well it is an understandable position, i think many women feel that as well. out of curiosity where are you from?
Yep my mother told me the same. I was ugly, stupid, a burden, an error. She made sure to repeat this to me all the time and to compare me with other kids. If I cried then she would beat me even more until I was without air and I could not cry anymore. Still remember the blood from my nose. It became a familiar taste.
They put me in a religious school initially and that was not good as well since nuns and priests were abusing as well. Nothing sexual luckily but they beat me a lot. And my mother told them that it was ok.
Yes my father used to throw away some toys as well. At some point he decided that I should learn to use the computer and throw away some board games I really liked. I love technology but I was never allowed to look into other stuff. I could not do sports, could not show interest in music or art, I should focus only on technology.
I got bullied a bit as well.
Sorry to hear that, what got you so close to that?
Yes it was the same competition also for my mother. However instead of pushing me she would tell me I am useless. My father instead pushed me to study.
Meh, you had other desires in your life and could not pursue them. You wanted a simpler life focused on given and that was taken from you. Really sorry about that.
Correct
We are not neutral, there is a difference between men and women. What you say sounds like a pretty good female trait.
My wife is doing the same.
You are a lovely person and your husband is lucky to have you. It looks like you are very similar to my wife.
According to her I was a mistake I was not supposed to be born and at that time abortion was either illegal or really hard to obtain. I was a toy to her, to abuse and to play with.
I am Chinese. Moved to UK as oversea student 13 years ago and I never come back. Like I said I will not come back, one way or other and I don't want to my ashes come back to if it's possible.
Oh my god, your mother sounds like my mother's missing sister. She did exactly same thing, ugly, stupid, retarded, other children are far more better than me. And keep repeating, make sure I never forget. My mother has Frontal lobe brain damage and PTSD. And the only thing make her feel joy is abusing others. She was trying to stab me once.
I have been abused in school too, guess I was quite and easy target. Boys will pretend they were sick when they saw me. My "nick name" was always ugly pig, female chimpanzee etc. And I have been sexual assault/ abused for years. Just because they boys in that age want to see how is a female oxygen looks like. The boys said I should suicide as I am too ugly to exist. Shame on me still alive.
My mother keep telling me this is what I deserved.
I was not allowed board game, computer game or video games. My father bought a computer and asked me to learn office, excel etc.
I really want to learn art in that time but not allowed.
I have received the university offer when I was 18 but I need to go to college for 2 years in China. And next 3 years in UK. My mother was so angry about that and she really don't want to me get a good life. She also think I seduced my father to get the university fees. And she realised there was nothing she can do if I lived in another country. So she want to damage me as much as she could before I gone. So she literally abused me every single day, even I spent majority time in college' library. She started even did not let me sleep. She would keep telling me horrible things next to my bed. This is the reason I have sleeping problems. I have to take medication to sleep. And my father did nothing like he always did. And this was the time I started have eating disorder.
I was feeling I can not take even one more day so I tried to suicide.
Some girls had been killed or dumped immediately in my country. Or they have been sold to old man when they were teenagers for their brother's bride money. Guess compared to them, I was the "lucky one".
I saw how is like for the girls have simply life. They may never left their hometown but they are happy. Like English always said, " I just want to be happy."
I have a Chinese friend who came from a small town, not very rich family, her parents are not educated. She told me " my parents just want to the best of me, and they truly mean that. That makes me strong, and it will always make me feel strong and secure. Even now, I am in uk alone in difficult situation, but I knew my parents will always love me unconditionally. That makes me feel I have power to fight the difficult situations. I never think about give up. I don't care if there is a man loves me or not. I love myself. Anything a man can provide to me, I can provide to myself. I can not imagine how is like to have a horrible mother.
So I have sorts of idea about how is like as a not damaged person.
Thank you. I may be a loser, an ugly girl, a piece of junk. However I never took advantage of anyone or stab on anyone's back. (My mother think this is stupid) I don't think man and woman are completely same as well, suffering different stress.
Thank you so much agin. I hope you and your wife can connect with each other more agin and able to enjoy the life, whatever your decision is. You both sounds like very lovely and hornable people. She may try to understand you, however mental illness is something not everyone can understand.
For me, my husband can be really challenge when he was ill. I am not sure if your wife has any further help like crisis team or not. If not it's can give her lots of stress.
My husband think he can fix me and he is still trying. It's easier for me to understand him as I stayed in uk for quite long and he knew nothing about China or Far East before he met me. And he can not speak Chinese too.
He has mental illness too, the last thing I want is he will go completely mad if I dead.
I am sorry to hear about that your mother was that horrible.
My mother does not want to at all too. Culturally people need to have a child in my country. But my mother never really want to me, she had a diarrhoea and wished she was miscarried in that time. And she always asked me move to a orphanage or find someone to adopt me when I was a kid. She thought I was so brazen that I did not move out.
I hate how positive people push me into delusions of happiness. It's a narc trap! They promise a carrot but all you'll ever get is the stick! But you stay anyway because the dream is so good. Fuck positivity! It is what it is.
