I also know you didn't mean it like this, but my experiences aren't illusions. They are my lived realities. I could argue that your perspective is illusory and idealistic, but its your experience so it has validity in your life, even if I don't understand it. I think that's an important perspective to maintain when choosing language like that.
Thank you so much for your response. It's clear this is something you care about and I'm really grateful you are trying to help me change my mindset. To have someone put that much effort into something that has to do with me is really nice.
Not trying to detract from your amazing discussion with Hindsightis!
If it's all right, I'd like to clarify. You are correct that I did not mean your experiences are illusions, and it is indeed important to maintain perspective when using that word. I did not make the perspective clear enough. By illusions, I mean the false messages one believes to be real/valid/factual which have the power to guide our views and actions. Your thoughtful and assertive responses to me and others throughout this thread show clearly and consistently that you are not a weak person. I acknowledge and respect your right to define yourself, and I am aware of the paradox that I am rejecting and arguing against your self-definition. I do not know you, and I do not know what caused such a belief, only that it sounds like a false message that created an illusion.
I concede there may be credence that my views are illusory or idealistic. I don't have any idealism left, so from where I am they are grounded and stand up to testing. As far as illusory, my first response is that I have worked hard over decades, with the input of a variety of unrelated sources, to arrive at them. However, perhaps after peeling away so many layers of illusion, they are simply another layer. I used to feel solid in my religious beliefs, which I now identify as illusions, so perhaps one day I may arrive at the realization that these were illusions as well. Conversely, perhaps one day you will see value or validity that you cannot perceive now because you will need to arrive at them for yourself.
There are many people who are willing to put forth effort for you to help you change your mindset, if it in fact needs to be changed. You made the effort to write a post that was honest, candid, and vulnerable. You have reaped honest and candid responses. No one is negating you, only negating the false messages that you are ugly, weak, incapable, unlovable, and that the problems you identified are insurmountable. Consider a person who restricts their food intake as the only viable way they can see to have some control over their own body. Similarly, you may see cbt as potentially the only way to have control over your life, or at least as potentially the best, and it is seductive, even though you know that living on your own would address that need. You experience others' shit talking as an insurmountable obstacle to pursuing that goal. I am not making you wrong or minimizing you, I am making wrong and minimizing the obstacle. I am saying the boogey man isn't the boogey man but an insect with no poison and no bite. Others here are doing the same with your scars and loose skin and beliefs that you are unattractive and undesirable. We are all in some way seeing you as you *are,* and seeing your incredible potential that you are not yet seeing because there are illusions competing for your attention and appear to you as real.
I respect boundaries and others' rights to autonomy and self-determination, so I get miffed when I see someone on this forum I believe to be pushing a survival agenda on another because it serves them rather than the person they likely believe in their heart they are trying to serve. I am positive that is not what is happening on this thread. People are trying to convince you because there are so many other ways to view your issues. They are showing you alternative paths, real solutions, a more accurate view of yourself, and hope -- not idealistic hope, but practical, actual hope.
