Please don't beat yourself up, the corrupt nature of this monetary system has failed you and most of us. There is another member here who is in their 60's and worked very hard for his entire life, and will have nothing to show for it or pass on to his family when he's gone, yet some celebrities get paid hundreds of thousands just for sitting on their fat ass and talking complete nonsense for 1/2 an hour. You deserve so much better, I'm sorry that this is happening and I hope this madness comes to an end real soon, for the greater good of all people.