i'm retarded

[Braindead Atheist]

I wasn't intelligent enough to do any job. (i say wasn't as past tense because i'm killing myself) i was picking items for orders and got a bunch of stuff wrong and can't be fast enough. I don't understand, my brain feels foggy. I'm tired of this goddamn life and i'm killing myself asap. I tied a noose but my mom found it and took it away. As soon as I get paid, i'm buying another rope. I'm done with this life, i was going to wait until after june to do this but now i don't know. I give everything i've got to school, work, my friend group and my health (I have pcos) but its never enough. my estrogen, dheas and lh are still really high. my friend ditched me because i'm "negative" but why would i be positive with all this bs happening to me? i can't do my job because im retarded, and in school i got a 74 on my project and I just know my creativity and eye for aesthetic won't be enough in the long run because i don't have intelligence (a normal iq) to go with it. What makes it even worse is that high intelligence runs in my family. my grandparents on my moms side had a high iq, my mom and her brothers have one and my dad and brothers do too. They don't even need a high iq I'm the one that does and I don't have it! I want-no NEED someone else's life. I'm DONE. I'm killing myself and nothing ever again. There will be no more bullshit, no more hard work that doesn't pay off, no more rude and ungrateful people who don't appreciate what I give, no more pcos, no more dreams that don't come true, no more anything. and that's what I want.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are tired of everything, this life can be very cruel and unfair. I understand that it can be dreadful when things just get worse, I'm sorry you are in this situation. I also do not want to experience anything ever again, life is just pointless suffering. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are tired of everything, this life can be very cruel and unfair. I understand that it can be dreadful when things just get worse, I'm sorry you are in this situation. I also do not want to experience anything ever again, life is just pointless suffering. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

It is just pointless suffering, i just don't get why people say that life is a gift because i'm just not seeing it. If it were a gift, i would have gladly accepted it but i fucking HATE it. i'm going to give it back because I don't want it.