Venting I'm kinda sad & nervous about dying...but I won't let that stop me.

[c824767]

Ive been posting a lot lately because this forum is the last place I have left.
Killing myself is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. Against all reason, survival instinct, possibility of a redeemed future of fullfilled dreams & happiness.... the threat of an unpleasant afterlife... I am intent on keeping this oath to myself. It makes me sad as I reflect on the tragic life I've had: Abuse, neglect, isolation, mental illness, unsuccessful, bullied, lonely... I could have really been somebody had it not been for the horrific foundation my childhood and early life was built upon.... I did have ideas, dreams, fantasies, gifts, talents.... But nothing ever got developed, I am so stunted... I'm probably a 5 year old developmentally.... I look at it all and it breaks my heart. What a waste.

I have had a good life except the last year has been horrible and I keep comparing my life to what it was before and out of ideas/means how to make it better.