Venting I’m scared I won’t ever get the courage to do it

[ForsakenShadow]

All my life I've never amounted to anything, never meant anything, or made a difference… I was just there. I'm so fucking lonely and it just drains all my energy. But I have to pick myself back up again every time, for what? Just to get knocked back down? There's no end in sight. I'm sitting here in my dorm with a shit ton of stuff I need to do but I don't have the energy for any of it. I can't do this on my ownunder the bed is my SN and AE, all I have to do is book a hotel and I can be free from it all… but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm hoping one day I'll just snap and get it done but deep down I know that's not gonna happen. I'm so scared, wish I had someone here for me :/

 

[thereisnoone]

I also fear that life will continue to punish us and Ill never be able to get close to a ledge because of SI. Hopefully one day Ill be able to free my mind to the point of freeing myself.
I also fear that life will continue to punish us and we will never be able to get close to a ledge because of SI. Hopefully one day we'll be able to free our minds to the point of freeing ourselves.

 

[WallowingWillow]

All my life I've never amounted to anything, never meant anything, or made a difference… I was just there. I'm so fucking lonely and it just drains all my energy. But I have to pick myself back up again every time, for what? Just to get knocked back down? There's no end in sight. I'm sitting here in my dorm with a shit ton of stuff I need to do but I don't have the energy for any of it. I can't do this on my ownunder the bed is my SN and AE, all I have to do is book a hotel and I can be free from it all… but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm hoping one day I'll just snap and get it done but deep down I know that's not gonna happen. I'm so scared, wish I had someone here for me :/

I can relate. I want and need the outcome of my suicide so bad, but can't grow a pair to commit the act to get there. It feels pathetic.

 

[SnackNinja]

All my life I've never amounted to anything, never meant anything, or made a difference… I was just there. I'm so fucking lonely and it just drains all my energy. But I have to pick myself back up again every time, for what? Just to get knocked back down? There's no end in sight. I'm sitting here in my dorm with a shit ton of stuff I need to do but I don't have the energy for any of it. I can't do this on my ownunder the bed is my SN and AE, all I have to do is book a hotel and I can be free from it all… but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm hoping one day I'll just snap and get it done but deep down I know that's not gonna happen. I'm so scared, wish I had someone here for me :/

Are you scared of the dying process, or are you scared of what happens after death?

 

[ForsakenShadow]

Are you scared of the dying process, or are you scared of what happens after death?

The dying process. I've attempted partial before and it's so hard to describe the feeling of knowing you're about to die. I felt so alone and it was like my mind kind of acted on autopilot. I can't remember all the little details of it either, it's weird. But with SN it's different because once you drink it there's no turning back and I guess the uncertainty of what comes after that is the scary part. Whereas with partial, you're completely in control up until you pass out.

 

[L'absent]

Captagon and Amphetamines generally reduce fear and increase risk appetite.

 

[SnackNinja]

The dying process. I've attempted partial before and it's so hard to describe the feeling of knowing you're about to die. I felt so alone and it was like my mind kind of acted on autopilot. I can't remember all the little details of it either, it's weird. But with SN it's different because once you drink it there's no turning back and I guess the uncertainty of what comes after that is the scary part. Whereas with partial, you're completely in control up until you pass out.

Good point, that makes a lot of sense.

 

[AuroraB]

Then you have to find the courage to make the best possible life you can even though it's hard as fkkkk. If you're gonna stay, you might as well make it as great as you can. If opting-out isn't possible then you have to opt-in.

 

[justwannadip]

Captagon and Amphetamines generally reduce fear and increase risk appetite.

Where would you get those tho

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I hope you find peace soon regardless of what you do. This is one cruel and harsh world but I wish you the best.

Then you have to find the courage to make the best possible life you can even though it's hard as fkkkk. If you're gonna stay, you might as well make it as great as you can. If opting-out isn't possible then you have to opt-in.

If you can't do both which is the case for me, you're just fucked with no solution at all