I'm finally ordering SN. The supplier I tried previously didn't work out. I have mixed emotions. Obviously I 100% want to die but I want it to get here now bc I don't want to last another day. I also have to wait until tomorrow to order it bc I'm taking out a PO Box specifically for this. So my roommates don't see it. And I have to go by the post office first before I can order it. I'm anxious af. The timing is bad, bc my best friends birthday is coming up. I don't want to ctb on or near his bday. But I think it's gonna have to be kinda near his bday. I honestly can't hold out much longer. I can't stand the pain I live in from my physical health conditions. And I'm so depressed. It honestly hurts to breathe. And exist. Talking is painful. Everything is painful. I want the pain to end. I don't want to be selfish but as soon as I get the SN I'm going to ctb. Sorry to my best friend R whose birthday it will be. It doesn't matter if I wait bc April is my brothers bday and May is my dads. I'm gonna hurt someone either way. Call me selfish, an asshole, I know I am. I just need this all to stop.
You're still concerned how they'll feel so I wouldn't call you what you said. So much has brought you to where you are. I think it's important we do what is in our best interests, whatever form that takes. That's what so many others do. And if we don't do it for ourselves who will? Personally I think it's okay to be selfish sometimes but perhaps I think that since I struggle with a lot of things you mentioned. What you plan to do doesn't change who you are or what you've done, it just speaks to the incredible pain you're under. Whatever path you decide to see through I wish you the best.
Thank you for the supportive and kind words <3 i appreciate it
To be honest, I recently ordered SN so your post resonated. I feel I'm at a point where if I had the perfect chance I wouldn't let it go by now. But that isn't here now. Shipping times suck, don't they? I mean what I said though. And forgot to mention that you're being extra cautious so I really hope all your effort will work out for you. I'm just a stranger and can't guarantee anything but you've put in more of an effort than me with hiding your steps so be proud of the work you've put in. Once more I wish you the best and that it all goes well.
Thank you, I wish you the best as well. Did you take measures to hide the SN from your housemates or was that a non-issue?
I live alone and literally just ordered to my residence haha I cleared browser history and such though. At this point I'm hoping I'm alone when shipping allows it to come or I'll just make up an excuse if not. Say an international friend sent me something. So the PO box seems a great measure to me since any neighbor could tattle if I didn't notice the package right away. I'm just too tired to care to be honest, if the end result gets me what I want I'll accept some imperfection anymore. Good night (if it happens to be night for you), thanks for replying/writing/making this topic!
Oh I see, it's probably nice you dont have to try and hide it from family or roommates. I don't really have an excuse for if my roommates see I'm ordering chemicals so I need it shipped to a P.O. Box. Goodnight, thanks for replying!
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,158
I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, I can imagine that it must be unbearable to be in so much pain. We all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing, it is your life and your decision, so of course you are not selfish. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
Thank you so much. I ordered the SN this morning. Couldn't swing the PO Box, just hoping it'll arrive when I'm home and my roommates are not.
JustAMatterOfTime
Fragile
- Mar 21, 2021
- 905
Why are you worried about roomates? Do they open your mail? I don't know who you ordered from but if IC it just looks like a food product.
They don't open my packages but they look at them, and if it's labeled "toxic" or something on the package they'll question me.
My SN shipped. 6-8 more days before I ctb.
Well f*ck…. Today I feel… good? Not suicidal. Idk… SN is already on its way. I've been suicidal for years. Idk if I should let one good day change my mind. But still…
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,794
I ordered mine almost 2 years from a very nice Ukrainian girl. It's sealed tight. But been told it only last 3 years. So I have no idea where I will get some more,cause my country now screen and tax all packages outside of the EU. Dunno if that can enter the country and how to describe it on the post office enquiry.
june
Experienced
- May 25, 2020
- 207
Umbrella Weather
Catastrophe Merchant
- Mar 7, 2022
- 65
My SN came from Turkey in a small, nondescript brown box paid for with postage stamps... It couldn't have been more innocuous and was simply left in my mailbox. Granted, I am in the US and am not familiar with EU regulations, however I have a bought a lot of things from all over the globe—especially from Japan—and am constantly being asked to sign for packages before I can take possession of them. Though this little innocent package from Turkey was left for me without a whisper... And that feels serendipitous. Being that SN is a common substance used in laboratory/scientific/academic settings might allow it to float in to the EU with less scrutiny? But what do I know...
I also now find myself worrying about the 3 year shelf-life of SN... But that is another topic.
I'm hoping mine arrives inconspicuously. I'm in the US and ordered it from Canada.
Sea Turtle
She/Her ✨ Achieving True Peace
- Aug 12, 2020
- 346
Me too. Here's to hoping it's just a cute little box with nothing suspicious. Though if it's the same source, should look like and be packaged like a "food" product anyways
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,794
Eu is a nightmare took me 2 months to get a pair of hoodies a friend had sent over from the USA. And I had to pay portuguse tax to receive a friends gift, ridiculous
Umbrella Weather
Catastrophe Merchant
- Mar 7, 2022
- 65
In all fairness, it did take a month to receive that little box from Turkey.
I just went internet spelunking and after a bit of work: I fully understand what you mean... SN just is not in the EU marketplaces I have scoured and I am only just beginning to comprehend the shipping restrictions.
It's weird: The whole reason I am here is because SN is available on the common market here and I needed to learn the proper application of it to ctb.
Though, accidentally, I found a lot of nifty people who seem inspiring, communally-minded, and kind... It's too bad we can't just go find a planet of our own to populate and control.
I hope so. I don't want to draw attention or get in trouble. I'm worried police will do a welfare check.
How do you properly store SN? Like if I want to store it for a later date? I have animals and don't want the fumes to affect them.
Sea Turtle
She/Her ✨ Achieving True Peace
- Aug 12, 2020
- 346
due to get mine next week. I'll let you know on packaging if you haven't gotten yours yet.
dry, dark, temperature controlled area while sealed should prolong shelf life. If it's sealed, fumes should not be an issue though I don't think they should be affected unless they consume it anyways? Unsure in that.
Sea Turtle
She/Her ✨ Achieving True Peace
- Aug 12, 2020
- 346
I'm so nervous. I'm literally panicking. My SN is due to arrive tomorrow or the next day. I'm worried I'll get in trouble, that the police will be called to my apartment for a welfare check, that my roommates will find out, that I'll be accused of wanting to do dangerous things to others with the SN, idk. Horror stories are going through my mind.
Sea Turtle
She/Her ✨ Achieving True Peace
- Aug 12, 2020
- 346
Sign up for email notifications through the tracking website and it'll tell you morning of when it's out to ship. It ended up in my mailbox so as long as you get to it first there should be no questions at all. Even then, it's just advertised as salt. Wish you the best
Im signed up for text notifications. It only told me when it shipped though, no updates since then. I've had to manually check for those updates on the tracking website.
I feel sick with anxiety. Thank you for comforting me though.
Sea Turtle
She/Her ✨ Achieving True Peace
- Aug 12, 2020
- 346
Through the tracking wevitste there should be an option to sign up for email notification. Got one the morning when it was out for shipping
It's out for shipping!! I went out to Walmart and checked the tracking and discovered it was out for shipping and omg the drive home was almost the most panic stricken I've ever been. It hasn't arrived yet, I'm still incredibly nervous but at least now I'm home and can intercept it.
