Venting I'm just really hurt

[CoolGuy9]

I have posted about a billion different threads about how everything sucks and I just want the pain to stop, and I wish I could look at them and not relate, because I was over those problems, but I just can't.

No matter what I do whether it's pet my cat or play games, the pain is still there and I can't escape it, just pretend that I'm fine. I wish certain things didn't happen or I could just ctb already.

 

[NoPointToContinue]

Yeah we can never escape from pain within us by running away or ignoring. It always comes back and sometimes even with vengeance.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I have posted about a billion different threads about how everything sucks and I just want the pain to stop, and I wish I could look at them and not relate, because I was over those problems, but I just can't.

No matter what I do whether it's pet my cat or play games, the pain is still there and I can't escape it, just pretend that I'm fine. I wish certain things didn't happen or I could just ctb already.

Is it mental or physical? Mine is mostly mental but with painful scalp scarring condition.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I have posted about a billion different threads about how everything sucks and I just want the pain to stop, and I wish I could look at them and not relate, because I was over those problems, but I just can't.

No matter what I do whether it's pet my cat or play games, the pain is still there and I can't escape it, just pretend that I'm fine. I wish certain things didn't happen or I could just ctb already.

Omg. It's like you've just described me……
I'm really sorry. I feel ya.
I just wish I could snap my fingers and disappear…….

What else do you try to do to distract yourself?

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence is painful, I understand. The way I see it there is no escape from ourselves and our own thoughts, peace does not exist in this life. I'm sorry you are going through this. I feel similarly, I just want to fall into an eternal sleep and be free from it all.

 

[CoolGuy9]

Is it mental or physical? Mine is mostly mental but with painful scalp scarring condition.

Just mental. Physically pain is almost non existent with me.

Omg. It's like you've just described me……
I'm really sorry. I feel ya.
I just wish I could snap my fingers and disappear…….

What else do you try to do to distract yourself?

I mainly distract myself with video games, youtube, taking walks and eating. Sometimes I do other stuff like visit this website.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I mainly distract myself with video games, youtube, taking walks and eating. Sometimes I do other stuff like visit this website.

Heeey. For me it used to be video games as well. I also watch a lot of YouTube. I try not to go outside, unless I really have to though…..
and eating can be helpful. As well as sleeping……

Just mental. Physically pain is almost non existent with me.

What does that mean? Do you have like a high pain threshold or something?

 

[LittleJem]

I realised yesterday I've been on this forum for three years. I was suicidal before, but found this forum in 2019. Every day of suffering...it's sobering to realise and see how long the suffering has been.

My brain is definitely made to suffer. I wish it would be dissected after I die so people would see what I've had to live with.

 

[CoolGuy9]

What does that mean? Do you have like a high pain threshold or something?

I just meant that I don't experience a lot of physical pain,

 

[Flippy]

I realised yesterday I've been on this forum for three years. I was suicidal before, but found this forum in 2019. Every day of suffering...it's sobering to realise and see how long the suffering has been.

My brain is definitely made to suffer. I wish it would be dissected after I die so people would see what I've had to live with.

I was thinking along similar lines myself. I found this forum in 2019 too. I lurked for a while, then my mood improved for a bit and I persuaded myself things were going better. So I didn't sign up to the forum until the new year when my mood went from "ok" to so low that it may very well have re-defined "rock bottom" for me.

I wonder if through years of abuse, misery and the neurological "rewiring" caused by inappropriate psych meds, my brain has been turned into one that is built to suffer too. Sadly if they dissected either of our brains I'm pretty sure if they discovered the mechanism that caused us to suffer and to what extent, it would be far too much of a controversial revelation and our brains (or mine at least, yours may have more value to science) would be spiked into the nearest trash can!

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I just meant that I don't experience a lot of physical pain,

I see.
It's good. Would've been worse, if you did.

 

[CoolGuy9]

I see.
It's good. Would've been worse, if you did.

Yeah I may be horribly depressed and suicidal, but there are still a lot of things I'm lucky to have.