even after I post this I'm still just going to rot in my room all night. I have the energy to complain online but not to actually do anything.
I just wish I had friends or something. I want to talk to other people my age but I can't. Every time I talk to anyone I feel like it's only a matter of time before they find out I'm a disgusting human being. Sometimes I don't even feel like a human being, I just feel like an out of place creature that tries to mimic human behaviour. I'm very tired of everything.
Thanks for reading this whole thing, I hope you guys are feeling better than I am lol. Much love to all of you

 

[LastNite]

Dang thats a lot. I hope you find someone. It is brutal trying to find the right person then they just stop texting. Online friendships wont work trust me on that. IRL friendships are so much better although thats harder to obtain it's usually long term and it wont get stale. GL!

 

[catzy]

Dang thats a lot. I hope you find someone. It is brutal trying to find the right person then they just stop texting. Online friendships wont work trust me on that. IRL friendships are so much better although thats harder to obtain it's usually long term and it wont get stale. GL!

Most of the ppl I talk to r online and I have known them a long time now. They r lasting longer than my irl

I know this has probably been said a million times before, but I just really need a place to rant and (as you can tell from the title) I have absolutely no one else I can share this with.
The only people I'm in contact with right now are my family and coworkers. That's it.
I have no 'friends', my 'boyfriend' was only with me because I was going to be his suicide partner, and I haven't heard from him in over a month since he was hospitalized. Nobody else takes the trouble out of their day to talk to me unless they're forced to.
Today I spent my entire day watching YouTube and waiting to see if anyone would message me (spoiler alert: nobody did).
My room is a mess and reeks of cigarettes and instead of doing anything productive (like cleaning or going outside to smoke so my room doesn't smell as bad) I just sat inside my room all day waiting for people to text me when I already knew they wouldn't. I feel so fucking useless.
All of my classmates are doing more with their lives; going to college, getting drivers licenses, getting better jobs, and all I've done is view their accomplishments through social media posts. I'm 18 years old and I still can't even drive.
Even after I post this I'm still just going to rot in my room all night. I have the energy to complain online but not to actually do anything.
I just wish I had friends or something. I want to talk to other people my age but I can't. Every time I talk to anyone I feel like it's only a matter of time before they find out I'm a disgusting human being. Sometimes I don't even feel like a human being, I just feel like an out of place creature that tries to mimic human behaviour. I'm very tired of everything.
Thanks for reading this whole thing, I hope you guys are feeling better than I am lol. Much love to all of you

Im alone on purpose irl. I wish there were more ppl I knew who were not into living here.

 

[LastNite]

Most of the ppl I talk to r online and I have known them a long time now. They r lasting longer than my irl

Well good for u! me personally nah. I talked to a few. It just gets boring they dont want to play games either cuz they dont got a system for that or just dont want to. I mean at a certain time u run out of things to talk abt. Games make it more fun but I never done that.

 

[moralfag]

Dang thats a lot. I hope you find someone. It is brutal trying to find the right person then they just stop texting. Online friendships wont work trust me on that. IRL friendships are so much better although thats harder to obtain it's usually long term and it wont get stale. GL!

Thank you!! I've been trying to be more social but as you said it's very hard lol, and even though it's much easier online the friendships don't last as long and are just very different. I appreciate your kinds words though, I hope your day goes well ^_^

Im alone on purpose irl. I wish there were more ppl I knew who were not into living here.

That's valid, I feel the same way. It's so tiring when everyone in person is just the same and doesn't get it. I wish it was easier to come across people similar to me,, Thank you for your reply though, I hope your life is going well wherever it may take you

 

[Oreki]

I feel the same. I often feel very lonely, but right now the loneliness isn't tearing me apart. I know this state won't last forever, it's only a matter of time. When I feel bad, I still feel the need to clean. It gives me some sense of control. No idea why, but when things are messy, I feel even worse.

And honestly, not having your driver's license at 18 really isn't the end of the world!! There are many people who get their driver's license a bit later on…

 

[moralfag]

I feel the same. I often feel very lonely, but right now the loneliness isn't tearing me apart. I know this state won't last forever, it's only a matter of time. When I feel bad, I still feel the need to clean. It gives me some sense of control. No idea why, but when things are messy, I feel even worse.

And honestly, not having your driver's license at 18 really isn't the end of the world!! There are many people who get their driver's license a bit later on…

Thank you for the reply!! It's nice to hear that someone can relate, even though it is a bit sad to know someone else feels like this. I probably should pick up an activity to do when I'm lonely, like cleaning, since it can be a good distractor but it's hard to get the energy sometimes haha. I appreciate the kind words and I hope you're able to find someone you can connect with

 

[HangMan123]

I'm in the same boat as you. Zero friends. Not even online ones. I'm too anxious and socially awkward to talk with people irl, and even to have a one-on-one text conversation with someone online. Pathetic, right? All I do is rot in my room all day. I feel like a caveman, but that's not right because cavemen would go outside and hunt. I never go out except for school, because I never have any reason to. It's not like I have plans with anybody.
I'm also 18 and don't have a drivers license while others my age do. First it was because I transferred schools during driver's ed, and now it's because I'm too anxious to do driving lessons with someone else.
All I have is my family and my dog. However, I'm spoiled and don't see them as enough company, even though they're great.
What I'm trying to say I guess is that you're not alone in feeling this way and it's actually not as uncommon as it may seem. Doesn't make it hurt any less, though. I could say that "I understand your pain," which is true, but that doesn't split it between the two of us.
Hmmmm, I guess I just have to wish you luck, because honestly idk what to do either?
Sorry this post isn't too inspirational, I just wanted to let you know that you're not in this alone.

 

[Oreki]

I'm in the same boat as you. Zero friends. Not even online ones. I'm too anxious and socially awkward to talk with people irl, and even to have a one-on-one text conversation with someone online. Pathetic, right? All I do is rot in my room all day. I feel like a caveman, but that's not right because cavemen would go outside and hunt. I never go out except for school, because I never have any reason to. It's not like I have plans with anybody.
I'm also 18 and don't have a drivers license while others my age do. First it was because I transferred schools during driver's ed, and now it's because I'm too anxious to do driving lessons with someone else.
All I have is my family and my dog. However, I'm spoiled and don't see them as enough company, even though they're great.
What I'm trying to say I guess is that you're not alone in feeling this way and it's actually not as uncommon as it may seem. Doesn't make it hurt any less, though. I could say that "I understand your pain," which is true, but that doesn't split it between the two of us.
Hmmmm, I guess I just have to wish you luck, because honestly idk what to do either?
Sorry this post isn't too inspirational, I just wanted to let you know that you're not in this alone.

I'm in a similar situation, just without a family or a dog. I've become estranged from everyone anyway. So it could be worse

 

[HangMan123]

I'm in a similar situation, just without a family or a dog. I've become estranged from everyone anyway. So it could be worse

Jeez. Honestly I have no idea what I'd do your shoes. You must be a very strong person to live like you do. Massive respect man, that must be beyond tough. Hopefully things turn around for you someday.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Old guy here, so it will probably sound weird for me to say "I can relate". I've been through doing some of the normal things people are supposed to do in life. All a complete waste of time. I look back on my life and it's meaningless. I've moved several times and have no roots. People from my past don't keep in touch. I got married, had kids, worked, bought a house, paid bills, and it's all just fading away and disappearing into nothing. I'm starting to forget my past like it never happened. It's all just useless. I have no desire for anything but to die. So... when I was 18 I thought maybe life wasn't as bad as I thought and maybe I could find something to enjoy.... well, now, pile on 60 years of evidence to the contrary.

 

[moralfag]

I'm in the same boat as you. Zero friends. Not even online ones. I'm too anxious and socially awkward to talk with people irl, and even to have a one-on-one text conversation with someone online. Pathetic, right? All I do is rot in my room all day. I feel like a caveman, but that's not right because cavemen would go outside and hunt. I never go out except for school, because I never have any reason to. It's not like I have plans with anybody.
I'm also 18 and don't have a drivers license while others my age do. First it was because I transferred schools during driver's ed, and now it's because I'm too anxious to do driving lessons with someone else.
All I have is my family and my dog. However, I'm spoiled and don't see them as enough company, even though they're great.
What I'm trying to say I guess is that you're not alone in feeling this way and it's actually not as uncommon as it may seem. Doesn't make it hurt any less, though. I could say that "I understand your pain," which is true, but that doesn't split it between the two of us.
Hmmmm, I guess I just have to wish you luck, because honestly idk what to do either?
Sorry this post isn't too inspirational, I just wanted to let you know that you're not in this alone.

I'm sorry life has been rough to you as well, it's very unfair. I completely understand the awkwardness/anxiety with talking to people too. While I am better at talking online now, I used to be too anxious to even talk anywhere online. It was awful. I also have my parents to talk to, but with both their work schedules and mine it's very hard to find time to talk with them.
Don't worry about your post "not being inspirational" either, I appreciate your reply very much and it helps me feel less alone in my situation ^_^ Also as a side note, I saw you mention a quote from The Handmaid's Tale on another post and just wanted to mention I enjoyed that book at well :) Sorry if thats weird haha
I hope life gets better for you, and I hope you're able to find peace and happiness quickly !!

 

[HangMan123]

I'm sorry life has been rough to you as well, it's very unfair. I completely understand the awkwardness/anxiety with talking to people too. While I am better at talking online now, I used to be too anxious to even talk anywhere online. It was awful. I also have my parents to talk to, but with both their work schedules and mine it's very hard to find time to talk with them.
Don't worry about your post "not being inspirational" either, I appreciate your reply very much and it helps me feel less alone in my situation ^_^ Also as a side note, I saw you mention a quote from The Handmaid's Tale on another post and just wanted to mention I enjoyed that book at well :) Sorry if thats weird haha
I hope life gets better for you, and I hope you're able to find peace and happiness quickly !!

Not weird at all! That actually makes me very happy! I wish the same for you!

 

[moin]

I know this has probably been said a million times before, but I just really need a place to rant and (as you can tell from the title) I have absolutely no one else I can share this with.
The only people I'm in contact with right now are my family and coworkers. That's it.
I have no 'friends', my 'boyfriend' was only with me because I was going to be his suicide partner, and I haven't heard from him in over a month since he was hospitalized. Nobody else takes the trouble out of their day to talk to me unless they're forced to.
Today I spent my entire day watching YouTube and waiting to see if anyone would message me (spoiler alert: nobody did).
My room is a mess and reeks of cigarettes and instead of doing anything productive (like cleaning or going outside to smoke so my room doesn't smell as bad) I just sat inside my room all day waiting for people to text me when I already knew they wouldn't. I feel so fucking useless.
All of my classmates are doing more with their lives; going to college, getting drivers licenses, getting better jobs, and all I've done is view their accomplishments through social media posts. I'm 18 years old and I still can't even drive.
Even after I post this I'm still just going to rot in my room all night. I have the energy to complain online but not to actually do anything.
I just wish I had friends or something. I want to talk to other people my age but I can't. Every time I talk to anyone I feel like it's only a matter of time before they find out I'm a disgusting human being. Sometimes I don't even feel like a human being, I just feel like an out of place creature that tries to mimic human behaviour. I'm very tired of everything.
Thanks for reading this whole thing, I hope you guys are feeling better than I am lol. Much love to all of you

omg help im also 18 and can't drive i thought i was the only one

 

[moralfag]

Old guy here, so it will probably sound weird for me to say "I can relate". I've been through doing some of the normal things people are supposed to do in life. All a complete waste of time. I look back on my life and it's meaningless. I've moved several times and have no roots. People from my past don't keep in touch. I got married, had kids, worked, bought a house, paid bills, and it's all just fading away and disappearing into nothing. I'm starting to forget my past like it never happened. It's all just useless. I have no desire for anything but to die. So... when I was 18 I thought maybe life wasn't as bad as I thought and maybe I could find something to enjoy.... well, now, pile on 60 years of evidence to the contrary.

Sorry to hear that life has treated you so terrible, that sounds very tough to deal with. You also summed up how I feel very well haha, where most of my past life has been meaningless in a way and the past holds nothing but mediocre memories I can barely remember. Don't worry about it seeming weird that you relate due to your age either, I've felt this way my whole life and I will probably continue to feel the same way till the end. In a way it's comforting to know that there are other people out there who can relate even under different circumstances.
Thank you for the reply, I hope life treats you better ^_^

omg help im also 18 and can't drive i thought i was the only one

LOL nope unfortunately I can relate haha. Glad to know im not the only one in the no drivers club