I think about my parents a lot too and to be honest, I don't know if my mum would ever get over it. I think it would ruin her life. Especially today, I just want to die so badly and to be at peace, but I don't want her to have to suffer through that. She is always happy to talk to me and I can be honest with her and rant about things I just can't to other people. She is the only person that really tries to understand me. Although, I don't feel "stuck" because it's ultimately my choice whether to CTB and she wouldn't be able to stop me, especially since we don't live under the same roof.
She made a lot of bad decisions in my childhood, but she's changed a lot and has been a better mother to me in the past year than she ever was before, so I've chosen to forgive her for the past. If my parents weren't around I would've CTB years ago.
