I'm objectively a POS

[MrBlue]

I don't know where to post this so I can move/delete it if needed (and sorry for it's length)

A couple of times my therapist has mentioned that she doesn't know how I can break out of the situation I'm in because apparently my beliefs about myself and how those around me perceive me are so concrete and tied into my OCD. She says there's still 'hope' but it doesn't feel that convincing tbh.
It seems like my therapy is just going to devolve into futile attempts to build my self esteem, which I don't see the point in. It doesn't matter how much I like myself if others don't, I'll still be just as painfully lonely as I am now.

There isn't any evidence that I deserve to be liked. I don't have friends, and haven't in over 6 years. If I was even remotedly decent as a human being then you'd think I'd at least have one. I've also never had anyone romantically interested in me or been in a relationship, and at my age it isn't just being a late bloomer anymore.
I've never been to a party, or had sex, or been with friends outside school. I can't drive, I have no talents, I haven't started work, I'm short and ugly. I'm basically a disappointing 14 year old in a 22 year old's body, and no one my age will ever want to interact with me because it's clear I'm developmently stunted. Whenever I try to rationalise my self hatred, it intensifies it.
Anyone else objectively unlikable?

 

[WornOutLife]

First off, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way.

Don't wanna sound like a pro-lifer but trust me, there will always be someone who likes you, no matter your physical appearance.

As for therapy, well, in my opinion, it just SUCKS. I dislike my therapist. She's really a BASIC PERSON who only knows to ask things like: "How are you today? What will you do tomorrow? Life is precious you know? " (And I even tried another therapists but they're all the same. I only like my psych)


Anyway, hope you can feel better somehow.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Makko]

I'm objectively unlikeable but I'm also good at pretending.

 

[Spiral]

I don't know where to post this so I can move/delete it if needed (and sorry for it's length)

A couple of times my therapist has mentioned that she doesn't know how I can break out of the situation I'm in because apparently my beliefs about myself and how those around me perceive me are so concrete and tied into my OCD. She says there's still 'hope' but it doesn't feel that convincing tbh.
It seems like my therapy is just going to devolve into futile attempts to build my self esteem, which I don't see the point in. It doesn't matter how much I like myself if others don't, I'll still be just as painfully lonely as I am now.

There isn't any evidence that I deserve to be liked. I don't have friends, and haven't in over 6 years. If I was even remotedly decent as a human being then you'd think I'd at least have one. I've also never had anyone romantically interested in me or been in a relationship, and at my age it isn't just being a late bloomer anymore.
I've never been to a party, or had sex, or been with friends outside school. I can't drive, I have no talents, I haven't started work, I'm short and ugly. I'm basically a disappointing 14 year old in a 22 year old's body, and no one my age will ever want to interact with me because it's clear I'm developmently stunted. Whenever I try to rationalise my self hatred, it intensifies it.
Anyone else objectively unlikable?

I am also objectively unlikeable, but I am tall and ugly, and I have had most of those experiences, but I didn't enjoy it because I am socially inept so trying to fit in and go to parties and have friends just leads to me feeling embarrassed and worse afterwards, and I'm 33 so don't feel bad, you are not alone, you are not a freak, and you are also not too old to have not experienced things yet.
Can I ask,.... Do you really want those things for yourself? Or do you just think you want them because society says you should fit in?
I feel like the intense pressure to achieve and succeed and look perfect all the time is actually a problem with society and not us. Don't let those normies make you feel bad. Love and hugs xxxxx

First off, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way.

Don't wanna sound like a pro-lifer but trust me, there will always be someone who likes you, no matter your physical appearance.

As for therapy, well, in my opinion, it just SUCKS. I dislike my therapist. She's really a BASIC PERSON who only knows to ask things like: "How are you today? What will you do tomorrow? Life is precious you know? " (And I even tried another therapists but they're all the same. I only like my psych)


Anyway, hope you can feel better somehow.

Hugs and love,

Matt

and dont forget the classic therapist line ''how are you feeling on a scale of 1 to 5? 1 being awful and 5 being also awful but not as bad as 1''

 

[MrBlue]

I am also objectively unlikeable, but I am tall and ugly, and I have had most of those experiences, but I didn't enjoy it because I am socially inept so trying to fit in and go to parties and have friends just leads to me feeling embarrassed and worse afterwards, and I'm 33 so don't feel bad, you are not alone, you are not a freak, and you are also not too old to have not experienced things yet.
Can I ask,.... Do you really want those things for yourself? Or do you just think you want them because society says you should fit in?
I feel like the intense pressure to achieve and succeed and look perfect all the time is actually a problem with society and not us. Don't let those normies make you feel bad. Love and hugs xxxxx

and dont forget the classic therapist line ''how are you feeling on a scale of 1 to 5? 1 being awful and 5 being also awful but not as bad as 1''

I'm naturally introverted, so I don't really want to go to packed parties and have hundreds of friends, but I would love to feel acceptable to a few people. I just wished I wasn't so shit in every aspect of my life. As I am, no one would ever want anything to do with me, even as a friend. I'm definitely too old to still be relationship/friendless. I should have achieved that in my late teens.

 

[Spiral]

I will admit it's really hard, I used to feel so depressed and blame myself for not fitting in, I was always asking 'what is wrong with me!?' I wasted so much time and effort trying, and it never made me happy, and it never worked. Not only that, but I didn't want to be like a moth that keeps flying into the lightbulb and each time saying 'ouch' but doing it again and again anyway. So I decided to just accept myself, and it made so many positive changes to my life.
When you are not worrying about other people or trying to be like them and fit in, that is when you can concentrate on just yourself, think of the things you like to do, learn the things you want to learn, eat good food, do some hobbies' etc. I'm not claiming that it made me happy because I do still suffer from depression and I still can't drive, and I still don't have any amazing talent BUT I don't feel guilty or ashamed and I don't blame myself any more and I don't think other people (normies) are better than me.
Nobody deserves to feel like they are worth less than other people. Even if you do still decide to ctb, at least you will do it knowing your worth and knowing that the world is losing a unique and individual person instead of just another sheep from the herd x

Ps. yes some people have first relationship is their late teens but plenty of other people wait longer, I knew a girl in college who didn't have a relationship until she was 25 so there are other people waiting for the right person too

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Oof, you've basically described my spot almost perfectly except that I can drive, am tall, am 26 instead of 22, and have had one person like me before (though I suspect she doesn't anymore because she hasn't responded to me at all).

I think 22 is still an acceptable age to continue figuring stuff out for yourself. I'm not gonna lie, I'm the exact way and your therapist is sort of right that nothing will change until you find a way to change it. I know because nothing significant has changed for me in since I turned 22. At the very least 22 is not too old to make new friends, at least not within whatever communities you end up finding.

I personally believe I'm unlikable but I'm also so manipulative that I've inadvertently made people like me as a friend. Personally I feel like it sucks more to have friends when you feel like you don't deserve it. From what I can gather, nothing you've done actually makes you morally reprehensible or anything. Being introverted or lonely are very common and don't make you like the new Pariah or anything like that. I think it shouldn't be too hard to at least find people with similar values to you if nothing else. Sometimes that's enough. I make no guarantees though but good luck.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

That's an odd distinction, manipulating people to be your friend versus just doing things that make people want to be your friend. If the goal is to be friends, I don't see a huge difference. I don't know

 

[Spiral]

Manipulation usually results in benefit just for you though, if you are going to be a good friend then it's more like a gentle nudge into a mutually beneficial arrangement xD

 

[Belaya Noch]

There isn't any evidence that I deserve to be liked. I don't have friends, and haven't in over 6 years. If I was even remotedly decent as a human being then you'd think I'd at least have one. I've also never had anyone romantically interested in me or been in a relationship, and at my age it isn't just being a late bloomer anymore.
I've never been to a party, or had sex, or been with friends outside school. I can't drive, I have no talents, I haven't started work, I'm short and ugly. I'm basically a disappointing 14 year old in a 22 year old's body, and no one my age will ever want to interact with me because it's clear I'm developmently stunted. Whenever I try to rationalise my self hatred, it intensifies it.
Anyone else objectively unlikable?

Chronic loneliness and social inadequacy apply to me as well. Apart from the fact that I'm 28 y.o. and it seems that there's no more hope left for me. And even if I managed to change something, how can I come to terms with the fact that I've wasted the most valuable years of human's life in such an impressive way? The glow of candles attracts my eyes more and more...

 

[hopeisgone]

Just wanted to say I relate. No friends, in my 30s. If I was in any way likeable I would have friends by now, so I don't think there's any hope left to have any sense of belonging or acceptance let alone love. The constant loneliness is too painful to bear. Sorry you're feeling this way too xx

 

[Amumu]

I can relate for most stuff and I'm the same age as you.
I get the impression that teenage years are the most important years of our lives and it's difficult to change after that.